Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:26     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.


+1 They also look down on SAHM's but fawn over SAHD's.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:22     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
I like how Anna and Elsa are getting lumped in with the Jeffrey Epstein end of the moral spectrum here.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:09     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Eh, we don't seek out the Disney Princess thing. My DD was still into it for a bit. She is 7 and still likes them. But it's not an obsession. If she wanted something, we would get it (to play dress up, or a coloring book or whatever). Dress up is fun!

It's better to not get so worked up about one thing or life will be one long battle.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:08     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/


I don’t think you are a bad person, but it is bad. You may want to think about getting therapy to understand why it bothers you so much.


Oh I know why it bothers me - because I respect (and want DD to emulate) people who do things rather than people who are just pretty. Same reason I prefer Elena Kagan to Kim Kardashian. But yes, I should recognize it’s a phase, likely fueled by peer pressure, and has little bearing on future interests.


I think your reaction is defensive. I think you believe those girls are being manipulated or diminished somehow and you want to save them. It is perhaps well intentioned but it is also misguided. Kids like what they like. My daughter loved dinos, horses, cats etc. Never cared for princesses much except for Ariel because she was sort of a fish. Son never cared much for super heroes, sports, trucks, etc. Prefers maps and reading. I did NOTHING to discourage princesses and more boyish stuff. In fact, at times I wished they had more stereotypical interests. But many of their buddies love the stereotypical stuff and they have learned that they don't have to be carbon copies of their friends.

If you want your daughter to be like Elana Kagan or another strong woman, teach her to be true to herself--whatever that is. You have no idea--perhaps Kagan, Sotomayor, Barrett, O'Connor and Ginsberg all dressed as princesses when they were kids. Let kids be kids and support them in healthy decisions. Dressing like a princess is normal and healthy for a little girl. And for many girls it is a natural thing--organic and from their hearts. For others, no amount of peer pressure will make them dress as a princess.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:05     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
It's a phase, OP. Please work on your feelings. My future veterinarian DD (or animal research biologist or zookeeper, she's still on the fence), who takes daily care of her menagerie of animals, rides horses and loves handling and observing bugs, had an intense princess-costume phase at 5. I actually sewed her a ballgown modeled on the dress Christine wears in the Phantom of the Opera movie! It was epic

Yes, pp is right. OP, let it go. As a feminist from way back mama who has no interest in makeup and ballgowns and princess trappings, I wasn't crazy about my young daughter being enthralled with Cinderella rather than Mulan but it's what she cared about so I supported her. She also cared more about theater than sports and I learned to support that, too! Today she is an independent woman who takes charge of her life and is not ever waiting to be rescued.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:01     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
My DD wore Halloween costumes two years in a row because they were hand-me-downs and free. Not because I believed in princesses.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 13:00     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.


A lot of parents have internalized this idea of what a modern girl *should* be like, and it's every bit as narrow as the old stereotypes that girls HAD to wear pink and play house and not play sports.

I know a lot of parents who need their girls to be athletic, interested in STEM, dress in a hip way (that does NOT involve princess dresses or pink or anything overtly girly), etc. Some of their kids gravitate towards this stuff anyway, which is great. Some don't, and their daughters are sad that they can't dress as Elsa for Halloween or take ballet or whatever. I think it's too bad and shows how the real issue with raising kids is not that we are too gendered (we can be, but it's not the heart of it). The real problem is that we don't let kids make their own choices. If your kid loves soccer and math, great! But don't create a system where if your kid doesn't like those things, she's a failure.

Just let kids be themselves. Princesses, pirates, soccer stars, artists, mathletes, whatever. Just let them choose. You don't have to micromanage this stuff. And you should really ask yourself why you care so much. I think if you thought about it, you'd realize it's mostly about wanting your kid and your family to look a certain way to others. Is that a value you want to pass on. I for one do not.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:59     Subject: Re:Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:You are imposing a crap ton of your own issues on very small children (including probably your daughter).

First of all, you don't even know how these kids think about these things. For a lot of little girls, dressing as a princess or whatever for Halloween is just an opportunity to wear something fun and elaborate that they don't get to wear everyday. A lot of kids don't think they are actually *becoming* whatever they are dressed as. I saw a bunch of little kids dressed as cars for halloween this year (fire trucks, police cars, bull dozers, for instance). If you see that, do you think "oh no does that child think fire trucks are sentient? doesn't he understand that a police car is problematic in 2021?" Because... that would be dumb. That kid is just thinking "trucks are cool! I'm a truck!"

Same with little girls and princess stuff. They are not thinking "I want to be a princess who stuff happens to and has limited personal agency and the purpose of looking pretty!" They just think "Pink! ruffles! lace! fun!" And in their minds, those princesses probably do things. These kids are getting all the empowerment messages all the time. But for god's sake, please let them just make their own choices and have fun. Halloween is supposed to be enjoyable for kids.

Also you might want to consider that you have some internalized misogyny that makes you reject things that are overtly feminine, and ask yourself why. Do you have this same reaction when little boys dress up as pirates or ninjas for halloween? Do you think they too should dress up as doctors, since pirates and ninjas are violent? Or is it just little girls dressed in fancy princess clothes that irk you. Think on it.



