Anonymous
04/22/2015 19:25
Subject: If you grew up poor...
This thread has been such an eye opener.
For those of you who either grew up in homes where there wasn't enough food OR where parents were irresponsible/spending on themselves and not making sure the kids were fed, had free school lunch etc. -- do you ever feel that people make TOO big of a deal re their kids' needs? I know many of you have said that you always make sure your kids are full even if they are overweight.
But reading this thread in contrast to the thread re the mom who is having trouble keeping her kids fed bc they consume so much food -- people are chastising her for doing things like using 4 chicken breasts in a chicken-rice-veggie stir fry for 6 people or for ONLY making 10 chicken legs for 6 people including 2 teen boys. Other posters are railing about how teen boys NEED more food and she is starving them. I couldn't help but think about this thread and think -- oh please -- there are people (including men I'm sure) who got by on ramen noodles and spam during their teen years and they lived to tell. I'm not suggesting you SHOULD deprive your kids if you don't financially have to -- but do you ever feel like people go overboard talking about how much kids need? Same way people talk about - oh no, I'd never feed my kids non-organic milk/veggies/meat/whatever. Do you ever have a reaction internally re -- my kid should be thankful he has milk/meat etc every day, I'm not spending more on organic when I grew up without those things and turned out fine?!
For those of you who either grew up in homes where there wasn't enough food OR where parents were irresponsible/spending on themselves and not making sure the kids were fed, had free school lunch etc. -- do you ever feel that people make TOO big of a deal re their kids' needs? I know many of you have said that you always make sure your kids are full even if they are overweight.
But reading this thread in contrast to the thread re the mom who is having trouble keeping her kids fed bc they consume so much food -- people are chastising her for doing things like using 4 chicken breasts in a chicken-rice-veggie stir fry for 6 people or for ONLY making 10 chicken legs for 6 people including 2 teen boys. Other posters are railing about how teen boys NEED more food and she is starving them. I couldn't help but think about this thread and think -- oh please -- there are people (including men I'm sure) who got by on ramen noodles and spam during their teen years and they lived to tell. I'm not suggesting you SHOULD deprive your kids if you don't financially have to -- but do you ever feel like people go overboard talking about how much kids need? Same way people talk about - oh no, I'd never feed my kids non-organic milk/veggies/meat/whatever. Do you ever have a reaction internally re -- my kid should be thankful he has milk/meat etc every day, I'm not spending more on organic when I grew up without those things and turned out fine?!
Anonymous
04/22/2015 10:18
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:1.) When I was a sophomore in high school, the strap to my only bra broke. I had to safety pin the strap to hold it together. The mean girls noticed it in gym class, and would ask me every day for the rest of the year if I had a safety pin they could borrow. Awesome.
2.) Once on a sleepover, I ran out of pads and my parents didn't have money to buy me more, so I rolled up toilet paper in my underwear. (Yet, my mom never ran out of cigarettes).
3.)Once we had a roach infestation. Apparently some of the bugs stowed away in my backpack and crawled out during math class.
*deep breath*
I've never told anyone these things before. I could go on and on.
Yes. We never had pads. Thank God I had light periods.
But I had an alcoholic family member who drank and had cigarettes every day.
I literally starved in high school. Nothing to eat from about 7 am to dinnertime. No lunch money and mom couldn't get it together to apply for free lunch.
My mom bought me a hand sewn jacket in junior high at a garage sale that had a patch of a toy train on the back. Of course kids noticed the outline and teased me about it.
Anonymous
04/22/2015 10:11
Subject: Re:If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able yo break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?
In my view, there is something about being poor that makes you try harder and take more risks. When you are wealthy, why try harder? Now, my family is comfortable. We're not wealthy, but we have what we need, can do some fun things, and have some money in the bank. As with another poster above, I wonder if my kids are spoiled, and wouldn't have their character improved by having less.
NP. To be clear, some of it was choices, sure, and the above about being willing to take more risks is DEFINITELY true, IMO, but a lot of it was also blind dumb luck and a little (relative) privilege. I got a decent education and was the right color. When I was able to clean up, I looked and sounded like a typical middle class white girl.
Anonymous
04/22/2015 09:52
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* all of 4th and 5th grade we didnt have power.
* qualified for free lunch and like you OP would never get te lunch because then people would know.
