I would have turned let my daughter shower and get settled, then wake the girls up to explain how hurtful they were...then call the parents and explain that they need to come get their kids and the reason. Let the parents hande the rest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Why not just ask the girls in the am? I bet they were joking around. Don't you remember sleepovers at that age? Putting hands of sleepers in warm water? Trying to do pinkie lifts?

I bet it was just a joke that was executed poorly. Calm down and speak to the girls.

+1

I agree. This happen to me when i was in high school some girls put toothpaste on my face, because i was the first person to go to sleep. when i told my mother she laughed. granted, i was upset but i got over it. not a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Would it be too much to report the incident to your daughter's school? Bullying has to be documented. I'm sure those so called friends will tell everyone about what they did because they think it is funny. Make sure they didn't take and post or send pictures of their handiwork. Have their parents go through their phones and delete the pictures if there are any, unless they already sent it out. Then it shouldn't be deleted because it is evidence.

What on EARTH does the school have to do with things that happen at home unless they take the incident INTO school?

I am not sure why people are bashing the poster who said she taught her kids how to handle their emotions and figure things out for themselves. I do not think it is cold at all and I think that is what is missing from raising kids anymore. Tons of smother mothers, helicopters, everyone gets an award or trophy, no one EVER loses, live at home until 30yrs old, Ugh!! Kids need to learn to handle themselves and stop running to Mommy for everything in their lives. THIS was one of those times. It should have been handled differently but instead the mom freaked out right next to her daughter condoning this type of reaction is normal because she did it too. Chest pains, 3am emails, anxiety, lectures in the morning - ALL condoning what the daughter did (running to Mommy) was completely normal and should continue to run to her in the future and Mommy will handle it.

Protecting your kids does NOT mean doing everything for them. It is teaching them to protect themselves. You can not always be there. If this girl was at another house, she wouldn't have had her mom to run to. What would she have done? If she was taught to take a deep breath and think for a second and NOT have chest pains and cry her eyes out the second something happens, she could have handled it much much better.

Just clean off your face and get the girls back since they were asleep. Fun fun for everyone

Clean your face off, go back to bed, laugh it off in AM.

Clean your face off and tell them that was not cool in the AM. Stand her ground. Not flip out but say she wasn't impressed.

After all this and the hearing the girls reactions, SHE has to decide to if she wants to continue the friendship.

I'm embarrassed for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- You mentioned you were Asian and I was born and raised in America and am white.

I just want you to know that if my DD did what those kids had done, I would have been horrified.

In the US, unfortunately I think you really have to watch out as there is a "culture" exercised my many people on this forum- that this type of behavior is okay. IMHO these people are entitled. At first glance, these folks can seem nice but their value systems differ quite substantially from yours and mine.

Honestly, the parents who are saying you overreacted are not really the type that you want your kids associating with anyway. While the situation was really hard for your DD as she might feel friendless for a week or two. I would probably tell her that it was probably for the best because she learned that these friends were probably not good ones for her.

Please stop!

My children are both in HIGHLY selective universities and I found that mother (and her daughter) to be WELL over the top! My children have always been the kind parents wanted their children to hang around. Part of the reason is because I taught them how to deal with negative situations and people appropriately, which led to them learning to keep their emotions in check. This training began almost from the time they began to interact with other kids in pre-school. By the time they were in MS, neither one of them would've come rushing into my room crying over something like that. They would've handled it themselves (probably with a bit of humor) and told me about it during the post-sleepover recap.

That said, I'm the poster at the top who said that she would acknowledge the daughter's feelings but point out they likely meant it as a prank that she didn't find funny. In talking to the girls, I'd also acknowledge that while they may have meant no harm, the prank was harmful.

Understanding that the mother is Asian and unfamiliar with sleepovers put her reaction into perspective for me.

But some of you....I feel sorry for your kids. However, I also now better understand why some just LOSE IT and find it difficult to deal with life.

Wow, you are a cold mom. Who cares that your DCs are in HIGHLY selective universities. You are still a cold mom.

I'm a cold mom with young adult children who are rational and able to deal appropriately with situations.

I can't imagine what DD's daughter will be like in the young adulthood. Unless she does a lot of growing in high school, she's pretty doomed.

This poster and her words of "wisdom" continue to be hilarious!

I agree. This poster sounds like an arrogant and entitled parent of kids who I hope didn't turn out as arrogant and entitled as her. I can't imagine what her kids are like today. And as far as dealing appropriately with situations, she's just proven to everyone that she deals with situations like an ass.

our

I just think that as parents we need to take a moment to breath, calm down before we react and judge. Of course we are going to be protective towards our babies. They are and always will be are babies! But if we turn into momma bears that scare away our kids' friends at every misstep, our kids will soon learn that it is not safe to confide in us. Just something to think about...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- You mentioned you were Asian and I was born and raised in America and am white.

I just want you to know that if my DD did what those kids had done, I would have been horrified.

In the US, unfortunately I think you really have to watch out as there is a "culture" exercised my many people on this forum- that this type of behavior is okay. IMHO these people are entitled. At first glance, these folks can seem nice but their value systems differ quite substantially from yours and mine.

Honestly, the parents who are saying you overreacted are not really the type that you want your kids associating with anyway. While the situation was really hard for your DD as she might feel friendless for a week or two. I would probably tell her that it was probably for the best because she learned that these friends were probably not good ones for her.

Please stop!

My children are both in HIGHLY selective universities and I found that mother (and her daughter) to be WELL over the top! My children have always been the kind parents wanted their children to hang around. Part of the reason is because I taught them how to deal with negative situations and people appropriately, which led to them learning to keep their emotions in check. This training began almost from the time they began to interact with other kids in pre-school. By the time they were in MS, neither one of them would've come rushing into my room crying over something like that. They would've handled it themselves (probably with a bit of humor) and told me about it during the post-sleepover recap.

