Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:23     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
SIL needs to get thicker skin. We all joke like that in my family. Good for Daughter for sticking up for herself!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:23     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.



You were both not in the wrong. Your 17 year old reacted like a 17 year old. Your SIL needs to get over it.


This! I think that you did the right thing here by not getting involved. Yes, your stepdaughter could have been more polite, but at her age it's far more important that she learn that lesson for herself by trial and error engaging with others.

If I were you I would shrug and say, she's 17, what did you expect? SIL needs to grow up. A non-related 17 year old may have reacted the same way.


No. 17 year old need guidance, Not shrugs . I would not punish my daughter, but I certainly would tell her how she should have reacted.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:22     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting


SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!



Sil offered a price. ALl SD had to do was decline, Laughing and being nasty were not required. Even if SIL was intentionally being insulting which I don't believe she was, you do as Michelle Obama tells us to go high, there's never a reason to lower yourself.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:20     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have a 16 year old daughter who babysits to earn extra spending money. I have 2 kids ages 5&7 and I give her first choice if she wants to babysit or not before I ask anyone else when I need after school care. I pay her $17/hour and she watches them anywhere from 2-15 hours a week. She sometimes does other babysitting jobs on the weekends and her weekend rates start at $20+/hour. This is the average rate for our area.

The issue started when SIL wanted a date night on a Friday night. They have FOUR kids ages 3,5,8 &10. My daughter said she would charge $25/hour with a 4 hour minimum. My SIL was shocked and said she was thinking more along the $10 hour range. My daughter laughed in her face and said she was not running a charity and wished her luck finding a babysitter for her cheap price. My daughter then proceeded to walk away laughing.

My SIL was furious and asked me how I could just stand there and let her be so disrespectful. I told her that my daughter viewed $10 an hour as an insult and she was trying to take advantage of her. I'm not going to punish her for standing up for herself. She then complained to my husband and he blew her off and told her to get over it and he did not care. She then goes crying to my brother. He said at minimum my daughter should apologize. I told him I don't think so.

This has caused a huge family drama with them. Am I in the wrong? Is my daughter in the wrong? If anyone should apologize it should be SIL for trying to take advantage of my daughter.



You were both not in the wrong. Your 17 year old reacted like a 17 year old. Your SIL needs to get over it.


This! I think that you did the right thing here by not getting involved. Yes, your stepdaughter could have been more polite, but at her age it's far more important that she learn that lesson for herself by trial and error engaging with others.

If I were you I would shrug and say, she's 17, what did you expect? SIL needs to grow up. A non-related 17 year old may have reacted the same way.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:20     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Also, why does SIL think she can tell you how to parent your child? She is super rude and presumptuous. I bet her kids are all nightmares.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:20     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.


Wtf, these are not the only options! Is she going to laugh and walk out of job interviews? She can stick to her price without being rude. It’s bad but it’s also stupid as a business move. She should never burn bridges with potential customers. Next week the aunt could have come back at $20/hr, or passed her name to someone who would.


People are going on about step-daughter being taken advantage of, I highly doubt she would have acted this way if it was a non-family member, if she does she's probably laughed her way out of jobs. I don't mean low-paying jobs, I mean jobs that she would probably love to have. People talk, and it is incredibly easy in the world of babysitting to gain a bad reputation without ever harming a kid.

Charm is everything in this world, and knowing how to use it, how to hold firm, and not sway from your standards without being nasty is a life skill.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:18     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Your SIL wanted free/super cheap child care and is pissed she isn't getting what she wants. She had four kids; now she needs to deal with the consequences.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:17     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting


SIL set the nasty tone by offering less than half of what the SD quoted her. How insulting and rude is that? And SIL is the grown-up!!!!
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:16     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
I think your SIL was rude for counter-proposing $10 after your SD stated her rate for 4 kids is $25. Who does SIL think she is?

She could have said nicely that that was too high a rate for her and left it at that - not go and say she thinks your SD should be charging less than half (!!!) of what she was quoted. SIL is the rude one.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:16     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
This is when you should hire outside of the family. It's like going to a bar where your pal is the bartender to get "hooked up" and end up spending and tipping twice as much as you would have anywhere else.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:15     Subject: Re:SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Laughing in someone's face and then walking away while continuing to laugh is absolutely rude. Full stop.


Seriously. I can’t believe anyone is defending this. Society is so f’ed up. I feel sorry for my kids growing up today.



I can. DCUM is just like DC full of rude and socially inept people.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:14     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
You, your Stepdaughter, and your husband are in the wrong. Full stop. It has zero to do with standing up for herself.

There are 1001 and one ways to your rate and not be nasty.

I say this as someone who worked her way through school as a nanny and babysitting
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:09     Subject: Re:SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Your daughter is right. Women are always told they’re rude when they’re standing up for themselves. I doubt your daughter was laughing hysterically and rolling on the floor. She probably said Ha ha no way.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:05     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:$10/hour for four kids is, indeed, laughable.


Still not appropriate to actually laugh.


It’s even less appropriate to offer $10 an hour
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 19:04     Subject: SIL is upset I did not punish my step daughter for being disrespectful
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It makes me crazy when teenage girls, or even young women, don’t stand up for themselves or state clearly what they charge for things like babysitting.

Good for your daughter! Laughing in your sil’s face is rude but refusing to work for a really low amount of money is going to serve your daughter well in the long run.



This. All of it.
+100


+1000 too many women think they have to be polite about salaries, your DD deserves praise for standing up for herself