Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 08:10     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:I got a call from DS’s private school today. Another kid in class tested positive so the class needs to go into quarantine for 10 days, can I come pick DS up.
Sure. I get out of work, which isn’t easy, I head over, though I did notice they called me first, and that all the other people picking up were moms.

I work. DH works. He makes more money and I only recently went back to work, but we both work.

On the way home I call three pharmacies - none of which have rapid COVID tests or appointments available until Friday. We go to urgent care at THREE places-5 hour wait minimum, and we can’t leave the premises. No appointments til Friday. I call DH and ask him to help.

After 2 hours of searching I finally find an appointment at a small private pharmacy, simultaneously DH gets an appointment at a local hospital.
He calls to tell me and then gets pissed b/c I am already on my way to the other appointment. Tells me, “I took time out of my busy day to help
you, and you should go to this appointment.” I’m like -WTH-this is your child too. Then he proceeds to tell me he doesn’t want to ask for any time off (even though he has it) b/c it’ll inconvenience his work. I have a job too! Not only that, but it’s a somewhat new job, only one month in, and I can’t suddenly ask for 10 days off to watch DS during his required quarantine.

Big fight.
Finally he asks his work and we split the days of coverage.

DH is a nice guy. But so clueless sometimes. So clueless. Now he’s acting like he’s a big savior for getting 5 days off to watch his child. Wants me to thank him profusely.

I’m so sick of COVID.


You couldn't find a place for testing? Preston Pharmacy in Arlington has been testing since last year. Can even obtain same day results. We've been using them since last summer.

https://prestonspharmacy.com/covid/

Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 08:06     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:If you only recently went back to work, this is a new division of labor. I think you should talk it over when you are less mad.

We have 2 kids at 2 schools. We each are listed first for 1 kid. We each read emails and do forms for 1 school.


I think this is key. I’ve been in your shoes, OP, going back to work after being a SAHM with a spouse in a demanding profession. After a couple of months we realized we had underestimated the impact it would have on both of our work lives, and how much flexibility we would each have to juggle everything. We worked it out, but it took some serious discussions where we both had to lay down our own needs and interests for a bit and really listen to what the other person needs.

You are recently back to work, re-establishing yourself not only in a new job but as a professional generally. Fair or not, your employer likely is scrutinizing your attendance, productivity and responsiveness even more than usual for a new employee given the gap in your resume, so you need to be that much more on the ball right now to prove yourself. You need him to take on more of these disruptions so you can do that.

Your husband works a demanding job where everyone around him has become accustomed to him being fully present and available all the time, with no unexpected interruptions from home. Heck, perhaps he wouldn’t have gotten to his current position at all if he’d had to juggle work and home life all those years. If he suddenly starts calling out a lot, people are going to wonder if he’s slipping and perhaps not up to the job anymore. You’re working now but he’s still the primary breadwinner and may be concerned about your financial stability if he were to lose his job because his employer and/or clients lose confidence in him, so he needs to maintain a steady presence at work. He needs you to take on more of these disruptions so he can do that.

You both have competing needs that have to be reconciled in a way that works for both of you. One of you may have to compromise more than the other, you may need to find outside help with stuff, you (and by you I mean both of you) may need to adjust your expectations for how your home life functions, I don’t know what the answer is because it’s particular to your situation. But bickering over who should have to bear the burden of your child is not a healthy way to do it.

This is an opportunity if you want it to be. This kind of thing will happen again, so this is a good opening to talk to your husband about the realities of these kinds of events and how you can/will share effort going forward.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 08:05     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
“Not wanting to go back to work once the kids are in school is lazy,” they say. “What do you do all day, shower?” they say.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:57     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:I just wonder if kids and working moms are doable. Seems like the husbands just don't get it.

I worked for 20 years. Had our child at 40 and stopped working. Being a SAHM is really hard!

No easy answers.


It is doable. I have 3 children, two oldest are already in college. I always worked. I bring in a good income too, as much or more than my husband.

But, from the very beginning, something like this - "helping me out" - would be a grave offense. Imagine you found out your husband is sleeping with a co-worker from time to time, what would you say? This is what I would say for "helping out". Initially, my husband was shocked, he grew up with a SAHM. I told him that if he is not stepping up, I am leaving and insisting on 50/50 custody. And I mean 50/50, for his 50, he'll be on his own 100%. And this will be the end of his career, because it involves working evenings and weekends; he'll have to find something less exciting. So, as I showed him, he does not really have a choice of whether he is raising his kid, the only choice is whether he does it with me or on his own.

When the online learning started for school and all the activities, my husband signed up for all the online accounts, installed whatever was needed on HIS devices, etc. I do not get any school communications. The kid knows - any issue with school, choir, etc, go ask your father. I have enough managing the household stuff.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:35     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:Apologize to him for not texting the SECOND you got an appointment. It was fine for you to be calling in tandem to different spots. However, you should BY NO MEANS been *on your way* to the *Appointment* with him still calling and losing work time.

Apologize to him for not delegating and calling your credit card concierge service using the phone number on the back to call the pharmacies. They do this free in tandem.

Apologize again to him for not using your health insurance card by calling the customer/member service number on the back. Their entire job is to call in tandem or even while you are at work, etc. Blue Cross even job me an MRI appointment on a Sunday Holiday on the last day/same day-they called 47 places! Their job is to literally get you an appointment.

Apologize for not calling a grandmother, posting on here, or making a facebook post asking if anyone has done this and found a place. Ask yourself why you didn't post asking people for help with an appointment but instead wanted sympathy when there is a preponderance of evidence that you were the "CLUELESS" one. Apologize for bashing him instead of appreciating him taking time off so YOU can work at a job which I hope you will never get promoted to a position over other people.

Apologize for being delusional that you are some master of delegation, have any reading/awareness of your resources, and don't waste people's time. You are not going to become supervisor of the year at work, nor are you acting like wife of the year. In fact, the ratio is not in your favor in this area and if you didn't have a kid together ("our"), it sounds like he'd easier get another wife because of his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness. It sounds like he did in 2 hours, what took you under 17 hours, plus *he notified you* immediately to not waste your time. He didn't play the "it's your kid too" card to do what is just common courtesy for when YOU took time off of work.

Do tell him due to the fact you are not being established and don't have staff (either household or at work) you are out of practice with these common courtesy and delegation bits. Do tell him you appreciate him and do indeed thank him. Do tell him you realize you were "CLUELESS". Do use your new income to ask for help in the form of a babysitter, errand boy/girl from the local high school you could have paid to call around (~$10), and to treat yourself to a break every now and again.

If you can afford private school before you went to work, another consideration is to send your kid to public school and hire a nanny. The public schools are pretty renowned here.

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but you FINGERPOINTED and PASSED THE BUCK on this one, something you should get out of the habit of doing both as a wife and employee. Above all, take some responsibility for your own CLUELESSNESS. I am sorry you had such a stressful day. I am sorry you had a bad fight. And I am especially sorry, you are so isolated you can't even see how you are being rude to him. Hugs and I hope you have a better week.


What responsibility did you shirk while writing this looong comment? Go clean your toilet, then stick your head in it and flush.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:25     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
If you only recently went back to work, this is a new division of labor. I think you should talk it over when you are less mad.

We have 2 kids at 2 schools. We each are listed first for 1 kid. We each read emails and do forms for 1 school.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:22     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He calls to tell me and then gets pissed b/c I am already on my way to the other appointment.


OP here. I did. I literally hung up the phone after getting the appt, saw his text come in and called him to tell him.
We could have gone to the appt he found but it was an hour away versus 15 min.


It sounds like you are changing your story and deflecting the real issue of "already on my way" because you got called out on it vs pure man-bashing. I previously had a lot of sympathy for you. Your poor kid has to overhear what a burden he is making mommy and daddy fight over who gets stuck with him. With no grandparent, babysitter, or friend pod to help out. If your husband makes more and is the reason DS can do in-person private school at all, it was likely more strategic for you to hire help for the 10 days, for you to take a more flexible/remote job/part-time until you are established, or to do a split where hubby works 8 days, and you work 2 if hubby makes 4 times what you do. If he loses his job/contract, and you can't afford private school and have to do virtual school/homeschool things will be a lot worse for all of you. You also don't talk about why hubby couldn't make these calls after 5pm when he likely had no meetings. 5-9pm is plenty of time for a man who takes < two hours to call a hospital. Why can't you admit you could have handled things with more courtesy and better utilize resources? It sounds like you have grown accustomed to walking all over hubby.


NP. Oh, shut up. The grown ups are talking.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:21     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Apologize to him for not texting the SECOND you got an appointment. It was fine for you to be calling in tandem to different spots. However, you should BY NO MEANS been *on your way* to the *Appointment* with him still calling and losing work time.

Apologize to him for not delegating and calling your credit card concierge service using the phone number on the back to call the pharmacies. They do this free in tandem.

Apologize again to him for not using your health insurance card by calling the customer/member service number on the back. Their entire job is to call in tandem or even while you are at work, etc. Blue Cross even job me an MRI appointment on a Sunday Holiday on the last day/same day-they called 47 places! Their job is to literally get you an appointment.

Apologize for not calling a grandmother, posting on here, or making a facebook post asking if anyone has done this and found a place. Ask yourself why you didn't post asking people for help with an appointment but instead wanted sympathy when there is a preponderance of evidence that you were the "CLUELESS" one. Apologize for bashing him instead of appreciating him taking time off so YOU can work at a job which I hope you will never get promoted to a position over other people.

Apologize for being delusional that you are some master of delegation, have any reading/awareness of your resources, and don't waste people's time. You are not going to become supervisor of the year at work, nor are you acting like wife of the year. In fact, the ratio is not in your favor in this area and if you didn't have a kid together ("our"), it sounds like he'd easier get another wife because of his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness. It sounds like he did in 2 hours, what took you under 17 hours, plus *he notified you* immediately to not waste your time. He didn't play the "it's your kid too" card to do what is just common courtesy for when YOU took time off of work.

Do tell him due to the fact you are not being established and don't have staff (either household or at work) you are out of practice with these common courtesy and delegation bits. Do tell him you appreciate him and do indeed thank him. Do tell him you realize you were "CLUELESS". Do use your new income to ask for help in the form of a babysitter, errand boy/girl from the local high school you could have paid to call around (~$10), and to treat yourself to a break every now and again.

If you can afford private school before you went to work, another consideration is to send your kid to public school and hire a nanny. The public schools are pretty renowned here.

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but you FINGERPOINTED and PASSED THE BUCK on this one, something you should get out of the habit of doing both as a wife and employee. Above all, take some responsibility for your own CLUELESSNESS. I am sorry you had such a stressful day. I am sorry you had a bad fight. And I am especially sorry, you are so isolated you can't even see how you are being rude to him. Hugs and I hope you have a better week.


This ridiculous word dump is utter nonsense and, as I suspect you already know, you should roll your eyes and ignore it, OP.


+1

Probably some loser incel who has never actually called the numbers he is so passionate about.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:18     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
What I don’t understand is why you had so much trouble locating a testing center. Are you not in DC? Here there are Sameday Testing sites with testing appointments every 5 min (in Bethesda, Georgetown, etc.).
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 07:16     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He calls to tell me and then gets pissed b/c I am already on my way to the other appointment.


OP here. I did. I literally hung up the phone after getting the appt, saw his text come in and called him to tell him.
We could have gone to the appt he found but it was an hour away versus 15 min.


It sounds like you are changing your story and deflecting the real issue of "already on my way" because you got called out on it vs pure man-bashing. I previously had a lot of sympathy for you. Your poor kid has to overhear what a burden he is making mommy and daddy fight over who gets stuck with him. With no grandparent, babysitter, or friend pod to help out. If your husband makes more and is the reason DS can do in-person private school at all, it was likely more strategic for you to hire help for the 10 days, for you to take a more flexible/remote job/part-time until you are established, or to do a split where hubby works 8 days, and you work 2 if hubby makes 4 times what you do. If he loses his job/contract, and you can't afford private school and have to do virtual school/homeschool things will be a lot worse for all of you. You also don't talk about why hubby couldn't make these calls after 5pm when he likely had no meetings. 5-9pm is plenty of time for a man who takes < two hours to call a hospital. Why can't you admit you could have handled things with more courtesy and better utilize resources? It sounds like you have grown accustomed to walking all over hubby.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 06:58     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:I actually agree that you should’ve called to say you got an appointment and he can stop calling now. But that’s it. Not the wall of text crap above.


OP here. I did. I literally hung up the phone after getting the appt, saw his text come in and called him to tell him.
We could have gone to the appt he found but it was an hour away versus 15 min.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 06:24     Subject: “I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
I actually agree that you should’ve called to say you got an appointment and he can stop calling now. But that’s it. Not the wall of text crap above.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 06:23     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did he know you were also continuing to search for appointments at the same time? If not, I can understand his annoyance that he took two hours out of his day to find an appointment without being told you were duplicating his efforts and it would be a waste of his time.


My DH also would get mad about the duplication of effort


OP- it wasn't a duplication of effort- we were calling in different areas!


You dodged the question of whether he knew you were calling at the same time. Also, why didn’t you text him once you found an appointment so he knew he could stop looking?

I have no doubt you do a disproportionate share of the work at home, but it sounds like you also skip out on common courtesies, which tends to show a lack of consideration and respect.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 05:43     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Anonymous wrote:Apologize to him for not texting the SECOND you got an appointment. It was fine for you to be calling in tandem to different spots. However, you should BY NO MEANS been *on your way* to the *Appointment* with him still calling and losing work time.

Apologize to him for not delegating and calling your credit card concierge service using the phone number on the back to call the pharmacies. They do this free in tandem.

