OP as someone who struggles with envy and insecurity, I get where you are coming from. They are painful feelings that a lot of us have but there seems to be a taboo against acknowledging and addressing them. I give you credit for being aware of your feelings and honest about them.

When you feel ready (maybe after getting some counseling), my suggestion is to reach out to your half-sister, apologize and explain why you've been distant. Be honest with her. She may think that you haven't been in contact with her because you don't like her or because she did something to hurt you. It won't be an easy conversation to have, but in by being honest and vulnerable it may lead to an actual relationship. If you don't feel a relationship is possible, be honest with her as to why. For all you know, she could be in therapy right now dealing with the fact that you have cut her off. Being thin, beautiful, wealthy and charming doesn't mean that she doesn't feel hurt.

You aren't a bad person OP. And honestly while in my heart I feel that my suggestions are the "right" thing to do I don't know 100% whether I would follow my own advice. Envy is tough and I think for various reasons there are some of us that feel it more than others. I'm actually envious of those (like my DH) who truly don't seem to feel envy often. You can control behaviors but while you can work on your emotions you really can't truly control them.

Anonymous wrote:You HAD your mother! She was given up by HER mother.
Think about that when you feel all sad about your life!

Ok, I just read she passed away when you were 6. But, still she did not give you up when you were born. I think you perhaps did end up with the short stick type of a bargain here, growing up without a mom, when your half sister might have been adopted and grew up with a mom that was there for her.
No doubt, you had a rough time being without a mom. Sorry about my previous post.

You HAD your mother! She was given up by HER mother.
Think about that when you feel all sad about your life!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If only we all could be so lucky ad to be given up for adoption, get leukemia! Some people just have it all.

OP's mom died when OP was 6 years old. OP also has cancer. She is obviously struggling in some way too.

Or a Liar who is changing the narrative after getting hammered.

I actually feel like most respondents were quite gentle and helpful, for which I'm grateful.

Anonymous wrote:Troll
If you had cancer you would have put it in your original
Pity party post.

Not a troll. Boy, do I wish both cases of cancer were troll inventions.

Troll.

Anonymous wrote:There is a very good chance that your sister has abandonment issues and a sense of deep loss about not being a part of her birth family. Being wealthy and pretty can’t make up for being placed for adoption and the issues that come with that.

Or maybe she doesn’t have abandonment issues because she realized her mom was a child at 16 and it happens. Maybe she has a great life adopted ot not and has no more baggage than you being six and your mom dying or half of American kids dealing with divorce. You may have cancer one day and reaching out to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If only we all could be so lucky ad to be given up for adoption, get leukemia! Some people just have it all.

OP's mom died when OP was 6 years old. OP also has cancer. She is obviously struggling in some way too.

Or a Liar who is changing the narrative after getting hammered.

Sounds like a total troll. If not OP, I also lost my mom you g and am an only child. I would kill to have some type of sibling. I wouldn’t care how fat or dumpy or even materialistic and superficial she was.

Troll
If you had cancer you would have put it in your original
Pity party post.

If I were the irate poster in the jealous neighbor (Off Topic) post, I would be bitterly trying to convince you that this scenario does not exist.

Instead, I will tell you that it is okay to feel jealous, OP.

It is how you deal with it that counts, truly.

Well your mom dies when you were 6, no way was she disappointed in you, she doesn’t know how you turned out, so I would stop worrying about it.
You don’t owe your half sister your time and company, so if she is making you uncomfortable in any way (even if through no fault of her own) it’s fine to let go.

Anonymous wrote:You know what's funny? You're judging yourself SO much more harshly than either your mother ever did, or your half-sister does.

I'm fat, OP. Like full on obese. And I'm a renter too and probably always will be. I have a mid-paying job because I can't go to college - my learning disabilities are so severe that I literally can't learn enough to pass classes, even in a community college.

But I'm a kind person. I volunteer. I'm a great listener. Solid friend. And those things are worth something. Someone is not automatically better than me because they have a fast metabolism and won the genetic lottery on looks. Maybe they don't compost OR recycle. Maybe they fart and blame others for the smell. Maybe they pick their nose and wipe it on clothes while shopping. Maybe they're thin and beautiful and genuinely good people who never fart - who knows? But enough people in life will put you down - don't put yourself down too.

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