I was once driving on a work trip (a few hours in the car) and she said “can I ask you a question?” When I said “sure” she said “why don’t you wear a bigger rock?”

I told her there were a bunch of reasons including that my husband was a graduate student when we got engaged, I don’t really like wearing large jewelry, and that I had different priorities.

My DH was actually confused when he bought me a ring 15 years ago and proposed with a wedding band with inlaid diamonds. So when we got married we picked out the 2nd ring - a more traditional engagement ring - together. I tried on many in the $1000-$2k range and ultimately fell in love with one in the estate sale section of the store that was $750. What’s more, it fit perfectly and looked like it went with my first ring. People can’t believe they’re from completely different stores. I am too sentimental to upgrade and it wouldn’t be my style. I do judge my coworker for being gauche and asking me about it. (On the same trip she had designer shoes, handbag and suit and made fun of my Ann Taylor suit.) I’d rather put money toward housing, kids’ college, retirement, and travel / shows / experiences.

I would never judge this. FWIW I have a small diamond because we were poor and young and in love when we were married.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 3 carat. Had to stop wearing it at work, to many nasty comments from others.

My friend recently dropped 10k on a round 5 carat stone solitaire ring and honestly I think it looks too big. Love her and happy she likes it but to me it looks like a ring pop. I see lots of people with what look to be 2ct rings. Were people at work judging you for it being too big? This doesn’t seem crazy big to me unless you have tiny fingers.

Anonymous wrote:On the engagement ring subreddit I do
see stones that look too big and imo they look silly and like costume jewelry. I get that with labs it’s exciting that we can all rock big stones but proportions still matter when it comes to the overall look.

I usually don’t notice rings unless they are especially ugly or particularly striking in some way.

For me I just would not a giant stone on a ring I wear daily. I have a small engagement ring and very simple wedding band and I wear them all the time -- the the gym, doing yard work, work, travel, etc. I don't really think of them as accessories or part of my outfit. They are sentimental. A reminder of my marriage and family that I like having with me all the time.

I have a couple rings I wear to parties or out for a fancy meal that have bigger stones and are much more eye-catching. To me, those are accessories I wear to compliment an outfit, same as I might pick out a necklace or a pair of shoes. I would never wear them daily, it would be annoying and way to attention-seeking.

I think for a lot of women, their engagement ring is the first, and sometimes only, "major" piece of jewelry they own, and that's why they tend to go bigger.

On the engagement ring subreddit I do
see stones that look too big and imo they look silly and like costume jewelry. I get that with labs it’s exciting that we can all rock big stones but proportions still matter when it comes to the overall look.

I usually don’t notice rings unless they are especially ugly or particularly striking in some way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do.

Sometimes when I see a woman with a tiny diamond I wonder how cheap her husband must be to not bother to get her something nicer.

The larger the diamond the more I think her husband wanted to impress her/ show his love. Also that he’s rich.

If size or cost of a ring or a wedding was a good measure of a couple's love or predictor of quality or length of the marriage, lives would be so easy.

Same goes for financial status. Just because a couple is frugal or carefree, doesn't mean they don't have higher income, investments or inheritance than schlubs with heavy loans flaunting their extravagant diamond.

I'm always amazed at American's idea of inheritance. Do you mean some cash? Because, for us, it means valuable real estate (no mortgage), good art and jewelry, not just some cash from a generation or two - liar here.

Fixed that for you.

Ohh, the nouveau riche feels insecure. I bet one of those with a grandma from West Virginia, with an outhouse.

Actually, I am an immigrant, like one that you claim to be.

I always find it amusing that people claim that Europe is somehow more dignified than the U.S. No, there are a lot of selfish, new money there, too. Anytime I see one of these posts, I think it must be someone whose great, great grandmother came from Europe not someone who has lived there recently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge people who judge, I guess. I once had a 13 year old 9th grader mock the size of my ring, telling me my husband must not love me. So there’s that. I suppose I think those who judge rings are juvenile.

