When my mom was on her death bed a few years ago, she told me that the happiest time of her life was when she was a stay-at-home mom and my brother and I were young. She didn't have a lot of money, clipped coupons, and hunted for bargains, but was fulfilled.

She went back to work when my brother and I were in middle school, but never returned to the professional level that she was before staying home. Still, she said she never regretted her decision to stay home and would not have done it differently.

Kids are only young once and you only get one life to live.
Money, stuff, and prestige are not the only rewards in life. Having a happy home life is priceless.

I stopped working when my oldest was born. My 2 children are now in elementary school full time and I'm hoping to return to the workforce part-time. I've loved being a stay-at-home mom and I'm a little sad about going back to work, but I know that the time is right.

I saved like crazy before having kids because I knew that I wanted to stay home while they were young and, luckily, I found a husband who was supportive of that idea. We've had to sacrifice by driving older cars and living in a smaller home, but we made it work.

Could you scale down to part-time? Personally, I think that would give me the work-life balance that I'm looking for.

OP have you tried to figure out a way to stay home? We live in NW DC in a 2 bedroom condo. Kids go to a very good DCPS.

I have been able to work less than 20 hours a week for 7 years. This meant being mostly at SAHM during the first 6 years of my children's life. My husband makes less than 80K a year. Last year was the first year that our combined incomes reached 100K. Its tight. We don't save, we don't spend much, we have some occasional financial and babysitting help from family...but I never resented my husband. Just made the sacrifice and made it work. If you really desperately want it, try to make it happen.

Now that kids are older, I'm working a bit more.

OP, I know many SAHMs. They are GREAT at what they do. Some women are simply not cut out for it, but would rather SAHM than do what they are doing now.

Do NOT compare your self to others OP, you will be EXTREMELY disappointed.

My friend has neighbors who gossip about the nicest woman in the neighborhood because she is a SAHM and happens to be more accomplished and prettier than them. They are straight out of a really, really bad high school sitcom. It is funny to be a third party and find it so obvious. Don't be one of them. It shows and does not make for a rich life for you.

Anonymous wrote:
"But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out."

AKA The Sweet Spot.


FU money is the best.

Feel you, but I am a man and make all the money!

Yes. Sometimes not so secretly as well. But that is mostly bc not only can I not be a stay at home mom but I am also trapped in an extremely demanding job as the primary breadwinner and cannot even go part time. And not only is DH's salary not enough for us to live on without mine but his job is very demanding as well so I feel like neither of us get enough time with our child. It's not a sustainable situation.

Yes yes yes. Everyday. Yes.

Anonymous wrote:"But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out."

AKA The Sweet Spot.

FU money is the best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I agree that kids can do great in many, many different kinds of scenarios. But does this mean, then that SAHPs are necessarily wasting their time for choosing this path?"

Yes.

That is the same as saying that breastfeeding is wasting your time because kids who are formula fed grow up to be healthy and happy. Or that having two parents is insignificant because kids from single parent homes grow up to be healthy and happy.

No, its not, because its a cost benefit analysis. The cost to any given family, and more significantly, to the parent who stays at home are HUGE. Loss of financial freedom, loss of job opportunities, risk of being unable to reenter the workforce, loss of identity, often loss of place in society. The costs of BFing are minimal and short lived. The costs of having two parents, well sometimes, there is no other possibility, others remaining in a truly terrible marriage presents its own set of issues for children.

But, bottom line, the costs of SAHM are enormous, unless the person that chooses to do so had no career to speak of in the beginning, few career aspirations for later, and the family can well afford it. Even then, there is no way to know that the benefits of it outweigh the cost -- because there are simply no proven benefits. Unlike BFing and single parenting, there are no studies -- none -- showing that kids with SAHP fare better lonh term. Interesting, huh?

Nope, because I am completely undomestic and I would just play with the kids or watch TV all day and the house would fall slowly to shambles.

Anonymous wrote:This is hilarious. I SAH and I'm pretty jealous of my DH who gets to go to his important (but not highly paid) job every day. We used to have similar jobs and make similar salaries. I guess the grass is always greener...

Oh honey, you're so funny. My job isn't THAT important. I keep hoping you don't figure out that you could make more than me because I might end up at home with those crazy kids.

This is hilarious. I SAH and I'm pretty jealous of my DH who gets to go to his important (but not highly paid) job every day. We used to have similar jobs and make similar salaries. I guess the grass is always greener...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but only because he expects to live the life of a man with a SAHW. I work longer hours than he does, make more money than he does, and take care of everything at home. He tells me I should stop doing stuff around the house if it stresses me out. Apparently, he thinks we will all just fend for ourselves... like our 1yo knows how to make food, do laundry/dishes, bathe herself.

So, yes. I resent that I still have to work AND provide him with the lifestyle that his dad had. But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out. Sometimes that is very tempting.

OMG. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL

I stay at home for this reason. My husband has no interest to do anything domestic. I'd love to work, but our family life would fall apart. I wouldn't make enough to pay for the help we'd need if I worked - daycare, someone to cook dinner and clean nightly. My husband won't even load the dishwasher or throw his used tissues away. He seriously just piles them up on the side table.

"But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out."

AKA The Sweet Spot.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but only because he expects to live the life of a man with a SAHW. I work longer hours than he does, make more money than he does, and take care of everything at home. He tells me I should stop doing stuff around the house if it stresses me out. Apparently, he thinks we will all just fend for ourselves... like our 1yo knows how to make food, do laundry/dishes, bathe herself.

So, yes. I resent that I still have to work AND provide him with the lifestyle that his dad had. But because I work, I know that I have the option to walk out. Sometimes that is very tempting.

OMG. THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL