https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-knows-instagram-is-toxic-for-teen-girls-company-documents-show-11631620739?mod=hp_trending_now_article_pos5

Instagram is toxic no matter what age you are

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m a woman like this and to be honest? Beauty and fashion is my hobby. I enjoy watching fashion shows, learning about makeup techniques on YouTube, and chatting with my Derm about new products. Consistently looking pulled together isn’t effortless, but some people enjoy the effort more than others. Here’s what I do:

Standing personal care - hair, nails, skin, brows
Exercise and eat well - count calories every day and try to make sure I MOVE
Wardrobe - I got in a rut and had a personal stylist who helped me spend $7k on my wardrobe. Tons of basic and special pieces. Now a supplement each season and I felt great about my wardrobe.

And with doing all this, there are tons of women who look more pulled together than me. Because they work for it more than I do. More effort.

There is it $7K! All at once or close to it.

Because you haven't seen their credit card bills.

Anonymous wrote:Op I know what you mean and marvel at this. I see it as a combination of the following:

- fit and toned body
- well cared for and styled hair
- beautiful clean skin
- good quality and well fitted clothes
- well coordinated shoes and accessories

It’s A LOT of effort, time and money. Some women seen their presentation as an essential part of who they are and their self worth.

This. It takes a lot of time and money, especially as you get older.

OP, if you want to do this, then find some outfits online and try to copy them, or go to a personal shopper. I think Nordstrom might still offer this as a free service. Don't try to recreate the wheel and start shopping from a blank piece of paper. Just copy others. If you don't have an established sense of style, then you need to buy complete outfits, including accessories. Don't buy anything if you don't know what to wear it with. Say you settle on a pair or two of shoes for a season. Make sure everything you buy works with those shoes. Start off trying to look polished even if you're copying some basic looks. Don't jump into trying to look like a high end model right off the bat. And don't buy anything that doesn't look fabulous on you. You can get some things tailored to fit better too.

Find a skin care expert or influencer you like and copy them. Follow tutorials for your type of hair. Get a good haircut. Use dry shampoo so you only have to wash your hair a couple times per week. Follow makeup experts and copy them. Go to a few beauty counters to find products you like. It will still take you a lot of time to get ready, but this is how to get started if you really want to do it.

Finally, you have to get in good shape or nothing will look as good on you. I focus on exercise and diet and only occasionally do my hair and make up. I have a decent sense of style so I have some casual pieces that look cute while I'm doing activities with the kids. It's just not worth it to me to look Instagram-ready every time I leave the house. I feel like I get more bang for my buck staying in good shape anyway.

My hair is naturally frizzy and I don’t have the best sense of style so I am not one you are talking about. I don’t post photos on social media.

However, I do often get comments about my skin and how they don’t believe I can have kids my age or how I look the same as I did…. I take time on my eyebrows and Botox. Those two things do wonders.

All has to do with age. I dated a few truly beautiful “women” between 20-31. For fun over years on LinkedIn or Facebook take a peak. Most have not aged well at all.

BTW it is intermediating to date a really beautiful women. I recall I had this one girlfriend literally more beautiful than any model or movie star. Five foot nine inch, 120 pounds yet somehow a figure and perfect breads and beautiful blonde hair. I recall folks described her as a much better looking younger version of Christie Brinkley.

She did not work out and ate junk food.

Weird part I took her to two weddings and I could feel the bride wanted to rip her heart out. Even my old uncles were lining up to dance with her. I later took her to my company Xmas party and the posted photos pretty much had her in like 30 percent of shots. She did not work there. I have guys pretty much jump out of cars while I was walking with her.

I dated three girlfriends that level. They are that hot. One girl I dated pre internet got paid to go to clubs and restaurants. They actually pay her to eat and drink. I recall one club owner said 40-100 guys will come on extra if she just sat in front.

But all of them got old

Anonymous wrote:Wait, you're basing this off of what you see on social media??

+1

Social media makes people unhappy. Case in point.

Anonymous wrote:I am in shape, spend money on clothes/beauty/hair (not a ton but I do invest in these things), and I always feel like I have nothing to wear and I look unkempt. I don't think I'm unattractive and can look good when I am pulled together but I feel like that's so rare and get's harder as I get older.

I never go on Instagram, it wasn't even downloaded to my current phone which I got months and months ago. But I had a message on there so I downloaded the app to see it and wound up scrolling. I know all these women who always look great -- their clothes are so flattering and fit them really well and they have the right accessories and they have all these photos of themselves just in their everyday lives looking as pulled together as I look for, like, a wedding. How are they doing it?

I feel like part of the problem is I'm not investing in stuff like expensive bras or tailoring but I don't even know where to start with that stuff. It feels overwhelming. I'm never going to find a lipstick that flatters and doesn't rub off instantly. My hair is always going to look a little messy unless I take 45 minutes to "do" it. I can never find shoes and bags that really go with a lot in my closet and feel like I'm always wearing something that almost works but doesn't quite. Are these women just spending a LOT more time and money on this stuff, or are they just naturally more beautiful, or what. I feel like I have the raw ingredients and just can't seem to pull it off.

If it’s influencer, this is their job and they aren’t financing it.

OP, I’m a woman like this and to be honest? Beauty and fashion is my hobby. I enjoy watching fashion shows, learning about makeup techniques on YouTube, and chatting with my Derm about new products. Consistently looking pulled together isn’t effortless, but some people enjoy the effort more than others. Here’s what I do:

Standing personal care - hair, nails, skin, brows
Exercise and eat well - count calories every day and try to make sure I MOVE
Wardrobe - I got in a rut and had a personal stylist who helped me spend $7k on my wardrobe. Tons of basic and special pieces. Now a supplement each season and I felt great about my wardrobe.

And with doing all this, there are tons of women who look more pulled together than me. Because they work for it more than I do. More effort.

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of this is:

1) hair. I have curly frizzy hair. I’d have to get it professionally blow dried multiple times a week and never get it wet in order for it to look perfect all the time. So I’m never going to be that perfect straight haired girl. There’s a satc episode about thisL curly vs straight haired women.

2) some women’s moms teach them how to do makeup and hair and dress well. And then they put effort into doing so. My mom dressed like a homeless lady half the time.

3) body. My body is fine. Tall. Fairly thin. But I have large hips and that makes It harder to look perfect. Some of this is body type. Some bodies just look better and more put together in clothes than others. We might still have nice bodies, but clothes just don’t hang as well on us.

OP here. I feel all of this. Especially the thing about moms. My mom was so weird about appearances and self care when I was a kid. She HATED her appearance and was always dieting and changing her hair. She had no idea how to wear makeup but tried. No idea how to dress either and since she hated her body she slowly just morphed into wearing huge sack clothes that covered it up. Growing up I didn't necessarily know who I wanted to be but I knew I didn't want to be like that. I refused to loathe my body, no matter what. Like I said in my OP, I think I'm good looking. But maybe that's it -- maybe there's some key that confident, put together women pass on to their daughters and I just don't know what it is. I wish they'd share it with me! I don't have low self-esteem but I'd love to just feel more composed in my day to day.

I think a lot of this is:

1) hair. I have curly frizzy hair. I’d have to get it professionally blow dried multiple times a week and never get it wet in order for it to look perfect all the time. So I’m never going to be that perfect straight haired girl. There’s a satc episode about thisL curly vs straight haired women.

2) some women’s moms teach them how to do makeup and hair and dress well. And then they put effort into doing so. My mom dressed like a homeless lady half the time.

3) body. My body is fine. Tall. Fairly thin. But I have large hips and that makes It harder to look perfect. Some of this is body type. Some bodies just look better and more put together in clothes than others. We might still have nice bodies, but clothes just don’t hang as well on us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect = hours of investment of time every day. That's what it takes. I am not this way, but my southern in-laws are. It's just how they operate.

So how do they have time for truly meaningful hobbies and volunteering? Oh wait...

So you spend two hours gardening and they spend it blow drying their hair - how are you morally superior? OH WAIT....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect = hours of investment of time every day. That's what it takes. I am not this way, but my southern in-laws are. It's just how they operate.

So how do they have time for truly meaningful hobbies and volunteering? Oh wait...

I don't participate, but why are you judging what's "truly meaningful?" Who cares if their hobby is make-up vs. knitting? How do you know that they don't volunteer? They actually do a ton of charity work (a lot of it is based on socializing, but they do help people). What's your damage? What "truly meaningful" hobby do you participate in that is so much more worthy of your appreciation?

GMAFB

Op I know what you mean and marvel at this. I see it as a combination of the following:

- fit and toned body
- well cared for and styled hair
- beautiful clean skin
- good quality and well fitted clothes
- well coordinated shoes and accessories

It’s A LOT of effort, time and money. Some women seen their presentation as an essential part of who they are and their self worth.

Anonymous wrote:Perfect = hours of investment of time every day. That's what it takes. I am not this way, but my southern in-laws are. It's just how they operate.

So how do they have time for truly meaningful hobbies and volunteering? Oh wait...