Anonymous
10/08/2021 09:16
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
OMG the lack of perspective is mind boggling. $65K is still a respectable salary even for long hours. Tons of families would kill for that salary. You act like he’s unemployed. If he were making more, but still working the same hours what would change? You’d still be frustrated that he wasn’t home when you want him to be.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 09:13
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:There is a shortage of teachers. What field did your spouse get his masters in?
What’s the point of going from one 65K job to another?
Anonymous
10/08/2021 09:12
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you lost me completely with 7pm. I actually laughed.
For $65,000?
The US is a race to the bottom. PP thinks the husband should be grateful for the experience and any salary is basically taking advantage of the employer.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 09:11
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
There is a shortage of teachers. What field did your spouse get his masters in?
Anonymous
10/08/2021 09:02
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you ramp up and he can go PT or be a SAHD?
I’m kind of topped out where I am and he can’t go PT. We just bought a house, so we can’t take any step back in terms of pay.
It sounds like your frustration isn’t new. Why on Earth did you buy a house?
Because two grown adults + kids in 800 sq ft condo with no outdoor space is only going to work for a year or two (maybe!) more before we would have had to find a bigger place anyway. If I had bought three years ago when I felt similarly constrained, we would have been in a better position than we are now. The housing keeps getting more expensive, I only hope my salary can grow a little (not leaps and bounds) to make this work.
Boo boo an 800 sq ft condo! You may as well have moved to the slums of India! You people are out of touch and more than a little disgusting.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:59
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you lost me completely with 7pm. I actually laughed.
I'm laughing at you. Both my H and I are done by 4:30 pm and we both make over $200K/year and WFH FT.
Oh brother with these idiots. I always marvel at how these dumb AF people swindled someone into paying them for their “talents”. They must be trolls.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:59
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:So so so many unhelpful, stupid responses with no purpose whatsoever than to make PPs feel better about their s** lives and jobs. OP should have slept in a yurt in Rock Creek Park with 2 kids.
OP, what is your H's field? Is he getting interviews but not landing jobs? If he's not getting interviews, I'd hire a resume writer, they are worth their weight in gold. Is he open to other fields where his skills can be utilized? I wanted to suggest the fed, but getting a job there is a bloodbath. Also network network network. His grad school should also provide networking services and alumni lists. I'm a career advisor for my undergrad and I love helping people, as much as I can. He needs to leave the work after 8 hours and concentrate his efforts on finding a new job. Good luck!
Theyre mostly tough love responses. Sometimes people need a little candle under their butt to implement change.
And Op has yet to answer what job dh has or why he can't find another one despite the super hot job market (asked upthread multiple times).
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:58
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you ramp up and he can go PT or be a SAHD?
I’m kind of topped out where I am and he can’t go PT. We just bought a house, so we can’t take any step back in terms of pay.
Sounds like you are living beyond your means. You can’t make it work with two kids on $130k? Do you live in Manhattan? We lived on $110k in a desirable DC hood in a nice apartment. Why did you buy a house knowing it would lock him into this job? I just have a hard time having sympathy for people who pretend they are trapped but they have made 1,000 bad choices. You bought a HOUSE, probably have multiple cars, and spend in other ways you shouldn’t and then act like a victim that you don’t get a break. You all make freakin’ $190k/year. That is PLENTY.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:57
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you lost me completely with 7pm. I actually laughed.
I'm laughing at you. Both my H and I are done by 4:30 pm and we both make over $200K/year and WFH FT.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:57
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:You guys really need to have a honest conversation. Put aside your personal pride and stubbornness and acknowledge the bad choices, but not to dwell on them, but to try and fix them or at least change them.
So, is money the issue? Or is it DH being away too much and disconnected?
Not to be skeptical, but does DH have trouble with time mgmt which is why he can't seem to ever finish his work? Or does he use his "work" as an excuse to get out of parenting?
There's a lot more going on here than just Dh's meager pay and your paycheck covering the mortgage, right?
I think of it like this: if he made more and worked the same hours, we could outsource more and spend quality time together. It wouldn’t fix the dinner problem, but it would be easier to swallow. If he made the same amount and worked less, I could be really happy with that.