For those of you with big showy diamonds: Many people don’t notice or care. If you’re trying to make some impression, just know that plenty of people never look.

A child noticed.
Many people notice.

I’d love to tell that child that the conversation will go into his college recommendation letter and see the priceless reaction.

Wow, an old person threatening to destroy a child's future because her broke a** husband couldn't do better. Bravo! We are so scared and impressed now. Btw, nobody cares about the recommendation letter, it's all about the class rank, activities, and donations.

I have a 3 carat. Had to stop wearing it at work, to many nasty comments from others.

I wear a large ring. I really didn’t care about an engagement ring one way or the other (and so did not “steer” him), but my husband took it upon himself to (secretly) design my ring. It’s not what I would have chosen, but it’s so sweet that he saved and fretted over it. I would never consider modifying it or not wearing it because it really is a token of his love . . . Judging people over superficial things seldom yields an accurate conclusion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I judge people who judge, I guess. I once had a 13 year old 9th grader mock the size of my ring, telling me my husband must not love me. So there’s that. I suppose I think those who judge rings are juvenile.

For those of you with big showy diamonds: Many people don’t notice or care. If you’re trying to make some impression, just know that plenty of people never look.

A child noticed.
Many people notice.

I’d love to tell that child that the conversation will go into his college recommendation letter and see the priceless reaction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do.

Sometimes when I see a woman with a tiny diamond I wonder how cheap her husband must be to not bother to get her something nicer.

The larger the diamond the more I think her husband wanted to impress her/ show his love. Also that he’s rich.

If size or cost of a ring or a wedding was a good measure of a couple's love or predictor of quality or length of the marriage, lives would be so easy.

Same goes for financial status. Just because a couple is frugal or carefree, doesn't mean they don't have higher income, investments or inheritance than schlubs with heavy loans flaunting their extravagant diamond.

I'm always amazed at American's idea of inheritance. Do you mean some cash? Because, for us, it means valuable real estate (no mortgage), good art and jewelry, not just some cash from a generation or two - liar here.

Fixed that for you.

Ohh, the nouveau riche feels insecure. I bet one of those with a grandma from West Virginia, with an outhouse.

You are gross.

My husband and I met when we were young and just starting out. My diamond isn't tiny but is small relative to the ones most of my friends wear. He's asked to upgrade it, but I prefer the one I have because it reminds me of how we started, how far we have come, and how everything started with love, hope, and a vision.

In terms of status, I actually like everything about this ring. It is discreet enough that I don't stand out when I have to travel to places where a larger one may invite trouble. Also, I like that this ring signals the longevity of my marriage, since it is smaller than most of the women's in my social set/neighborhood. I also like that when people first meet me, I don't have a clear wealth signifier that might put them ill at ease. And, I like that occasionally I meet someone and they do peg me as less affluent, I get to see how socially graceful they are or aren't.

Unless the ring is 20 carats I assume the husband is a cheapskate and doesn’t love his wife.

Sometimes I reflect wonderingly on why people would spend huge amounts on an engagement ring but that is about it. (No ring, didn’t want one, very happy marriage 15 years in. And plenty comfortable income; it isn’t about not being able to afford one.)

I notice everything about everyone. I’m just that kind of person. It all adds up to explain who they are as a person—it’s all information.

But jewelry is not really that revealing; it’s super personal, people have quirky reasons for what they wear, inherit sentimental pieces, do different activities which affect what jewelry they wear, have allergies. Taste varies wildly between people, more than clothes do. My mom had lots of money but was allergic to most everything so she never wore jewelry. She wore her platinum tiny diamond and thin band that my dad bought at 23! It meant something special to her, it was always meaningful to her.

I think the same about cars. Some people think it’s a waste of money to buy expensive cars, some don’t. It’s a matter of what’s important to you and what you need.