Apologize again to him for not using your health insurance card by calling the customer/member service number on the back. Their entire job is to call in tandem or even while you are at work, etc. Blue Cross even job me an MRI appointment on a Sunday Holiday on the last day/same day-they called 47 places! Their job is to literally get you an appointment.

Apologize for not calling a grandmother, posting on here, or making a facebook post asking if anyone has done this and found a place. Ask yourself why you didn't post asking people for help with an appointment but instead wanted sympathy when there is a preponderance of evidence that you were the "CLUELESS" one. Apologize for bashing him instead of appreciating him taking time off so YOU can work at a job which I hope you will never get promoted to a position over other people.

Apologize for being delusional that you are some master of delegation, have any reading/awareness of your resources, and don't waste people's time. You are not going to become supervisor of the year at work, nor are you acting like wife of the year. In fact, the ratio is not in your favor in this area and if you didn't have a kid together ("our"), it sounds like he'd easier get another wife because of his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness. It sounds like he did in 2 hours, what took you under 17 hours, plus *he notified you* immediately to not waste your time. He didn't play the "it's your kid too" card to do what is just common courtesy for when YOU took time off of work.

Do tell him due to the fact you are not being established and don't have staff (either household or at work) you are out of practice with these common courtesy and delegation bits. Do tell him you appreciate him and do indeed thank him. Do tell him you realize you were "CLUELESS". Do use your new income to ask for help in the form of a babysitter, errand boy/girl from the local high school you could have paid to call around (~$10), and to treat yourself to a break every now and again.

If you can afford private school before you went to work, another consideration is to send your kid to public school and hire a nanny. The public schools are pretty renowned here.

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but you FINGERPOINTED and PASSED THE BUCK on this one, something you should get out of the habit of doing both as a wife and employee. Above all, take some responsibility for your own CLUELESSNESS. I am sorry you had such a stressful day. I am sorry you had a bad fight. And I am especially sorry, you are so isolated you can't even see how you are being rude to him. Hugs and I hope you have a better week.


This ridiculous word dump is utter nonsense and, as I suspect you already know, you should roll your eyes and ignore it, OP.
Anonymous
Post 09/16/2021 05:34     Subject: Re:“I took time out of my busy day to help YOU out”
Apologize to him for not texting the SECOND you got an appointment. It was fine for you to be calling in tandem to different spots. However, you should BY NO MEANS been *on your way* to the *Appointment* with him still calling and losing work time.

Apologize to him for not delegating and calling your credit card concierge service using the phone number on the back to call the pharmacies. They do this free in tandem.

Apologize again to him for not using your health insurance card by calling the customer/member service number on the back. Their entire job is to call in tandem or even while you are at work, etc. Blue Cross even job me an MRI appointment on a Sunday Holiday on the last day/same day-they called 47 places! Their job is to literally get you an appointment.

Apologize for not calling a grandmother, posting on here, or making a facebook post asking if anyone has done this and found a place. Ask yourself why you didn't post asking people for help with an appointment but instead wanted sympathy when there is a preponderance of evidence that you were the "CLUELESS" one. Apologize for bashing him instead of appreciating him taking time off so YOU can work at a job which I hope you will never get promoted to a position over other people.

Apologize for being delusional that you are some master of delegation, have any reading/awareness of your resources, and don't waste people's time. You are not going to become supervisor of the year at work, nor are you acting like wife of the year. In fact, the ratio is not in your favor in this area and if you didn't have a kid together ("our"), it sounds like he'd easier get another wife because of his thoughtfulness and resourcefulness. It sounds like he did in 2 hours, what took you under 17 hours, plus *he notified you* immediately to not waste your time. He didn't play the "it's your kid too" card to do what is just common courtesy for when YOU took time off of work.

Do tell him due to the fact you are not being established and don't have staff (either household or at work) you are out of practice with these common courtesy and delegation bits. Do tell him you appreciate him and do indeed thank him. Do tell him you realize you were "CLUELESS". Do use your new income to ask for help in the form of a babysitter, errand boy/girl from the local high school you could have paid to call around (~$10), and to treat yourself to a break every now and again.

If you can afford private school before you went to work, another consideration is to send your kid to public school and hire a nanny. The public schools are pretty renowned here.

I am sorry if I sounded harsh, but you FINGERPOINTED and PASSED THE BUCK on this one, something you should get out of the habit of doing both as a wife and employee. Above all, take some responsibility for your own CLUELESSNESS. I am sorry you had such a stressful day. I am sorry you had a bad fight. And I am especially sorry, you are so isolated you can't even see how you are being rude to him. Hugs and I hope you have a better week.