Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect example of how women blow things up:

1. Your husband has shown you all the messages between his ex and him. NONE OF THEM point to a possible relationship or sexual nature.

2. He has four kids with you and has not shown ONE sign if leaving you or cheating on you. Talking to an ex IS NOT CHEATING SO STOP WITH THE BS.

3. Not all wives are their husband's first choice. Mine isn't. I love a girlfriend I had in college more than I do my wife. Why? We were more compatible. But, that doesn't mean I don't love my wife. The person you marry is not going to bet the #1 love of your entire life. That's fairy tale BS.

4. Stop making your husband feel guilty for caring about someone she CLEARLY cared about a lot years ago. There is nothing wrong with caring about an ex. You realize they had a life together right?

You need to take a chill pill. I think you are making the entire scenario worse. Unless your husband is seeing her behind your back or sending her gifts, etc you need to just stop with the jealousy.

Oh good grief.

1. He only showed the messages when she insisted. He hid what he was doing. That’s shady and the husband saying there is nothing wrong with is gaslighting.

2. You’re making it sound like anything that might lead up to cheating is fine, like cheating is the only thing people are allowed to be upset about it. Wrong.

3. Just because you love another woman more than you love your spouse doesn’t mean that anybody has to put up with that. I love my husband more than anybody else and if I loved somebody more than I loved him, he would not put up with that. Just loving somebody is not enough for a strong marriage, and a strong marriage is what we want. I think it’s fair to expect to be #1 in your spouses eyes. The idea that you think that’s a fairy tale is frankly disturbing and shows that nobody should be taking relationship advice from you.

4. Caring about somebody is not the same as loving somebody more than your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy how so many people here are advocating for doing nothing. Don’t you guys share your thoughts and feelings with your spouses? Don’t you lean on each other for support? Don’t you work through issues together? Why not? Will having mature, adult conversations with your spouse be bad for your relationship ship?

I guess that kind of marriage works for some people but I’m so glad I don’t have one of those.

No one shares every single thought and feeling with their spouse. There isn't enough time in the day to share every thought you have.
You select which thoughts are important enough to share. These aren't the ones to go with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect example of how women blow things up:

1. Your husband has shown you all the messages between his ex and him. NONE OF THEM point to a possible relationship or sexual nature.

2. He has four kids with you and has not shown ONE sign if leaving you or cheating on you. Talking to an ex IS NOT CHEATING SO STOP WITH THE BS.

3. Not all wives are their husband's first choice. Mine isn't. I love a girlfriend I had in college more than I do my wife. Why? We were more compatible. But, that doesn't mean I don't love my wife. The person you marry is not going to bet the #1 love of your entire life. That's fairy tale BS.

4. Stop making your husband feel guilty for caring about someone she CLEARLY cared about a lot years ago. There is nothing wrong with caring about an ex. You realize they had a life together right?

You need to take a chill pill. I think you are making the entire scenario worse. Unless your husband is seeing her behind your back or sending her gifts, etc you need to just stop with the jealousy.

Oh good grief.

1. He only showed the messages when she insisted. He hid what he was doing. That’s shady and the husband saying there is nothing wrong with is gaslighting.

2. You’re making it sound like anything that might lead up to cheating is fine, like cheating is the only thing people are allowed to be upset about it. Wrong.

3. Just because you love another woman more than you love your spouse doesn’t mean that anybody has to put up with that. I love my husband more than anybody else and if I loved somebody more than I loved him, he would not put up with that. Just loving somebody is not enough for a strong marriage, and a strong marriage is what we want. I think it’s fair to expect to be #1 in your spouses eyes. The idea that you think that’s a fairy tale is frankly disturbing and shows that nobody should be taking relationship advice from you.

4. Caring about somebody is not the same as loving somebody more than your spouse.

So what's your suggestion? Divorce him and be a single mom with four kids? For what? Because her dh wished an old girlfriend well in her upcoming marriage? You think she'll find another spouse without any past relationships who'll put her and another man's children on a pedestal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely CANNOT fathom the posters that say there is someone else out there they love more than their spouse. WTF?? Seriously, WTF?!?! That sounds an awful lot like 'settling'. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perfect example of how women blow things up:

1. Your husband has shown you all the messages between his ex and him. NONE OF THEM point to a possible relationship or sexual nature.

