Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

With all due respect, a well educated man is not an NYU film grad.

For some it may be a proxy for social class or income, but setting those aside I think it is about wanting a person who has a wide range of reference and knows how to question their own ideas. Reading a lot can be a substitute for higher education if you’re disciplined, but the point isn’t just to know more, it’s to be exposed to different people and different ways of thinking. To be challenged and have your own beliefs humbled. To understand the basis of different kinds of human knowledge, their limits and their possibilities. To value growing through always learning.

Just as you might want someone who cooks well or is handy, you might also want someone who knows how to work with different kinds of ideas. Not someone who is content to continue seeing the world through the lens of where they are from. It’s a mindset and a kind of character.

I also think it’s attractive to see someone succeed at something hard. Same as if you trained very hard for a certain activity, you would encounter your own limits and have to figure out how to level up. Being well educated often means you have some grit and mental discipline and natural intelligence, which helps with other issues in life. Not that people who don’t have an education don’t have these qualities, many do and don’t have opportunity. But it’s a kind of shorthand for qualities of temperament and character on the dating market.

Well educated to me means someone that has learned a lot about many topics. Going to school helps forming the basic knowledge, university, books, conversations, etc. Help you deepen that knowledge.
Knowledge shapes your choices and it’s the only way to really be free (or as free as we can be). Knowledge helps you see the world through different lenses and it even gives your self awareness.

I could never respect a man that cannot think on the same level as me… I could never be attracted to a man I can’t respect… I could never marry I man I am not attracted too.

I am sure there are exceptions, but graduate degree for me was a non-negotiable. I did not have a salary requirement though…

1)That woman is an anomaly in that she can't go out by herself and has no single friends to go out with.
2)She is the last one in her friend group to remain unmarried in spite of being "tall" and "pretty" and multiple online dates.
3)The comment about TJ/MIT's OCW/coding academies supplementing subpar CS degrees got labeled the worst comment "OF.ALL.TIME" by someone who provided no evidence of hiring software engineers. TJ is #1 for STEM, MIT's OCW has courses from Stanford, MIT, and IIT (also best in class) and coding academy graduates are doing so much better in performance they got sued by universities out of jealousy. I suspect there are people here who peaked in college.
4)A woman clearly wrote 0 for intelligence/career/income in the "how important thread", but she's invisible to you. Don't see what you want to see.

All that being said, I went to a university where they taught racial self-segregation as a method to exclude; lying, cheating, and stealing are awesome except during 1-hour tests when you sign a pledge; when 44 rapes on campus occur make sure there is a spectacle of a rape claim retraction/lie to invalidate the others, etc. If someone didn't want to date someone normalized to misogyny, bigotry, unethical behavior, or egotism I would support them. Which is more apropos-"What is men's obsession with treating more holistic-seeking women as invisible?" or "What is OP's obsession with treating more holistic-seeking women as invisible?". Let one unsuccessful woman obsess over education--the bigger infraction is your lumping all women together and propagating a stereotype.

Incels who claim to have an “Ivy degree” typically went to the Ag school at Cornell.

We understand why you wouldn’t understand the value some people assign to being educated and worldly. It’s just a different value system—my social circle is super varied, but there are some common threads: we read books, travel, think about things, have ambitions of one stripe of another—not even academic in most cases, but people are engaged and interesting and try to do something with their time on earth. We also all get references to something other than professional wrestling.

Someone who is not well-educated (and god forbid someone who takes pride in that status) is likely not going to be a good fit. Go drive your jet skis and guzzle all the Mountain Dew you can afford on your very hefty successful blue collar salary. That’s great. But if you bristle at a woman thinking well-educated is a positive attribute, then I can probably tell you 10 other things about yourself, all not flattering.

And to be clear, well educated isn’t even necessarily a function of formal education. I’ve known incredibly well read and educated, fascinating people who didn’t go to Yale. But let’s not pretend most bricklayers are Good Will Hunting.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with you, OP. With women now 60% of college graduates, this higher education criteria is going to leave more women without a mate. FWIW, I’m an attorney and DH doesn’t have a degree. He makes a good salary at a job he loves. We still have intelligent conversations. People wrongly equate intelligence with education. My experience working in the government has proven that plenty of people with degrees are complete idiots.

I agree. I married a blue collar guy. He's a wonderful husband and father. We have a great life and family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Well-educated" = financially well off. The same as when women say they want a man who is "ambitious".

LOL is this a joke?

There are FAR TOO MANY well educated americans who went to college, are deep in student debt and live paycheck to paycheck.

This comment is hilarious.

Yeah but when women say it they don’t mean “guy who got an MA in Film from Columbia and is now a waiter” they mean we’ll educated and is in a good career making good money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is incel-speak for “how dare women have standards.”

That's exactly what it is

No the point was women have dumb standards.

It is a lot more useful than “I want a hot skinny chick”.

In ten years he will still be well educated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is one of the new status symbols. Newer generations are less materialistic but not less status-seeking.

It’s not a symbol. Higher education actually DOES carry higher status.

Ugh. What do you mean, it’s not a symbol? Status is a symbol, it’s not reflecting an objective, tangible thing that you can grasp. It’s something that humans came up with, and therefore is symbolic. We choose things like money, beauty, education as symbols of status, but we could easily have chosen other things. My point is, you say that higher education carries higher status, as if that is some fact of nature. It doesn’t carry higher status any more than any other thing.

Uhm it actually does. A harvard or Stanford educated person is considered an elite in this country.

My requirement was at a minimum; the guy needed a STEM bachelor's degree. Why? Because I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I only have an AA degree. Long story short, I married a medical doctor. It's a great thing; my husband didn't have the well-educated requirement. I am more intellectually curious than him, though. Degrees don't always make a person enjoyable. DH doesn't read for pleasure. He's not into listening to NPR.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is one of the new status symbols. Newer generations are less materialistic but not less status-seeking.

It’s not a symbol. Higher education actually DOES carry higher status.

Ugh. What do you mean, it’s not a symbol? Status is a symbol, it’s not reflecting an objective, tangible thing that you can grasp. It’s something that humans came up with, and therefore is symbolic. We choose things like money, beauty, education as symbols of status, but we could easily have chosen other things. My point is, you say that higher education carries higher status, as if that is some fact of nature. It doesn’t carry higher status any more than any other thing.

I agree with you, OP. With women now 60% of college graduates, this higher education criteria is going to leave more women without a mate. FWIW, I’m an attorney and DH doesn’t have a degree. He makes a good salary at a job he loves. We still have intelligent conversations. People wrongly equate intelligence with education. My experience working in the government has proven that plenty of people with degrees are complete idiots.

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. Neither my spouse or i have degrees. We live ineastern moco, our one kid goes to a Christian private, we travel, have newish cars, can afford to take care of our pets, eat out etc…..I actually wonder the same thing about people looking for nannies. They want newborn nannies with degrees. It doesn’t take a degree to love and care for a baby.

Well, I can tell you don't have a degree. No offense. Enjoy your 'newish' cars.

Anonymous wrote:"Well-educated" = financially well off. The same as when women say they want a man who is "ambitious".

LOL is this a joke?

There are FAR TOO MANY well educated americans who went to college, are deep in student debt and live paycheck to paycheck.

This comment is hilarious.