+1000. This kind of bizarre thinking, OP, and a $250,000 student loan debt is what you get from your worthless "womens gender studies" degree.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:56     Subject: Re:Girls in princess costumes
I have a 4 yr old who loves pink and purple, princesses, ballerinas, etc. If it's pink and frilly, she wants it. Oh and sparkles. Bows too! I was a SAHM until she started PK, and mostly wear black and gray and the only TV she's allowed is Daniel Tiger and Bluey and a couple of things -- no Disney princess stuff. But I believe in letting my kid have some autonomy and especially to be able to make choices over what she wears. So even though it's not what I would pick, I buy her pink ruffly princessy stuff all the time. Other things too, but I don't try to force gender neutral clothes on her (she will reject them, she knows what is up) or steer her towards liking other things. It's her choice.

She was a ballerina for Halloween -- I found a pink and gold tutu with bows and lace and a crown and we did her hair up in a bun like the "real" ballerinas we found photos of online. She was thrilled and looked adorable and spent the entire evening with a huge grin on her face.

But apparently my independent, joyous child who knows her own mind and goes her own way should have been forced to dress as a doctor or a monkey or something "gender neutral" because small kids playing pink princess are bad. Okay.

Enjoy parenting OP! I think you are in for it. Sadly, so is your DD. Best of luck.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:56     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/


I don’t think you are a bad person, but it is bad. You may want to think about getting therapy to understand why it bothers you so much.


Oh I know why it bothers me - because I respect (and want DD to emulate) people who do things rather than people who are just pretty. Same reason I prefer Elena Kagan to Kim Kardashian. But yes, I should recognize it’s a phase, likely fueled by peer pressure, and has little bearing on future interests.


I’m no Kardashian fan, but she’s obviously doing *something* to be sitting on the financial and influential empire that she is.

Scream about feminism all you want, she figured out how to game the system. It may not be what you would have done, or what you think it should entail, but obviously, she got some things figured out.


Jeffrey Epstein was also at the top of his financial and influential empire.


+1
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:48     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
I feel like the people who hate their girls dressing up as princesses are always the same people who are totally supportive if a little boy wants to wear a frilly dress/princess outfit.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:47     Subject: Re:Girls in princess costumes
It's such a short phase. DD was a princess for Halloween exactly one year. The next year she told us that princesses were too babyish for her.

Why people make such a big deal out of this is beyond me.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:36     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/


I don’t think you are a bad person, but it is bad. You may want to think about getting therapy to understand why it bothers you so much.


Oh I know why it bothers me - because I respect (and want DD to emulate) people who do things rather than people who are just pretty. Same reason I prefer Elena Kagan to Kim Kardashian. But yes, I should recognize it’s a phase, likely fueled by peer pressure, and has little bearing on future interests.


I’m no Kardashian fan, but she’s obviously doing *something* to be sitting on the financial and influential empire that she is.

Scream about feminism all you want, she figured out how to game the system. It may not be what you would have done, or what you think it should entail, but obviously, she got some things figured out.


Jeffrey Epstein was also at the top of his financial and influential empire.


I’m not a Kardashian fan, but did you really just compare Epstein to Kim Kardashian? You realize she does a lot of good work right? He was a sex trafficker and rapist.

Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:27     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/


I don’t think you are a bad person, but it is bad. You may want to think about getting therapy to understand why it bothers you so much.


Oh I know why it bothers me - because I respect (and want DD to emulate) people who do things rather than people who are just pretty. Same reason I prefer Elena Kagan to Kim Kardashian. But yes, I should recognize it’s a phase, likely fueled by peer pressure, and has little bearing on future interests.


I’m no Kardashian fan, but she’s obviously doing *something* to be sitting on the financial and influential empire that she is.

Scream about feminism all you want, she figured out how to game the system. It may not be what you would have done, or what you think it should entail, but obviously, she got some things figured out.


Jeffrey Epstein was also at the top of his financial and influential empire.
Anonymous
Post 11/01/2021 12:22     Subject: Girls in princess costumes
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I a bad person that I have a visceral reaction when I see girls in traditional princess costumes? If they’re non-traditional like Mulan or Leia (ie people who actually DO something) I’m okay with it. Even the Frozen princesses who are so popular nowadays seem to just exist to be blonde and pretty. Btw I have a 5yo and so far we’ve been doing creative/neutral costumes like doctor or monkey, but she’s starting to get influenced by her K classmates :-/


I don’t think you are a bad person, but it is bad. You may want to think about getting therapy to understand why it bothers you so much.


Oh I know why it bothers me - because I respect (and want DD to emulate) people who do things rather than people who are just pretty. Same reason I prefer Elena Kagan to Kim Kardashian. But yes, I should recognize it’s a phase, likely fueled by peer pressure, and has little bearing on future interests.


I’m no Kardashian fan, but she’s obviously doing *something* to be sitting on the financial and influential empire that she is.

Scream about feminism all you want, she figured out how to game the system. It may not be what you would have done, or what you think it should entail, but obviously, she got some things figured out.