Will anyone feds up to their kid being mean?

Anonymous wrote:Lol you are going to get very distorted answers here.

You were correct. Many distorted answers here.

OMG, get a life, OP.

Good social skills. Maturity.

Anonymous wrote:Extremely confident. Genuinely kind, very funny. And yes, although “popular” now as an athletic middle schooler, he stood apart socially even in K, even before he was taller.

I was about to write the same for my sophomore daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you are going to get very distorted answers here. Waiting for this response:

Well my child wields social power to exclude others and in doing so inspires a little bit of fear and admiration from peers. She’s quick to penalize anyone who isn’t loyal so they learn quick. Having money and being white with blonde hair helps.

I don't really think such kids are all that popular. It's more than they are powerful, which is not insignificant but it is different. There are always many kids (excluded ones but also others) who do not like those queen bees.

+1

Agree. In our close in suburb, the Queen Bee is looked at with disdain, but people "smile to her face" (figuratively, of course) to keep off her radar. No one wants to be QB, and no one wants to be known to associate with QB, because she is very much stuck in high school (same neighborhood as where she grew up, sadly).

The popular people are nice to everyone, genuine, even keeled and somewhat charismatic - they do their own thing. They don't fall for the QB schtick (see above, which nailed it), and they don't get sucked into the QB's drama.

The popular kids in school were always nice to everyone, and looks didn't hurt. Not vanity, but appealing and pleasant looking. (The vain ones tend to fall into the QB category).

I haven't figured out where my son is on the social ladder. Based off of a variety of greetings when I drop him off he seems well liked. He is on a hugging basis with several kids. He is very friendly and outgoing. He's very intune with pop culture which I believe helps a kid's social status.

My youngest in ES is sporty, cute, funny, a little bossy but like a leader not a dictator (except at home) and all the children love her and she gets invited to tons of birthday parties and playdates. My older DD in HS is the opposite: brainy, quiet, pretty but unapproachable and kind of intimidating (even to me). She has friends but they are all quirky magnet kids like her that march to the beat of their own drum.

Anonymous wrote:Extroverted, good verbal skills, average-ish(non-intimidating and relatable), egocentric(I’m being literal), well groomed, into trends/normality.

Same poster. I don’t actually have one. Just sharing my observations, good and bad.

Extroverted, good verbal skills, average-ish(non-intimidating and relatable), egocentric(I’m being literal), well groomed, into trends/normality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol you are going to get very distorted answers here. Waiting for this response:

Well my child wields social power to exclude others and in doing so inspires a little bit of fear and admiration from peers. She’s quick to penalize anyone who isn’t loyal so they learn quick. Having money and being white with blonde hair helps.

Ha! This would be true if the 1980’s mean girls. Popular kids today are different. It’s not that there aren’t mean kids anymore, it’s just that they don’t look and act like what you remember.

In my experience, this is still very much the case once you get to the middle school years, especially with the girls. Some of you all haven’t quite gotten there yet, or maybe you’re delusional about your kid’s popularity (and that can go either way... you might think they’re more popular than they are or you might think they couldn’t possibly be mean, when in fact they are.) Or perhaps you just live in a magical place.

Or perhaps people have different experiences and are seeing things differently from you. I’ve had kids for long enough and in different environments enough to see that groups dynamics can differ substantially depending on particular kids and circumstances. Likability generally translates across situations but power is much more circumstantial.

My oldest was popular in grade school. She’s pretty, dynamic, smart, socially savvy. People see her as a leader, because of how she holds herself. She’s in 8th grade and does seem to still get attention from others but her natural introvert tendencies have come out and she says she’s happier with her group of friends and not super interested in the popular crowd who are mostly not good students, vape etc. she may be popular again in high school ? Or not. Better if she isn’t probably.

My 6th grader always had friends, but wasn’t popular in grade school. I can see her gaining in popularity bc she’s also pretty, cool, knows how to dress, and is freaking hilarious. Like no one is funnier than this kid. Not a mean bone in her body. She’s super anxious too but not a pushover, confident in what she likes.

