Anonymous wrote:I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

You’re the crazy one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

OP here ..what do you mean holds all the cards?

Her father can leave everything to his new wife and leave your 16 year old zero. Like mine did.

OP here my DD did ask for him for 3000 dollars for driving school and he refused. Told her to use the cash he has put in her savings account. Birthday money has gone from 500 to 200 dollars. So he is being mean.

If you want, I’d reach out to the new wife, congratulate her, thank her for being so kind to D in the past, and let her know what’s going on. She sounds much more emotionally aware and astute than your ex.

We waited to tell my SD that I was pregnant until I was around 16 weeks. I was too scared to tell anyone but my best friends before then, and we wanted to know baby’s sex so 18 year old SD could prepare emotionally for a baby sister, if that’s what it was. (turned out to be a boy which made it easier for her). That said, the timing wasn’t great then for them to develop a close bond - she left for college and was busy young adulting. She was understandably jealous and unsettled. I stressed to my DH to spend more time with her when she wa so pen to it and reach out more than usual.

9 years later and she is a mom herself and has just gotten really interested in her little brother. It’s lovely, and he loves being an Uncle. So…think of the long game. She has a right to feel hurt and jealous now. But it may not be forever.

Plus there's the whole emotionally checking out and drifting piece.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what's your question?

How best to approach my DD about this? Should I talk to her or let her be?
This isn't a post to put anyone in a bad light.

Tell her not to bite the hand that feeds her, because her stepmother holds ALL the cards. She is the wife now. I'd beware and play nice. Plus, while it may seem yuck now, many years from now, when your daughter is 46 and her sister is 30, they might be glad to have each other.

OP here ..what do you mean holds all the cards?

Her father can leave everything to his new wife and leave your 16 year old zero. Like mine did.

Looks like stepmom changed her tune once she was having her own baby.

Anonymous wrote:It’s not the baby’s fault. DD can and should remember that this child is her half sister. The mistake lies with the dad not telling her. That said, you can maybe explain from an adult woman’s perspective what pregnancy loss is like (based on any experience you have self or through others) so she can maybe empathize with the fear her stepmother might get have been feeling and desire not to have to break bad news over and over again to people.

Ultimately DD and her dad need to build a better relationship and this is certainly going to be a stumbling block. She’s not being very mature about it either which will make it all the worse.

She’s 16. Onus is on dad to behave like an adult.

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

And you were only concerned about the money that was going to your stepdaughters that you felt belonged to your own child.

It’s not the baby’s fault. DD can and should remember that this child is her half sister. The mistake lies with the dad not telling her. That said, you can maybe explain from an adult woman’s perspective what pregnancy loss is like (based on any experience you have self or through others) so she can maybe empathize with the fear her stepmother might get have been feeling and desire not to have to break bad news over and over again to people.

Ultimately DD and her dad need to build a better relationship and this is certainly going to be a stumbling block. She’s not being very mature about it either which will make it all the worse.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, they should have told her around month seven if they were worried about miscarry etc. And she should have been invited to the wedding, at least by video if in person was too much of a covid risk.

She probably feels very excluded from their new family.

They really messed up.

They didn’t want her there.

It’s obvious.

Let me get this straight.

Your ex remarried and had a baby without telling his daughter? He’s sending A very clear message that she’s no longer a part of his family. He kicked her out. And you’re worried about getting your daughter to be nicer to this sorry excuse for a human being???!! Really?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is 16, not six.

Do not coddle her by allowing her to think being mean to the baby is okay.

It's okay for her to feel hurt that he didn't tell her about the wedding or the pregnancy. Though that's partially on her for ignoring his phone calls.

A therapist could be a good idea.

OP here my ex MIL said the same that she should have answered his phone calls instead of responding with texts 3 days later. She's a teenager so what do you expect. I can't force her.
Her step mom did make an effort with her including flying to D.C to visit her. Yale her shopping whenever she visited them, watch movies with her. She even took me out to dinner ( my daughter hated his previous girlfriend) but from the first meeting really liked step mom. Her dad had asked her at the time if she would be ok with them having a baby but this was 2 years ago.

Well, he could have text her to know he was getting married. I understand the bit about the baby too, but your daughter doesn't right now because she unfortunately at 16 still thinks the entire world revolves around her.

But being mean to the baby and ignoring the baby is just flat-out stupid and immature even for a 16-year-old. The kid isn't going anywhere. So she needs to figure out how to get over it. It's understandable for her to be upset with her dad and stepmom, but it's also not a good long-term solution. She's 2 years away from adulthood, she can drive a care time to speak to her like the young woman she is and not a child. She wanted to be treated like a young adult like part of the family and be include in conversations now is the time to start acting like that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He could have told her over text (that is how 16 year olds communicate) either a lead up to the big news or a hey can we talk I have big news. He really failed here. It’s not on her that she didn’t pick up phone calls. She’s 16, there are a million memes and TikToks about how her generation doesn’t answer the phone it was the father’s responsibility to meet her at her comfort zone.

Everything else aside- so he should talk to her through tik tok? Is that how she will conduct herself in the work place. No offense OP but your daughter sounds like a brat. Is she really interested in acting like a family with the? No need to wrap her up in cotton wool.
I get she's a teenager but come on that isn't an excuse for bad behavior

I agree.

OP, I am sorry but you are not the best example if you believe what you are posting. Yes, you tell your DD to answer certain calls or she will lose her phone. In other words….be a parent. Why is she just sooo busy she can’t answer?

I have 2 step DD's my DD is now 6. I didn't tell them either. More because DH's ex is crazy and would have caused me unnecessary issues. My womb my business. They eventually got over it. And even if they didn't I don't care.
The age gap was too big for any meaningful relationship. Your DD probably thinks she will loose out financially now. Stop taking it out on a baby and get it together

Yeah, they should have told her around month seven if they were worried about miscarry etc. And she should have been invited to the wedding, at least by video if in person was too much of a covid risk.

She probably feels very excluded from their new family.

They really messed up.