*all thru HS we lived,literally, in a shack with roaches, rats and no AC or heat
* I never went to a single event in HS, including prom because there wasnt money to, and I was ashamed of my clothes
* I spent so many nights going to bed hungry that I push food on my DC. I'm so paranoid he might be hungry that now he's about 10lbs overweight
* as an adult I'm a terrible hoarder of things I never had as a kid- toothpaste, deodorant, soap/shampoo and feminine products being my biggest hoards
Where did you live? What are your circumstances like now? What about your siblings? Parents?
I grew up in Texas and Florida. Texas we were poor, in Florida we were dirt poor. My father just one day decided he didn't want to work anymore and so he didnt. I got a job at 15, but it went to help pay the bills.
It's been 25 yrs since I've spoken or seen my father and close to 10 for my mother. I am by no means wealthy, but I do very well and my DC has never known what hungry or cold or scared feels like. He is heavily spoiled. I keep telling myself I need to scale back on material things for him, and then the little girl me rears her head and I can't help it and buy whatever his heart desires
I get this. Totally. That little girl in me does the same thing.
Anonymous
04/21/2015 23:38
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Ziplock bags over my shoes, tied with rubber bands, instead of snow boots. Mom's idea. I was in second grade and thought it was brilliant. Until everyone made fun of me.
I thought I was the only one!
Anonymous
04/21/2015 23:34
Subject: If you grew up poor...
This thread really opened my eyes, and it has been a while since someone last posted, so I'm bumping it.
Anonymous
07/23/2013 22:38
Subject: If you grew up poor...
There are tons of people in McLean that rent, don't let them fool you. The ones that don't act like asses are the ones that need help. I would imagine the schools guidance counselors might be able to best direct you to legitimate need. The latter is true of most communities.
Signed, not everyone from a wealthy town is wealthy; yet not so easily impressed.
Signed, not everyone from a wealthy town is wealthy; yet not so easily impressed.
Anonymous
07/23/2013 22:31
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think food stamps (or snap) is now provided with a debit card, so hopefully this diminishes some of the shame for people (kids and adults).
It is and the current farm bill in the house is trying to significantly cut funding for SNAP - supplemental nutrition assistance program. For all those here who were helped by food stamps and want to see another generation of people have the same chance to rise out of poverty, you should pay attention to the news and let congress know their inaction and inability to cooperate is hurting America's families.
I've been a food pantry volunteer for nearly a decade and can vouch for the fact that SNAP (as it is now) isn't particularly generous. I worry for my clients if SNAP suffers more funding cuts.
SNAP does NOT include the purchase of cleaning supplies, toilet paper, diapers, soap, shampoo, laundry detergent, deodorant, tampons/pads, tissues, hand sanitizers, paper towels, tooth brushes...so, not only are families struggling to make ends meet and provide food for their families, guess what they go without to survive? It's heartbreaking. They are already marginalized and often do not have the means to properly clean themselves, their children, their home. Vicious cycle, indeed. I always make certain that my clients get all of the above whenever possible. Next time you have a chance to donate to a food pantry, consider non food items.
Anonymous
07/16/2013 17:33
Subject: If you grew up poor...
We reused saran wrap. Really. Mom would spread it out to let it dry flat to be reused.
Anonymous
07/13/2013 16:41
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:I also did the rolled up toilet paper.
When I was 14 I desperately needed Clearasil, and my mom wrapped it up as a Christmas present. I wish she had given it to me when she bought it, as I had to suffer without until I got it.
I had just 3 outfits I could wear to school. I attended a high cost of living area school and everyone noticed. I also only had 4 pairs of dark green underwear that I used to wash by hand very often. My classmates must have thought I only had one pair.
I cleaned peoples houses for money and this one old lady was very nice to me
I did not have close friends, and avoided parties and out of school functions. My dad wanted me to go, I had to explain that I just do not have clothes to out in.
I did not want to go to my prom, but my mom sowed a prom dress for me so I could not get out of it
Must have been hard on them as well. They sound like good people.
Anonymous
07/13/2013 16:19
Subject: If you grew up poor...
I also did the rolled up toilet paper.
When I was 14 I desperately needed Clearasil, and my mom wrapped it up as a Christmas present. I wish she had given it to me when she bought it, as I had to suffer without until I got it.
