Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can't afford paid help, do you have a friend or neighbor who might assist? I have left my kid to nap at a friend's house while I went to the dentist, and I would happily let someone else's baby nap in my house if I was going to be home anyway.

I've considered this but it wouldn't really work because she is already struggling so much then I add a stranger and a strange environment to the mix? Plus covid? And she had those 20 min cat naps in the car so even if I had a bed I could leave her in during the midday pick up she's not really tired enough to go to sleep before I need to leave.

The timing of it all is just too challenging. When she goes down to one nap a day this won't be an issue any longer. Of course, that'll be around the time school lets out anyway.

You’re being a very selfish mom! Your child would be so much better off in a place where she isn’t spending so much time in a car and can get the sleep she needs for her age. It’s like you’re coming up with every excuse in the book to why you can’t make any hard choices to help your baby get the sleep she deserves. You’re spending hours a day in a car with a 7 month old not getting decent naps and you’re wondering why the baby won’t sleep at night? But you refuse to consider any sort of daytime care? Now you’re even claiming you can’t because of covid?

Please make a change so your baby can nap and then do CIO ASAP. Your baby needs to sleep.

Also make sure you’re on birth control so you don’t end up doing this to another young baby. It’s cruel.

Are you feeding decent food before bedtime? Like, beyond a pureed vegetable

It sounds like you’re trying to use the free Pre-K and picked a school way away from your house. Pull your kids and put them in the same paid pre-k near your house and do one drop off and pick up. Three round trips of an hour each is stupid even if you didn’t have a baby to deal with. You will have plenty of nap time slots then.

Anonymous wrote:Hi op - there is a happy medium between what the pps are suggesting (just close the door) that is still sleep training and will help your situation and will involve some crying but is still responsive to your baby. Follow the peaceful sleeper on Instagram and consider doing a consultation. We worked with Ashley and she was so so so helpful. And they adjust everything to each parents comfort, can take it as gentle as needed. It was really individualized and our lives are soo much better. And during “sleep training” we still responded and soothed, rocked to sleep if a nap failed or baby couldn’t get down, and he still drastically improved within days and is doing better every day. My baby is a little younger but he is so much happier now that he sleeps more consistently. The peaceful sleeper has 4 kids so she understands balancing a variety of needs. She’s the most reasonable sleep person I’ve seen in that regard.

This won’t be helpful for OP. OP most likely needs to go full on extinction. She is going to be able to manage a sleep training routine that has any sort of decisions to make. Look at what she is doing now - she is making terrible decisions. She is likely incapable of a training method where she is allowed to go into the child’s room for any rocking or soothing. It will end up with her picking up the baby and before you know it, she’s back where she started.

OP seriously just needs to put the baby to bed and close the door. Oh and the lack of naps is definitely a contributing problem.

OP not piling on you. Have you thought about just cosleeping entirely? Or keeping her crib in your room?

Id also ask if there are any other issues besides sleeping like loose stools, congestion, not liking the car, excessive spitup. Did you recently start solids?

Im in the not sleep training boat but I do think there is a large swath of possibilities between my personal take (cosleeping until 18mo-2years and sharing responsibilities at night with another parent and both parents WOH before I get the comments about how not everyone has time for that) and the complete CIO shut the door avenue. Neither of these seem right for you based on your responses so youll need to find what does work for you and your baby and the rest of your family. If the pickup and dropoff situation cant change and short frequent naps are happening then you need to address night time sleep and/or naps, but likely both. What situation is going to allow you and baby to get the most sleep? It may be unorthodox for others but they dont matter, and the end of the day getting your childs total sleep time increased and your total sleep time increased is the priority.

At 7 months you are looking at 12-16 hours total and a few naps with daytime sleep averaging 3-4 hours. From your post it looks like its a 30min nap plus a few (1-3?) 20 min naps. When is the 30 min nap? If not an issue with driving, I would go in around 25 minutes and help her go back to sleep. Its making sure she goes out of the sleep cycle and assisting her to go right back in- that can take the form of patting or shushing etc. I also wonder if babywearing during that 30min nap is an option.

Is she falling asleep in the car towards the end of the drive home or to drop off- if so, is she in a convertible seat or a bucket seat? If its a bucket I would see if transferring to a stroller and using that time in the morning to walk and help her extend the nap and then start to shorten the walk then remove the walk all together and do a transfer with rocking and then remove rocking slowly to see if she can -over a few weeks of time- go from car seat to crib transition. Youve gotta find a way to break these 20-30 min cycles, which may take some more effort and work on your end.

Also I have plenty of friends who did not breastfeed whose children woke during the night. If nursing at night gets you all more sleep then do it. He/she will wean eventually and weaning is done slowly. I realize that some people feel that it is prolonging the inevitable but I prefer to remove nursing at night and implementation of stronger boundaries at night to when parents and child can communicate and they can understand what is going on. Its a slow process in my household and it works for us. Thats what matters.

Anonymous wrote:Who drives thirty minutes to school three times a day.

