I knew she was different from the first week she was born. Neurodiversity runs in my family but I think getting a bit crushed by her twin and a vacuum birth made it worse. She wouldn't let anyone but me touch her for the first year. My ex was never around, raised twins completely on my own in a new country with no family. Dumped his ass when she was 5, by 7 she could barely walk because of stomachaches and headaches. We were blown off by doctors for seven years. No one, not even her father, believed me or her. She went 100% ballistic at about 10. By 12 was suicidal. I was 100% on my own, ex is rich but refused to pay child support, I couldn't work because of all the MD appts, then I went crazy and added my MD appts on top. I became suicidal for 5 years. The other daughter began to have issues. We're on welfare and have spent 10 years never knowing if we'll lose our home in the next month (got evicted 3x). I've spent the majority of nights in the last seven years crying, sobbing.

95% my friends bailed on me, even BFFs from 40 years ago. They are all well-off and I guess I was too depressing. Zero help from them, not even hand-me-down pyjamas....but of course they happily give time and money to charities and foundations and god knows what. I have not had sex in at least 6 years (can't remember), no boyfriend for 9 years. Made a new girlfriend eventually (almost 3 years of friendship, but it moved slow).

The last three years I completely lost my mind, I would lay on the floor several times a week and wail like a dying animal, I had to, it was the only relief I could find. I was so incredibly bitter and exhausted. The anger. The anger at so many MDs telling me that I'm the problem. Even my family told me to "get it together" while they are wealthy and childless.

14 months ago, after 8 years of fighting battles to save our lives, she finally got an neuropsych evaluation : ADD, OCD, anxiety disorder - they said sensory processing disorder isn't really a "thing" and she didn't qualify for ASD. It took 9 months of losing it with her psychiatrist to give her ADHD meds - when she got them, she transformed. It was going so great this year, but a couple of times she's spiraled out of control. I'm being hyper vigilant about her potential eating disorder. Anxiety consumes me - and I do my therapy 2x/week, group therapy, family therapy + meds.

Tonight was so bad I wanted to check into a hotel alone. Just freaking walk out and not come back for three days. But i don't have the money. I contemplated a hostel. Errrr, I am contemplating a hostel. They are old enough to stay home alone and are such grumpy teenagers, frankly they won't even notice I'm gone for a day.

TLDR: everything in my entire life is screwed. My career, no friends, no companion, no money, no retirement, no car, borderline homeless for 10 years....all because more than 20 MDs refused to listen to us....

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend going through this with her DD now. Is there anything I can do to support my friend? Is there anything that will lighten her load even a tiny bit or brighten her day somehow?

Just help. Gift certificates for the spa, drop off food, surprise card in the snail mail, little luxuries to bring her a few moments of job. and lots and lots of companioning: https://grieftherapycenter.com/about/my-philosophy/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the first things that I was told when I dropped my kid off was that now it is time to take care of me and the rest of the family. At first it was hard, but honestly, the time they were away was so peaceful. Yes, I had to worry about money and aftercare plans and all of that. And, I had to travel to the program almost weekly, which meant a flight, a night in a crappy motel (which in some ways had its benefits because I had no responsibilities for that night) and a day off work. But, our days were just so peaceful. We really used the opportunity to heal. I no longer had to wonder what I was going to find when I walked in the house. I was no longer afraid that we would get hurt by my kid. I was no longer afraid of the phone ringing. I had four glorious months of planning my days around psych hospital visiting hours or having to run back to school after I got downtown to my office because of yet another crisis. We enjoyed Thanksgiving and Christmas without incident.

But, honestly, those days were short lived. There was four months and later another two months. And then they came home and there were more crises and more suicide attempts and more overdoses and more violence. Sending them for treatment was the break. But, I will never be the same as I was before mental illness hit our family and I don't think the rest of my family will either.

I’m so sorry PP. I hope this doesn’t sound wrong, but this was written beautifully.

Thank you for saying that. I really do love my son more than I ever imagined loving anyone. But it’s hard. It’s nice to hear something good about my writing about the difficult times.

You’re welcome

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am traumatized and will never be the same.

Same. I feel as though I had to trade my sanity for hers. Will never say that to her, and wouldn't change the trade in reality, but it took a heavy toll.

How long was it really bad? What did you do that provided her with a road to recovery? How long has she been better?

Are you doing better?

Thanks

The worst part of the crisis lasted a full year. Still recovering, probably will always need mental health support. I can't even say I had it as bad as some of the other responders. . . we avoided hospitalization as DD was cooperative with the safety plan and responded to treatment well. I'm working my way back to a new normal. . .it's hard to let go of the feeling that another shoe might drop - there are so many points at which you think things might be getting "better" and they get way way worse, so I avoid that kind of thinking completely now.

And seriously, just very lucky that we got tapped into the right therapist for her, and we could afford to pay for it.