Anonymous wrote:Op again. Counseling was attempted for three sessions and ended due to dh finding no value in it. We're at an impasse. I have essentially given in. But I'm mad about it.

Good luck to you -- sorry to read about your situation. Did your DH go down the Trump rabithole?

Op again. Counseling was attempted for three sessions and ended due to dh finding no value in it. We're at an impasse. I have essentially given in. But I'm mad about it.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm real, this is real. Pp who said something about a misalignment of values... You're spot on. And the covid vaccine is one of them.

I can't and won't just take kids to get vaccinated on my own. It'd be like an act of war. I'd rather decide to divorce and do that before acting unilaterally because that's one of the things that's aggravating me about his decisions.

I personally do think he's gotten sucked into the conspiracy theories but of course he would say he's done his own research/financial interests mean the info we're getting is tainted/etc. He is smart, educated, intellectual. We just do not agree and have a hard time respecting each other's opinions, for obvious reasons... So how do you make a marriage like this work? Is it doomed not to?

At some level, you can let differences of opinions slide. But when those differences reflect an insurmountable gap between fundamental values or create a risk of serious physical harm to your children, it might be time to go. I'm not the biggest counseling advocate, but this might be the sort of thing where counseling could actually help.

Op here. I'm real, this is real. Pp who said something about a misalignment of values... You're spot on. And the covid vaccine is one of them.

I can't and won't just take kids to get vaccinated on my own. It'd be like an act of war. I'd rather decide to divorce and do that before acting unilaterally because that's one of the things that's aggravating me about his decisions.

I personally do think he's gotten sucked into the conspiracy theories but of course he would say he's done his own research/financial interests mean the info we're getting is tainted/etc. He is smart, educated, intellectual. We just do not agree and have a hard time respecting each other's opinions, for obvious reasons... So how do you make a marriage like this work? Is it doomed not to?

Anonymous wrote:For all these people that are concerned about potential long term effects, are they also scrutinizing their everyday food choices and other medicine they need to take? Some of these same folks are taking diabetes medication and non surgical cancer treatments without understanding long term effects.

I too wonder how people get through life with no critical thinking skills.

No they are not being as careful about those things. Such manipulation is going on. YouTube algorithm show them an aniti vax video and they feel like genius investigators for having found out the "truth" about the vaccine. If you detect a note of bitterness in my post, it's because I have first hand knowledge in my case.

Anonymous wrote:Are these husbands lacking critical thinking skills in most other areas of their lives? or is it just a political blind spot on this one issue?

I don’t know anyone in my peer group who has not been vaccinated and I am genuinely curious.

NP Weird family of origin dynamic for DH that I wasn't aware of. Older BIL is the golden child in his family. He fights ugly and none of the other siblings has ever been able to disagree with him. So they all agree and are convinced whenever he takes a stance (they aren't astute enough to know they are behaving like sheep.) He's antivaxx so they all are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really about more than the vaccine. Isn't it? Vaccine is just a proxy for the relationship overall.

For the commenters who think this is a husband specific issue, we all got covid in our house. I got vaccinated anyways. Wife refuses.

+1

That's what I've noticed, too. The vaccine is a convenient excuse for strife within the relationship.

I don’t think it is an excuse. But I do think it is likely indicative of where larger values don’t intersect. And I think for some people it is going to be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. You are forced to confront misaligned values where the pro vaccination spouse can no longer ignore that their spouse is willing not only to risk their life, but the lives of others. It was likely pretty easy to ignore when one spouse cares more about affordable housing and healthcare for all while the other spouse simply wants the lowest tax rate. But a spouse refusing to get vaccinated to protect grandma really provides a much starker contrast. Of course, there are going to be some instances where the couple’s values do align, and there is some legitimate rationale to say “the risk to kids is so low I want to wait on this one.” But I doubt those couples are the ones that end up on the internet venting. They will likely come to some
reasonable compromise.

For all these people that are concerned about potential long term effects, are they also scrutinizing their everyday food choices and other medicine they need to take? Some of these same folks are taking diabetes medication and non surgical cancer treatments without understanding long term effects.

I too wonder how people get through life with no critical thinking skills.

Anonymous wrote:It's really about more than the vaccine. Isn't it? Vaccine is just a proxy for the relationship overall.

For the commenters who think this is a husband specific issue, we all got covid in our house. I got vaccinated anyways. Wife refuses.

+1

That's what I've noticed, too. The vaccine is a convenient excuse for strife within the relationship.

Just remember you can’t change crazy or stupid. Sounds like you are dealing with both.

Anonymous wrote:My DW isn't vaccinated and doesn't want to have the children vaccinated. Her reasoning seems to boil down to "there could be long term side effects." I did get the teenager vaccinated and she was pissed. The other child is too young although that may soon change.

Aside from protecting the child, there is also a civic responsibility to get vaccinated and we have older family members and relatives with compromised immune systems who we have to avoid over the winter or take the chance of seeing them with an unvaccinated child.

My DW feels the same way about the vaccine, I don't really care that much either way and our children (for now) are too young to get it. If daycare (or eventually school) doesn't require the vaccine I won't press the issue. However, if daycare requires the vaccine I will probably just take them and deal with the fallout if she doesn't change her mind.

It's really about more than the vaccine. Isn't it? Vaccine is just a proxy for the relationship overall.

For the commenters who think this is a husband specific issue, we all got covid in our house. I got vaccinated anyways. Wife refuses.

My DW isn't vaccinated and doesn't want to have the children vaccinated. Her reasoning seems to boil down to "there could be long term side effects." I did get the teenager vaccinated and she was pissed. The other child is too young although that may soon change.

Aside from protecting the child, there is also a civic responsibility to get vaccinated and we have older family members and relatives with compromised immune systems who we have to avoid over the winter or take the chance of seeing them with an unvaccinated child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are these husbands lacking critical thinking skills in most other areas of their lives? or is it just a political blind spot on this one issue?

I don’t know anyone in my peer group who has not been vaccinated and I am genuinely curious.

I've been saying this for months now. I really don't understand how people are getting through life with no critical thinking skills. I do have one friend that refuses to get vaccinated because he doesn't know what's in the vaccine. He is a gym rat and take all sorts of non FDA approved supplements some coming from various foreign countries. I once asked him if he knew what's in all of those supplements? or the non organic food he eats--especially meat? etc. Come on people!

+1. I've eaten way too many corn dogs in my life to suddenly get precious about what FDA approved substances I put in my body now.

Anonymous wrote:Are these husbands lacking critical thinking skills in most other areas of their lives? or is it just a political blind spot on this one issue?

I don’t know anyone in my peer group who has not been vaccinated and I am genuinely curious.

I've been saying this for months now. I really don't understand how people are getting through life with no critical thinking skills. I do have one friend that refuses to get vaccinated because he doesn't know what's in the vaccine. He is a gym rat and take all sorts of non FDA approved supplements some coming from various foreign countries. I once asked him if he knew what's in all of those supplements? or the non organic food he eats--especially meat? etc. Come on people!