Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I really want to know what is going on with some of you and your toilets. I don’t do the toilets, that is DH’s chore, but from what I recall it is probably one of the easiest cleaning tasks. Actually modern cleaning is pretty easy, it is organizing and decluttering that is hard.

+1. I don’t mind cleaning at all either. I get PP’s point but she sounds gross and filthy.

Why, because I used the word “shit”? I don’t know where your family defecates, but mine does it in the toilet. If you’ve never seen a mark on the inside of the bowl, you’re lucky... or more likely lying 🤥. But yes, cleaning the toilet is easy, which is why I have taught my kids to just clean it when it needs cleaning instead of expecting someone else to do it for you.

What a weird, mean response. This thread has brought out the worst in a board that was already full of nasty people.

What was mean about that response?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I really want to know what is going on with some of you and your toilets. I don’t do the toilets, that is DH’s chore, but from what I recall it is probably one of the easiest cleaning tasks. Actually modern cleaning is pretty easy, it is organizing and decluttering that is hard.

+1. I don’t mind cleaning at all either. I get PP’s point but she sounds gross and filthy.

Why, because I used the word “shit”? I don’t know where your family defecates, but mine does it in the toilet. If you’ve never seen a mark on the inside of the bowl, you’re lucky... or more likely lying 🤥. But yes, cleaning the toilet is easy, which is why I have taught my kids to just clean it when it needs cleaning instead of expecting someone else to do it for you.

What a weird, mean response. This thread has brought out the worst in a board that was already full of nasty people.

Anonymous wrote:Outside of private school tuition, vacations, donations, and routine savings (401K, HSA, 529s, brokerage, etc), we spend 18K a month. Although we can "afford" it, I sometimes feel like we are just bleeding money, and I'm not quite sure what our worst offender is. So here's the breakdown of our monthly "budget" (which really is a snapshot of how we spend money more than dollar limits). What strikes you as the most absurd category? Or is it just that everything is a bit bloated? We are a family of five, two adults and three kids.

Auto and Transport - 1,000
(includes 750 for a super low interest car loan and 250 for gas, ubers, misc. repairs, car washes)

Children - 2,000
(includes 500 a month for regular babysitter, 500 a month on clothing for 3 young kids, and about 1000 a month on activities, music lessons, etc) This is an INSANE amount of money to me.

Entertainment - 500
(includes TV services, digital subscriptions, amazon prime, tickets to events, etc)

Food and Dining - 3000
(about 1K a month eating out, 2K on groceries for family of 5) This is an insane amount of money to me.

Gifts - 500
(for extended family at Christmas, plus weddings, birthdays, etc) Who the eff are you buying stuff for every month for $500 damn dollars?

Health and Fitness - 100
(Peloton, yoga classes, etc - used to be more before covid)

Home and Property - 7400
(electricity and gas is 300, yard care is around 250, twice weekly housekeeper is 1250, mortgage and tax is 5500)

Insurance - 150
(life and auto)

Personal care - 500
(hair, nails, dry cleaning, etc) Insane amount

Shopping - 2500 Completely off the rails insane.
(clothes for both adults, not children, plus home goods, like vacuums or decor items, plus small random things like paper towels or advil)

Utilities - 400
(phone and internet)

I know this budget is far from "normal" (except maybe on dcum) but I'm really curious if any one category seems unusually high. Thoughts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend is married to someone from this culture and they cannot do anything -. I mean simple HH tasks. It's pathetic and causing them problems because the kids are watching this. They grow up thinking that some supposedly functioning adults are not even able to change a lightbulb.

My husband grew up this way abroad. They had a handyman who would put up their Christmas tree. To this day he protests putting up the Christmas tree.

For anyone interested, with your American credentials you can live OP’s exact lifestyle in almost any second or third world country or even possibly Dubai or somewhere like that. Gated fancy house, nanny, household help for anything. It’s totally doable if you truly think middle class life in America is a miserable “grind.”

Otherwise just get your husband to pull his weight already.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I really want to know what is going on with some of you and your toilets. I don’t do the toilets, that is DH’s chore, but from what I recall it is probably one of the easiest cleaning tasks. Actually modern cleaning is pretty easy, it is organizing and decluttering that is hard.

+1. I don’t mind cleaning at all either. I get PP’s point but she sounds gross and filthy.

Why, because I used the word “shit”? I don’t know where your family defecates, but mine does it in the toilet. If you’ve never seen a mark on the inside of the bowl, you’re lucky... or more likely lying 🤥. But yes, cleaning the toilet is easy, which is why I have taught my kids to just clean it when it needs cleaning instead of expecting someone else to do it for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I think it is un-american to think that toilet scrubbing is beneath ones class. It is fine to hire someone to do but not because you think it is beneath your station. That line of thinking is " do you think you are the queen of england? " territory.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I really want to know what is going on with some of you and your toilets. I don’t do the toilets, that is DH’s chore, but from what I recall it is probably one of the easiest cleaning tasks. Actually modern cleaning is pretty easy, it is organizing and decluttering that is hard.

+1. I don’t mind cleaning at all either. I get PP’s point but she sounds gross and filthy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your budget seems eerily similar to ours. It doesn’t seem like we live extravagantly, but I guess that is relative.

OP here. Tell me more! Was it budget creep as your income went up?

Anyway, it's not that we *need* to cut back, as we are continuing to save a lot of money. But I do sometimes have a moment of thinking, holy hell, 18K a month, how did I get here?!?

The person who said we don't really say "no" is spot on. We don't really say "no" because of money. We DO say "no" to our kids all the time for other reasons, and I certainly don't buy things when I think I wouldn't use it, but if I want something, I buy it.

I guess I can't decide if this is how I want to live, or if it's worth cutting back, mostly so I remember how to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

I really want to know what is going on with some of you and your toilets. I don’t do the toilets, that is DH’s chore, but from what I recall it is probably one of the easiest cleaning tasks. Actually modern cleaning is pretty easy, it is organizing and decluttering that is hard.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Maybe these are my Puritanical American roots showing, but I think scrubbing toilets IS a question of morality. Barring some disability that would prevent them from doing so themselves, I want to teach my kids that it is their responsibility to clean up their own shit. Literally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.

With all due respect....lots of us can afford to hire help around the house and will make sure that the children have an outstanding academic education. But holy helplessness, ....they will also know how to pump gas, change lightbulbs, fix a flat, light a fire, clean a toilet, wash a dish, boil an egg, etc, etc. Yes they can hire help but why do you want needy helpless ignorant kids? Give them some life skills.

It's not a question of morality. I don't want them to be dependent on help because they have to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the housekeeper PP: I have relatives in a different country where the culture is for the wealthy to never have to lift a finger. I totally get wanting to reduce your chore time and to keep time for things you want to do. A housekeeper can be a big part of that. But just be conscious of what you are modeling for your kids. I look at my cousins children and I don’t want my kids to turn out like them. Pick a couple of things you want the family to be responsible for and give your kids a part in making the family work.

Our monthly expenses are lower than yours. So you might dismiss me as hopelessly middle class. But just offering you a different perspective.

We grew up in Mexico with a cook, housekeeper nanny, and gardener. We have a housekeeper here as well along with house cleaners. This is actually very normal all over Latin America. I'll leave to the morally superior toilet cleaning and grout scrubbing to you Americans. My children won't need to clean a toilet if they don't want to when they have their own families. Our parents afforded us the best education money could buy. The same is being given to our kids. No need to do menial tasks.

With all due respect I just don't think you can grasp how peiple.avove your social class live.