+1

A preschool within 10/15 min tops was my top priority. And the reason is obvious.

Your baby might have GERD especially if she's feeding every time she wakes up (and then you attempt to make her lay down on her back, ugh!).

Get those naps under control. It's rather mean she's not getting good sleep during the day for the past few months.

Anonymous wrote:We have a bad sleeper and finally, at nine months, did a strict routine at bedtime and let her cio. I wanted to make sure she had object permanence and knew we were in the other room. We tried checks and it made her madder.

Try a very strict and set bedtime routine first and then try DH giving her water when she wakes up. But you - the breasts - do not go back in! Start at four to six hour stretches.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Who drives thirty minutes to school three times a day.

Yeah, I can’t get past voluntarily driving 15 hrs/week for preschool and kindergarten.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op - there is a happy medium between what the pps are suggesting (just close the door) that is still sleep training and will help your situation and will involve some crying but is still responsive to your baby. Follow the peaceful sleeper on Instagram and consider doing a consultation. We worked with Ashley and she was so so so helpful. And they adjust everything to each parents comfort, can take it as gentle as needed. It was really individualized and our lives are soo much better. And during “sleep training” we still responded and soothed, rocked to sleep if a nap failed or baby couldn’t get down, and he still drastically improved within days and is doing better every day. My baby is a little younger but he is so much happier now that he sleeps more consistently. The peaceful sleeper has 4 kids so she understands balancing a variety of needs. She’s the most reasonable sleep person I’ve seen in that regard.

Thank you! This is so helpful.

You’re welcome! I actually did their group training (I did it with Ashley, who is one of the consultants under Chrissy who runs the peaceful sleeper because it’s a little cheaper with Ashley) it’s not cheap but it was SO SO helpful. They are actually on zoom with you while you are doing the training.. and can help you make it more gentle or adjust etc. Honestly my husband and I were both surprised at just how helpful it really was. My husband exclaimed he would have paid double at one point. It helped so much with the anxiety. Anyway they have much cheaper options for consults or other types of help ( a book, or a video course and you could def def do it on your own, but working with them directly was such a life saver for our tired selves) This is what we did (obviously a privilege that we can throw money at the issue)

https://thepeacefulsleeper.com/group-sleep-training/

I should add my son was also waking every 30min to an hour for much of the night (it was after 2am for us) so we were in pretty bad shape as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi op - there is a happy medium between what the pps are suggesting (just close the door) that is still sleep training and will help your situation and will involve some crying but is still responsive to your baby. Follow the peaceful sleeper on Instagram and consider doing a consultation. We worked with Ashley and she was so so so helpful. And they adjust everything to each parents comfort, can take it as gentle as needed. It was really individualized and our lives are soo much better. And during “sleep training” we still responded and soothed, rocked to sleep if a nap failed or baby couldn’t get down, and he still drastically improved within days and is doing better every day. My baby is a little younger but he is so much happier now that he sleeps more consistently. The peaceful sleeper has 4 kids so she understands balancing a variety of needs. She’s the most reasonable sleep person I’ve seen in that regard.

Thank you! This is so helpful.

You’re welcome! I actually did their group training (I did it with Ashley, who is one of the consultants under Chrissy who runs the peaceful sleeper because it’s a little cheaper with Ashley) it’s not cheap but it was SO SO helpful. They are actually on zoom with you while you are doing the training.. and can help you make it more gentle or adjust etc. Honestly my husband and I were both surprised at just how helpful it really was. My husband exclaimed he would have paid double at one point. It helped so much with the anxiety. Anyway they have much cheaper options for consults or other types of help ( a book, or a video course and you could def def do it on your own, but working with them directly was such a life saver for our tired selves) This is what we did (obviously a privilege that we can throw money at the issue)

https://thepeacefulsleeper.com/group-sleep-training/

Who drives thirty minutes to school three times a day.

Three hours in the car every day is a LOT for a baby. Until you solve that problem her sleep will remain a mess. Tbh she’d be better off in a daycare than spending all day in the car. Maybe get an au pair? This is not tenable.

I have 3 kids too and my youngest is 2.5. They were all bad sleeper, but what you are describing is beyond what we experienced (except if they were sick).

I would absolutely make your baby sleep more during the day. The baby is exhausted with 20 min here and there and you are teaching bad sleeping habits during the day.

I would co-sleep for now because I am absolutely against CIO, but you need to fix the day nap schedule. If you can’t hide anyone to pick up your kids, then change baby’s nap times to not be in conflict with pick ups. You need to do better during the day OP…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op you’ve received lots of suggestions but all you want to do is complain and say why they won’t work for you. Everyone move on to the next topic, op enjoys being miserable and thinking she has no solution.

Yep completely this.

+2

Anonymous wrote:Op you’ve received lots of suggestions but all you want to do is complain and say why they won’t work for you. Everyone move on to the next topic, op enjoys being miserable and thinking she has no solution.

Yep completely this.