OP, you need to understand that women are more likely than men to find gray hair on other women attractive. Decide if you care what men think, but know that on this site, you are mostly going to get feedback from middle aged women.

My son has a new friend at school and his mom is about 50% gray and gorgeous. I'd say she's about 41. It helps that she's thin, has amazing skin and lovely features, and great style. Her hair is straight and cut in a bob.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

Deeply internalized patriarchy, clean-up on aisle one.

I don't think you understand what "internalized patriarchy" actually means.

Let me get this straight: if I don't agree that gray hair on under 60s women looks great and "bad ass", I am a victim of the patriarchy? Is that right? Can you make me a list of acceptable opinions to have about hair and fashion so that I don't unknowingly harbor the wrong one again? Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

You know what’s bad ass? Rocking your gray hair, loving your body, staying active and healthy, being mature/old enough not to GAF what other people think. That is bad ass. That is confidence. That is sexy.

Just because you want it to be true does not make it true. I am sorry, but if you have let yourself go gray and you are under 60, you almost certainly look frumpy and old. That's great if you don't GAF what others think, but the point of this thread is about how other people perceive gray hair (is it considered "bad ass" by onlookers). And no, it isn't "bad ass"; that is not what people are thinking. They are thinking you look frumpy and old.

On threads like this, it is never acceptable to say the uncomfortable truth, or even to voice an opinion that runs contrary to the notion that every woman can be sexy, beautiful, and "bad ass."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

You know what’s bad ass? Rocking your gray hair, loving your body, staying active and healthy, being mature/old enough not to GAF what other people think. That is bad ass. That is confidence. That is sexy.

Yes!

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

Deeply internalized patriarchy, clean-up on aisle one.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

You know what’s bad ass? Rocking your gray hair, loving your body, staying active and healthy, being mature/old enough not to GAF what other people think. That is bad ass. That is confidence. That is sexy.

Anonymous wrote:One of the people in the link above mentioned that it was easier to grow out the gray if you go blonde first, so the transition isn't as stark. I think this is my plan. Maybe see if you can find a blonde that is just a warmer tone of your natural gray shade and then go from there? I think the hardest part is getting over the initial shock of seeing it come in and comparing it to your dyed hair.

I do think it can be bad ass, but the transition is vulnerable. I bet once you've fully grown it in you'll like it a lot more (plus no more dye! liberating!)

An acquaintance has done this (but she was blond before). It looks good and she's not celebrity gorgeous or anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

I have to agree with you. So many people on here just want to rationalize and believe it's "badass" (can we please retire this phrase, it's hackneyed), when almost every woman with gray (under 65) just looks frumpy.

Agree. To look great under 65 and gray, you have to have a beautiful face, be thin, wear great clothes. Plus, gray hair needs to be styled and tamed. It is not wash and go. And gray hair requires brighter and more makeup so you don't look like a corpse.

Being beautiful, thin, stylish, with always "done" hair and makeup describes very few women in day to day life.

Anonymous wrote:I really liked what Andie McDowell had to say on the matter. https://www.thezoereport.com/culture/andie-macdowell-maid-gray-hair-hollywood

Maye Musk (or however she spells it). She has a clunker of a son, but I covet her hair. Glenn Close’s hair in Crooked House, too.

And I’m tired of women being the ones to reinforce the double standard that men with grey hair are silver foxes but that women with grey hair are “frumpy.” You guys are part of the problem.

If men had shoulder length hair and it was going gray, they would look frumpy too. But they mostly don't. They have short hair which makes incoming gray blend well and look incorporated.

It isn't so much that it makes women look old, but transition from brown to gray takes years with longer hair. First the brown hairs might get brassy as they lose pigment. Then gray hairs sprout up here and there. But they don't match the rest of the length so they stick out, both in color and quite literally. Then as more and more grow in, you have concentrated denser area of gray on the top half, while you wait for the length to catch up with the rest of your hair. This looks not so good. And this is natural non-dyed hair. Dyed hair going to full gray is another story.

I really liked what Andie McDowell had to say on the matter. https://www.thezoereport.com/culture/andie-macdowell-maid-gray-hair-hollywood

Maye Musk (or however she spells it). She has a clunker of a son, but I covet her hair. Glenn Close’s hair in Crooked House, too.

And I’m tired of women being the ones to reinforce the double standard that men with grey hair are silver foxes but that women with grey hair are “frumpy.” You guys are part of the problem.

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

I have to agree with you. So many people on here just want to rationalize and believe it's "badass" (can we please retire this phrase, it's hackneyed), when almost every woman with gray (under 65) just looks frumpy.

Why do some look good with grey, but others not? I've tried to find a connection. I have some grey hairs.

Sorry, but in most cases, average women look frumpy and old and as if they've given up on taking care of themselves when they go gray. The (very, VERY) few cases of women looking great with gray/white hair have been in exceptionally beautiful women with amazing, fine bone structure and naturally slim bodies. For the majority of non-celebs, going gray makes you look significantly worse.

When I see someone all gray, I usually think confident and natural. Someone who doesn't care what other people think, in a good way. Which in and of itself IS badass.