That said, I'm the poster at the top who said that she would acknowledge the daughter's feelings but point out they likely meant it as a prank that she didn't find funny. In talking to the girls, I'd also acknowledge that while they may have meant no harm, the prank was harmful.

Understanding that the mother is Asian and unfamiliar with sleepovers put her reaction into perspective for me.

But some of you....I feel sorry for your kids. However, I also now better understand why some just LOSE IT and find it difficult to deal with life.

Wow, you are a cold mom. Who cares that your DCs are in HIGHLY selective universities. You are still a cold mom.

I'm a cold mom with young adult children who are rational and able to deal appropriately with situations.

I can't imagine what DD's daughter will be like in the young adulthood. Unless she does a lot of growing in high school, she's pretty doomed.

This poster and her words of "wisdom" continue to be hilarious!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP- You mentioned you were Asian and I was born and raised in America and am white.

I just want you to know that if my DD did what those kids had done, I would have been horrified.

In the US, unfortunately I think you really have to watch out as there is a "culture" exercised my many people on this forum- that this type of behavior is okay. IMHO these people are entitled. At first glance, these folks can seem nice but their value systems differ quite substantially from yours and mine.

Honestly, the parents who are saying you overreacted are not really the type that you want your kids associating with anyway. While the situation was really hard for your DD as she might feel friendless for a week or two. I would probably tell her that it was probably for the best because she learned that these friends were probably not good ones for her.

Please stop!

My children are both in HIGHLY selective universities and I found that mother (and her daughter) to be WELL over the top! My children have always been the kind parents wanted their children to hang around. Part of the reason is because I taught them how to deal with negative situations and people appropriately, which led to them learning to keep their emotions in check. This training began almost from the time they began to interact with other kids in pre-school. By the time they were in MS, neither one of them would've come rushing into my room crying over something like that. They would've handled it themselves (probably with a bit of humor) and told me about it during the post-sleepover recap.

That said, I'm the poster at the top who said that she would acknowledge the daughter's feelings but point out they likely meant it as a prank that she didn't find funny. In talking to the girls, I'd also acknowledge that while they may have meant no harm, the prank was harmful.

Understanding that the mother is Asian and unfamiliar with sleepovers put her reaction into perspective for me.

But some of you....I feel sorry for your kids. However, I also now better understand why some just LOSE IT and find it difficult to deal with life.

Wow, you are a cold mom. Who cares that your DCs are in HIGHLY selective universities. You are still a cold mom.

I'm a cold mom with young adult children who are rational and able to deal appropriately with situations.

I can't imagine what DD's daughter will be like in the young adulthood. Unless she does a lot of growing in high school, she's pretty doomed.

Queen Bees and Wannabes

Must read for MS parents.

Your DD was at the bottom of the totem pole.

Handle this carefully, without overreacting. Make them feel embarrassed by speaking very nicely to them about it. Tell them , "You are not girls who are mean, so I am surprised that you pulled this prank. Since what you did made DD feel bad, I give you the responsibility to make her feel better"

Anonymous wrote:This is totally a troll post.

Why do you think that? Curious- I've posted several times?

This is totally a troll post.

.

In my culture (Asia), if you are a guest and you do that to your host (at least when I was growing up many years ago), you would be considered not only incredibly rude,

There is so much truth to this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe some of you fools are missing the big point (although I see many of you got it).

I cannot believe these kids were acting a fool in this woman's own home. I think beyond the disrespect, prank or whatever, if you are in someone else's home, you behave in a respectful manner. That means not doing shit that would result in a mother getting woken up in the middle of the damn night!

Prank, whatever. Those girls should have known better and been apologetic from the jump. Not making excuses. Those defending them and saying the OP is overreacting? Y'all crazy. Those kids ought to have been hella ashamed and if it was my kid that did that mess, I would have been crazy apologetic because I taught them that shit doesn't fly in my home let alone someone else's.

My kids have had rude ass friends. They aren't welcome in my home. Period. Make other friends or go someplace else to hang out. This shit would have been a perma banning unless I received a serious apology from the kids and their parents.

OP here. I could not resist coming back as this thread has generated so much interest. Poster above, thank you for getting it!!!! You completely see it the way I see it. Thank you for saying it like it is.

Thank you to all the other posters who got it as well.

I have to say I did not grow up in the US, and this sleepover prank custom really confused me. I did not know such a thing existed until this incident. Frankly when I saw my DD that way in the middle of the night, I was shocked – I did not know what to make of it. In my culture (Asia), if you are a guest and you do that to your host (at least when I was growing up many years ago), you would be considered not only incredibly rude, but insane (as in, what went terribly wrong in your upbringing to make you act in this very very strange way – and how could it be that you are not absolutely ashamed to do that to your host, and how could you show your face to your hosts the next morning??).

Where I grew up, if you visit someone’s house, and they open your home to you, and greet you and serve you, you act with the utmost respect. And if, just for argument’s sake, one of the guests pulled a “prank” like the one that they pulled at my house, I can say there would be some serious consequences and repercussions between the families.

It’s true that we are in the US, and I embrace and respect the great values that the US has to offer, but I must say that, in every culture (as in mine) there are aspects which could be reworked.

The sleepover pranking in my view is not a good custom. There are healthier ways to add excitement to friendships.

I grew up in NOVA with american parents and in our culture, if you are a guest and you do that ot your host, you would be considered not only incredibly rude but insane.

Sorry, it's not a culture issue. It's an issue of manners. Don't discount the parents of the other girls - they were likely very embarrassed and something to their kids and will continue to do so the next time their kids visit someone's home.