As far as time management, his boss just piles on the work. He has his daily duties that take all day, and then he get special projects on top of that. Most people stay at this organization for a year, maybe two. He has been there for 10. His boss has all sorts of labor violations, but I won’t even go into that here.
I think what it gets down to is that I am hurt that my feelings aren’t a priority for him. I have been supporting him for years, and he’s not doing anything to change it.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:56
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
So so so many unhelpful, stupid responses with no purpose whatsoever than to make PPs feel better about their s** lives and jobs. OP should have slept in a yurt in Rock Creek Park with 2 kids.
OP, what is your H's field? Is he getting interviews but not landing jobs? If he's not getting interviews, I'd hire a resume writer, they are worth their weight in gold. Is he open to other fields where his skills can be utilized? I wanted to suggest the fed, but getting a job there is a bloodbath. Also network network network. His grad school should also provide networking services and alumni lists. I'm a career advisor for my undergrad and I love helping people, as much as I can. He needs to leave the work after 8 hours and concentrate his efforts on finding a new job. Good luck!
OP, what is your H's field? Is he getting interviews but not landing jobs? If he's not getting interviews, I'd hire a resume writer, they are worth their weight in gold. Is he open to other fields where his skills can be utilized? I wanted to suggest the fed, but getting a job there is a bloodbath. Also network network network. His grad school should also provide networking services and alumni lists. I'm a career advisor for my undergrad and I love helping people, as much as I can. He needs to leave the work after 8 hours and concentrate his efforts on finding a new job. Good luck!
Anonymous
10/08/2021 08:42
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
You guys really need to have a honest conversation. Put aside your personal pride and stubbornness and acknowledge the bad choices, but not to dwell on them, but to try and fix them or at least change them.
So, is money the issue? Or is it DH being away too much and disconnected?
Not to be skeptical, but does DH have trouble with time mgmt which is why he can't seem to ever finish his work? Or does he use his "work" as an excuse to get out of parenting?
There's a lot more going on here than just Dh's meager pay and your paycheck covering the mortgage, right?
So, is money the issue? Or is it DH being away too much and disconnected?
Not to be skeptical, but does DH have trouble with time mgmt which is why he can't seem to ever finish his work? Or does he use his "work" as an excuse to get out of parenting?
There's a lot more going on here than just Dh's meager pay and your paycheck covering the mortgage, right?
Anonymous
10/08/2021 07:27
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you lost me completely with 7pm. I actually laughed.
For $65,000?
Anonymous
10/08/2021 07:15
Subject: DH works long hours for meager pay
OP here. I think I just figured out where my biggest mistake was in our relationship:
He was making a little less than me and needed to throw money at his student loans. I told him “I’ll take care of the mortgage, you do what you need to do.” That has turned into me paying for just about all of the groceries, utilities, car payments, and miscellaneous things that I end up paying for just because he’s not around to deal with them.
We should have had a joint account that paid for shared expenses from the beginning so that actually knows how much things cost.
He was making a little less than me and needed to throw money at his student loans. I told him “I’ll take care of the mortgage, you do what you need to do.” That has turned into me paying for just about all of the groceries, utilities, car payments, and miscellaneous things that I end up paying for just because he’s not around to deal with them.
We should have had a joint account that paid for shared expenses from the beginning so that actually knows how much things cost.
Anonymous
10/08/2021 07:10
Subject: Re:DH works long hours for meager pay
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can you ramp up and he can go PT or be a SAHD?
I’m kind of topped out where I am and he can’t go PT. We just bought a house, so we can’t take any step back in terms of pay.
It sounds like your frustration isn’t new. Why on Earth did you buy a house?
Because two grown adults + kids in 800 sq ft condo with no outdoor space is only going to work for a year or two (maybe!) more before we would have had to find a bigger place anyway. If I had bought three years ago when I felt similarly constrained, we would have been in a better position than we are now. The housing keeps getting more expensive, I only hope my salary can grow a little (not leaps and bounds) to make this work.