Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 06:43     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am married, not divorced, but feel kind of like you. Basically, my DH does not acknowledge I'm a human being with feelings. There is no compassion for me in the marriage, I cannot get what i need, it's not a true partnership in any sense, and I walk on eggshells just to avoid DH's rage and abuse (and most of the time am still not successful). If I could just get away and leave easily I would in a heartbeat. The problem is, we have three special needs kids for whom I stopped working to take care of... leaving would make things very complicated. At least you are able to escape. Consider yourself lucky. Just leaving and starting over without disastrous ramifications sounds amazing.


I am so sorry to hear that.


This is very similar to my marriage without the special needs kids. We only have one and I left.
Anonymous
Post 09/14/2021 01:51     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Anonymous wrote:I am married, not divorced, but feel kind of like you. Basically, my DH does not acknowledge I'm a human being with feelings. There is no compassion for me in the marriage, I cannot get what i need, it's not a true partnership in any sense, and I walk on eggshells just to avoid DH's rage and abuse (and most of the time am still not successful). If I could just get away and leave easily I would in a heartbeat. The problem is, we have three special needs kids for whom I stopped working to take care of... leaving would make things very complicated. At least you are able to escape. Consider yourself lucky. Just leaving and starting over without disastrous ramifications sounds amazing.


I am so sorry to hear that.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 19:55     Subject: Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Anonymous wrote:Yup. We got married because we accidentally got pregnant. I was young with a low paying job and no health insurance, so I felt I had to play it cool and basically ask for nothing in order for him to marry me so I'd have some security and insurance.

But like PP, no engagement ring, no wedding, no wedding ring, no shared financial plan, no teamwork, no social life, no travel, no holidays.....we were basically two people living completely separate lives under the same roof and failing at raising a child together. Of course, he expected all the perks of marriage for him, such as sex and having a live-in housemaid. All the while making me feel like I was such a worthless POS, I should just be grateful for whatever scraps he threw my way.


So what happened to you after? I am the PP of that post and had a similar experience except conception wasn’t an accident and he wanted to marry me (we married before getting pregnant).
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 19:45     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
^PP not OP
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 19:44     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel that way sometimes. We do have a kid. But one of the reasons we divorced was bc he would not do anything to make it feel like a marriage—no engagement ring, no wedding ring, no wedding, no house, no shared financial plan, little to no teamwork, no shared social life, no traveling and no holidays.


Gentlemen: notice how half the things she describes are material items, that are all to be paid for by the husband?


OP here, and screw you. Wedding would have been paid by my parents, house would have been shared because guess what I work FT and make $250K annually now, finances are SHARED, as are traveling and holidays, and both those would have been arranged by me. All he had to do was show up. PS he only supported his own child for four out of ten years we were together, despite earning more than me. Do you think a man should not support his family, especially one who is a good earner?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 18:40     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Haven't read all the answers but yes. I married at 26 and divorced at 31. We have a kid together, but I have full custody and only communicate with the dad when I need paperwork for a passport. I can't imagine living with a partner at this stage of life. I'm 44 now, loving being single or single and dating at a distance.
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 15:57     Subject: Re:Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Oh yes, married at 22, she had an affair at 23, divorced at 24. That was 28 years ago and the marriage was just a blur but I still have some good memories. Sadly, her life has been bad since then and mine has been very good.


Bad how?


Married and divorced twice.


Are you remarried?
Anonymous
Post 09/13/2021 13:08     Subject: Has anyone divorced and never really felt married at all?
I relate to what you're saying but am not sure the subject line quite describes it. Was married 10 years to someone whom I'm never should have married, who was never a true partner, and who didn't/couldn't share his true self/thoughts/feelings.

But I certainly felt like I was married, and most certainly have been very effected by the experience (currently in therapy again to try to move past it, because with kids it's hard to completely avoid his emotional dumping/angry outbursts/irrational conclusions/gaslighting, etc.).

But I don't feel like I had a real relationship, where we worked together and someone had my back. That's what I'm still missing.