People can have whatever dealbreakers they want.

My parents have been married for 45 years and my sister and I both initiated our divorces.

I fell bad as a divorced person who is a child of divorce but,
Yeah I think he has a point.

Anonymous wrote:My ex husband told me once while we were dating that he had concerns about dating me because I was “a child of divorce.” He was very proud that his parents had been married for x number of years (I can’t remember how many). He had multiple affairs while we were married and left me after 2 years. So…

Oh, hello. Similar story here. My exH never said anything about dating children of divorce, but both his parents and my parents are still married. He turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath who was abusive in many ways who lived a double life and was a prolific cheater. Left me when I was pregnant with our DC (was having an affair then too, unbeknownst to me), then came back and pretended to work on our marriage/go to counseling, etc, all while still cheating. Long story short, I filed for divorce when I found out (and then discovered even more during the divorce). I realized over the years that his parents have a horrible marriage (and tons of toxic dysfunction in his family). But there's no shortage of bragging about how long his parents have been married. And then there was the 50th anniversary party that was plastered on social media... All a big, fat lie.

I am so glad I filed for divorce when my DC was just over 1 yo and got DC the hell out of that mess, so DC won't grow up with that as an example. I am stopping the cycle.

Anonymous wrote:I won't date anyone whose parents are married. They have unrealistic expectations of how easy marriage is, and won't put the work in to maintain a relationship.

You are onto something.

Two of the three best fathers I know grew up with divorced parents. My DH is the third and the exception. His parents are still together, but they are excellent at avoiding conflict: I couldn't last in that kind of marriage. My DH has learned from them and is trying to unlearn this dysfunction. If I ever leave him, it would be because of this conflict avoidance issue.

The other 2 men work their asses off to be excellent fathers and husbands. And they have written their own guide on what fathers and husbands should be. One of them literally has a daily affirmation for his family. These are 2 wonderful men who are equal partners if every aspect of their relationships with their wives and children( and they take time to look nice too). They don't take their wives/ families for granted.

I won't date anyone whose parents are married. They have unrealistic expectations of how easy marriage is, and won't put the work in to maintain a relationship.

Also 50% of kids are from divorced families. So either these people will remain single, and we will have to import more people into our country or people will have to learn to get over the trauma of divorce in their families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Soon there won't be anyone to marry as they are all not financially independent, coming from intact families, or just having much experience in a family environment or this country. Make whatever criteria you want. Just don't be sad when you don't have kids because you waited too long or don't have a partner who shares your interests because of a resume.

Right.... we should lower our standards to fit society's conventional ways. No thanks.

By all means find who you want. I think the Church's abuse has shown that abuse hides in places that seem secure. Divorce is a flag. It's not the only one.

When I look around me most of my friends families are dysfunctional. There are so few normal families.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"if a woman’s parents divorced, her odds of divorce increased 69%, while if both a husband and wife’s parents divorced, the risk of divorce increased by 189%."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/201902/if-my-parents-are-divorced-is-my-marriage-doomed-fail?amp

Yep.

And it's because these people are less likely to live miserable and sometimes unsafe lives for the sake of marriage.

A friend of mine was with an abusive spouse and hid it from her family because she did not want to be the first one to divorce in her family. The man threatened to kill her and their children, and she told no one until after he got so bad that he had to be institutionalized.

Someone who has witnessed divorce knows that it's not the end of the world and will not put up with a man like that.

Anonymous wrote:"if a woman’s parents divorced, her odds of divorce increased 69%, while if both a husband and wife’s parents divorced, the risk of divorce increased by 189%."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/between-the-generations/201902/if-my-parents-are-divorced-is-my-marriage-doomed-fail?amp

Anyone who says this is looking for a partner who will be loyal to them regardless of how they treat their partner.

If you know that you have something concrete to offer in a marriage, you should not be afraid of someone who has been exposed to divorce.

If you plan on being a good for nothing a$$ with the expectation that your spouse will stick to you, by all means, do not marry a child of divorce. They are less likely to put up with crap for the sake of keeping the " image".

My ex husband told me once while we were dating that he had concerns about dating me because I was “a child of divorce.” He was very proud that his parents had been married for x number of years (I can’t remember how many). He had multiple affairs while we were married and left me after 2 years. So…

I would bet good money that It’s one or two posters parroting the same words back on this thread over and over. For as open minded and forward thinking as this forum is, there’s a highly disproportionate amount of “I wouldn’t want my child to marry a child of divorce” nonsense going on here.

He’s judgemental and approaching this too black and white, but I get it in spirit - maybe what he really means is that he doesn’t want to marry someone from an unhappy family or fractured family (and this thread goes to show, the family could be miserable and dysfunctional and with a longtime marriage).

I have a super dysfunctional family (and divorced parents) and I wouldn’t blame someone who wouldn’t want to marry in - I’m OK and stable but the extended family is a huge pain in the butt.