My kid is in his first year of working now, so not really a kid. But he was popular, and it always kind of amazed me because he was raised by two introverted bookworms. I used to watch him with his peers (I was a teacher at his high school) and just marvel.

Here's how he was different from dh and me:

The primary thing was that he is/was super confident. He never seemed to consider that anybody could think anything bad about him. Somehow this made him especially kind and pleasant to be around. He always seemed to assume that people he knew were fair, reasonable, and similarly well-intentioned. He really was/is nice to everyone. I know common wisdom seems to indicate that the popular kids are mean, but my ds and his friends really were nice to people. he was once suspended from school for beating up a kid who had been saying some disgusting things about girls (not one girl, but a few). One day my kid stood up in the lunchroom and just went automatic, beating this jerk to the ground. As a teacher, I was appalled. As a parent, I was so proud (other teachers told me how they supported my kid in this too).

He has a great sense of humor (and a hilarious, infectious bellow of a laugh). He could find the absurd in a situation and laugh at it, and others laugh with him.

He was good at school and had interests. He loved animals since he was little and as he got older, he focused a lot on his science and math grades because he knew he wanted vet school. He was known as the guy to call when you found a baby bird on the ground or if your parents said you had to get rid of a pet. Girls seemed to find this endearing. His interest in getting and keeping the grades he needed to achieve his goal kept him mainly out of trouble. The peer study groups he participated in further cemented good friendships with kids who were motivated and had priorities. Parents liked him and wanted their kids to be friends with him or date him.

He was tall and handsome. Not his fault or doing and not something you can do much about, but I do think being good looking made him a source of fascination for some people.

He wasn't/isn't perfect. His room was a disgusting sty and he is not a creative person: I wish he had been/was able to find pleasure in art or reading fiction, but no, that just isn't him. But his strengths seemed to align to make him "popular" in high school, for what that is worth.

I will say that some of my ds's classmates who were less popular really thrived and bloomed in college, so just because a kid isn't "popular" in high school doesn't mean that this sets the stage entirely for all his future social endeavors. (Though dh and I were and are both introverted and avoid the kind of intense social scenes our son craved/craves).

Anonymous wrote:She is very easy going and funny. Boys and girls alike have always liked her because she's kind to everyone and up for anything (i.e. she's not bossy about what to do, she'll join in a game others are playing). She's also very pretty, although she's always been popular and I'm not sure if five-year olds are drawn to good looks?

This may sound obnoxious but I attribute it to the genes she got from me. I have always been popular - liked even by people I don't like. I'm outgoing and friendly, I don't start arguments, I don't drink a lot so I'm never embarrassingly drunk or saying stupid/annoying things, I ask people questions about themselves and I take genuine interest in how they are doing, I am a gracious hostess and always try to make people feel comfortable. However, I don't do anything that makes me feel like I'm not being true to myself, if that makes sense. I think my daughter is the same - she doesn't try to be popular, she just is.

You're absolutely right -- you sound totally obnoxious, so full of yourself, and exhausting to be around.

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is ‘popular’ at school and with other kids, what do you think makes them popular? What are their personality traits like? What can attribute their popularity to? What characteristics about your kid do you think make them attract other kids easily?

Extremly easy going and laid back.

If she trips in front of everyone, she'll bow and laugh it off, which gives everyone else permission to laugh too (but then they're laughing WITH her and not at her).
She doesn't have any of that hang ups or insecurities that a lot of teenagers have.

She doesn't allow herself get pulled into drama or toxic relationships, she's really friends with anyone who wants to be friends with her & she never, ever gossips behind people's backs.

She's empathetic, kind and very considerate... and she'll always stick up for what's right, whether she knows the person being made fun of or hurt or not.

She just really doesn't take herself too seriously, which makes her really easy to be around... oh, and she's freaking hysterical.
Probably the funniest, wittiest, person I've ever met.

I wish I was like her when I was in high school.