2. He has four kids with you and has not shown ONE sign if leaving you or cheating on you. Talking to an ex IS NOT CHEATING SO STOP WITH THE BS.

3. Not all wives are their husband's first choice. Mine isn't. I love a girlfriend I had in college more than I do my wife. Why? We were more compatible. But, that doesn't mean I don't love my wife. The person you marry is not going to bet the #1 love of your entire life. That's fairy tale BS.

4. Stop making your husband feel guilty for caring about someone she CLEARLY cared about a lot years ago. There is nothing wrong with caring about an ex. You realize they had a life together right?

You need to take a chill pill. I think you are making the entire scenario worse. Unless your husband is seeing her behind your back or sending her gifts, etc you need to just stop with the jealousy.

Oh good grief.

1. He only showed the messages when she insisted. He hid what he was doing. That’s shady and the husband saying there is nothing wrong with is gaslighting.

2. You’re making it sound like anything that might lead up to cheating is fine, like cheating is the only thing people are allowed to be upset about it. Wrong.

3. Just because you love another woman more than you love your spouse doesn’t mean that anybody has to put up with that. I love my husband more than anybody else and if I loved somebody more than I loved him, he would not put up with that. Just loving somebody is not enough for a strong marriage, and a strong marriage is what we want. I think it’s fair to expect to be #1 in your spouses eyes. The idea that you think that’s a fairy tale is frankly disturbing and shows that nobody should be taking relationship advice from you.

4. Caring about somebody is not the same as loving somebody more than your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely CANNOT fathom the posters that say there is someone else out there they love more than their spouse. WTF?? Seriously, WTF?!?! That sounds an awful lot like 'settling'. No wonder the divorce rate is so high.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s crazy how so many people here are advocating for doing nothing. Don’t you guys share your thoughts and feelings with your spouses? Don’t you lean on each other for support? Don’t you work through issues together? Why not? Will having mature, adult conversations with your spouse be bad for your relationship ship?

I guess that kind of marriage works for some people but I’m so glad I don’t have one of those.

Anonymous wrote:Perfect example of how women blow things up:

1. Your husband has shown you all the messages between his ex and him. NONE OF THEM point to a possible relationship or sexual nature.

2. He has four kids with you and has not shown ONE sign if leaving you or cheating on you. Talking to an ex IS NOT CHEATING SO STOP WITH THE BS.

3. Not all wives are their husband's first choice. Mine isn't. I love a girlfriend I had in college more than I do my wife. Why? We were more compatible. But, that doesn't mean I don't love my wife. The person you marry is not going to bet the #1 love of your entire life. That's fairy tale BS.

4. Stop making your husband feel guilty for caring about someone she CLEARLY cared about a lot years ago. There is nothing wrong with caring about an ex. You realize they had a life together right?

You need to take a chill pill. I think you are making the entire scenario worse. Unless your husband is seeing her behind your back or sending her gifts, etc you need to just stop with the jealousy.

Anonymous wrote:OP- I fear you are making this bigger than it needs to be. Not saying that there isn’t work to do, but I’m wondering if pregnancy hormones are blowing up your perception. Let’s review the facts:

He loves you. He loved his life with you and your family.
He has shown you the communications.
There is nothing sexual in the messages.
She is married.
He did NOT admit to loving her. That was YOUR interpretation.
He got together with her when you two were NOT together.
It is reasonable to care for someone that you were once in love with.

Take a deep breath. He is with you. You’re having another kid together. This woman has started her life with someone else. She’s not coming for your husband and he’s not leaving you.
That’s it.

Anonymous wrote:He's married to you. She just got married. Exes are allowed to talk. You do need to have a series of conversations with him and quality therapy is useful, but know these two will always have a special place for each other in their hearts. All of us married folk have the one (or two) who got away, and sure, we might think, what if. But he's building a life with *you* and he ultimately didn't choose her, so try not to feel so insecure. Many of my male fiends have told me my husband is lucky to have me. My girlfriends have also told me I'm lucky to have my husband. It's a compliment you shouldn't read into too much. Finally, he showed you the messages, please consider how hard all this is on him too.