No but I should have. I’m miserable

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

Wow you lack self-awareness. Do you think you are somehow better than the cheaters who rush into marriage? Also, let’s be real here - your concern is not that it’s better for your kids, it’s all about what’s best for you. The rest of your post and concern about others forgetting makes that abundantly clear. Your real motivator is you don’t want other people to know because you know what you are doing is sh!tty and you don’t want other people to look at you differently. That would force you to have to deal with your cognitive dissonance and you don’t want to have to self-reflect like that. What’s really fascinating is that you deign to be appalled by other cheaters while somehow not realizing you are worse.

Anonymous wrote:Subject says everything. I know we read about all the drama but has anyone had an affair and really fall in love? And end up happy?

Yes. Divorced my spouse. Married my AP. 20 years this NYE!!

Two of my childhood/high school friends had their parents divorce at the end of high school due to fathers affair, and both men married the AP - both couples are still together 12-13 years later.

One of them cheated with the close friend of his wife who was also the mother with one of our classmates, which was very messy.

In both cases, I was seeing this from my friend's perspective - both were very angry with their fathers and were not interested in playing happy families, however the relationships have improved over the years and things are mostly okay now.

My second cousin had an affair with a coworker from another country (met on a business trip to his company’s European office). They ended up meeting all over the world for about a year, then left their respective spouses and got married. This was close to 20 years ago and they’re still happily married. He is a bad, neglectful father though. And a selfish person. She seems happy to cater to him.

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so interesting. It kind of defies the statistics that say AP couples do not stay together. I guess there are times when they do.

The statistics is 2.5% so his does this “defy” the statistics?

I can honestly say I don’t know anyone that married an AP, but at 51 I barely know anyone personally that is divorced either.

I do know of a few divorces at work and in the neighborhood that were due to affairs or infidelity, but no remarriages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I have a friend who had what looked like a mid-life crisis and cheated on her husband while their kids were young. She left him, married her AP within months of the divorce and had another baby with her new husband. They seem happy.

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

They probably think everyone would find out anyway. My mother tried to cover her tracks but I always thought something was off and eventually they slipped and I figured it out.

Anonymous wrote:I know two married couples where both people left their first spouses. Both couples have been together for about 15 years. As far as I can tell (I am not a close friend), they are doing fine.

+1

Anonymous wrote:
I have a friend who had what looked like a mid-life crisis and cheated on her husband while their kids were young. She left him, married her AP within months of the divorce and had another baby with her new husband. They seem happy.

The ones who remarry IMMEDIATELY amaze me. I have an AP, we are planning a life together, and we are going to great lengths to cover our tracks. Yes it's definitely selfish, but it's also better for the kids' wellbeing to not have that extra bitterness infect their lives. These people who jump into a new marriage with no shame fascinate me. Do they think others will forget with time? Do they not realize they'll wear a scarlet letter for life? Do they realize it but don't care??

Anonymous wrote:I know two couples who where actively having affairs but then suddenly their spouses died so fairly quickly got married, conveniently to AP. Both sets are now in their 70s - married for decades and seem happy.

Now a contemporary/DH childhood friend married right out of college. Married for maybe 5 years, no children. He was having multiple affairs but ended up marrying his “office wife.”
This couple has been married for 10 years.

That’s not suspicious.

I know several. My best friend’s dad left her mom when she was 5 for his 20 yo AP. They’ve been married close to 40 years. He’s cheated on her multiple times but she stayed, presumably for the money.

My MIL announced her engagement a month after her divorce from FIL. They’ve been married 40+ years and are happy.

Another friend’s dad left his mom for his secretary when my friend was in middle school. They’ve also been married 40+ years and seem happy.

I have a friend who had what looked like a mid-life crisis and cheated on her husband while their kids were young. She left him, married her AP within months of the divorce and had another baby with her new husband. They seem happy.

This thread is so interesting. It kind of defies the statistics that say AP couples do not stay together. I guess there are times when they do.

Yes, but we met at the end of our marriages. He was formally separated (and a total mess). I was not yet formally separated but months away from it and the separation and divorce would have happened irrespective of DH because my ex is a horrible sociopath who brings darkness and depression with him wherever he goes. Together almost 8 years, married 5, had a baby. Marriage has its ups and downs but we're overall really happy. I am definitely guarded in this marriage though, like I have accepted the fact that it could end at any moment and I know I'll be sad but okay if it does, which is liberating in a way, and also keeps him on his toes because he senses my willingness to leave if he screws up like he did in his first marriage. I wouldn't trade the high points of the last 8 years together or our beautiful child for anything even if the marriage eventually implodes, so no regrets.

Anonymous wrote:No. We were both married, but I would have married him in a second if given the chance. He dumped me .

Are you still married to the same person and did either of your spouses find out?