I had just 3 outfits I could wear to school. I attended a high cost of living area school and everyone noticed. I also only had 4 pairs of dark green underwear that I used to wash by hand very often. My classmates must have thought I only had one pair.
I cleaned peoples houses for money and this one old lady was very nice to me
I did not have close friends, and avoided parties and out of school functions. My dad wanted me to go, I had to explain that I just do not have clothes to out in.
I did not want to go to my prom, but my mom sowed a prom dress for me so I could not get out of it
When I was 14 I desperately needed Clearasil, and my mom wrapped it up as a Christmas present. I wish she had given it to me when she bought it, as I had to suffer without until I got it.
I had just 3 outfits I could wear to school. I attended a high cost of living area school and everyone noticed. I also only had 4 pairs of dark green underwear that I used to wash by hand very often. My classmates must have thought I only had one pair.
I cleaned peoples houses for money and this one old lady was very nice to me
I did not have close friends, and avoided parties and out of school functions. My dad wanted me to go, I had to explain that I just do not have clothes to out in.
I did not want to go to my prom, but my mom sowed a prom dress for me so I could not get out of it
Anonymous
07/13/2013 16:03
Subject: If you grew up poor...
1.) When I was a sophomore in high school, the strap to my only bra broke. I had to safety pin the strap to hold it together. The mean girls noticed it in gym class, and would ask me every day for the rest of the year if I had a safety pin they could borrow. Awesome.
2.) Once on a sleepover, I ran out of pads and my parents didn't have money to buy me more, so I rolled up toilet paper in my underwear. (Yet, my mom never ran out of cigarettes).
3.)Once we had a roach infestation. Apparently some of the bugs stowed away in my backpack and crawled out during math class.
*deep breath*
I've never told anyone these things before. I could go on and on.
2.) Once on a sleepover, I ran out of pads and my parents didn't have money to buy me more, so I rolled up toilet paper in my underwear. (Yet, my mom never ran out of cigarettes).
3.)Once we had a roach infestation. Apparently some of the bugs stowed away in my backpack and crawled out during math class.
*deep breath*
I've never told anyone these things before. I could go on and on.
Anonymous
07/10/2013 20:55
Subject: Re:If you grew up poor...
I grew up in a very poor area, and didn't realize I was poor until I got to college. My parents couldn't afford dental care but my dad had a dentist friend from high school who would fill our cavities after hours for $10 a pop. Probably had 18 fillings before adulthood, and never once had novocain (that would have cost another $10). That dentist was so gentle though, he never hurt me.
Anonymous
07/09/2013 23:18
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:"Thank you to everyone who has shared their stories. They are heartbreaking. I'm curious how you all were able you break the cycle? How were you able to make better choices?"
Focus and opportunity.
My grandfather ran a chinese laundromat in new york. My mom and dad came to this country in their late teenage years and only finished up to high school.
I grew up in NYC. We were poor, but i think what saved us was that my grandfather bought the multifamily house we lived in and so we didnt have to worry about losing our home. But my mom was SAH and my dad was a truck mechanic. When he lost his job in the 1991 recession, he couldnt find work for 2 years. But we didnt go hungry.
We got free lunch at school, but it wasnt a big deal because most students got lunch at the school i went to. Being poor, the NYC public school system gave us unlimited metro cards, so my friends and i could ride the subway all over the city. We went to free museums, concerts, central park, you name it.
I never went on the expensive school trips, did not buy the school photos. My family never took a vacation, ever. I didnt do summer camps. I did free nerd science camps a few summers in high school. Didnt go to the prom because i couldnt afford a suit or the tickets. The only way i got a yearbook was because i was the editor in chief my senior year of high school.
My parents did stress the importance of education. My sister and i both went to college on a full scholarship and then went on to medical school. We now do very well and i spoil my kids rotten.
looking back, im fortunate that i had opportunities to experience things without being rich. Reading all these stories on this thread make me see that all my materials needs were met so i could focus on education. My parents were loving and stable, even if they were cheap and i missed out on some things typical of an american childhood. I would say i was very fortunate, even though we were poor.
Anonymous
07/09/2013 13:28
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Later, working in a store, I would get mad at some of the parents who would send their kids in with food stamps. If you spent a $1 stamp you could get your change in "real" money. So these parents would send their kids in to buy ice cream bars, repeatedly, so they could get enough change to buy a pack of smokes.
My mom used to do this to me!