Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 12:01     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/




Assault with a Breadly Weapon

“It smelled of onions and mustard” which “exploded all over my chest”…
Bro doesn’t realize he’s writing hoagie erotica in the court room

Poor Boy gets Torpedoed on Grinder, Hero on this Wedge issue. Blimpie sours on salt and buttery charge.

Not Pounded By A Handsome Sentient Grinder Because It's Still In It's Packet And Hasn't Exploded At All Although It Looks As Though A Little Bit Is Coming Out Towards The Bottom

I love the smell of onions and mustard in the morning.

There was no glory in this. I hadn't asked for this hoagie. Trouble had come to me, in big oil and olive drenched swarms. The good and the just, they were like fresh cold cuts in this sub shop of a city. I had no illusions. I was not one of them. I was no 'hero'. Just me and the sun-chips, and the sandwich. My options had decreased to a singular course... the 6 inch taken right to the chest.

You’re laughing. This man can never attend another Oktoberfest, and you’re laughing.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 11:28     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/

“ Post Traumatic Sandwich Disorder” lol


Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 11:28     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:lol.

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.

The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.

"I could smell the onions and mustard."





Hilarious

Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 11:09     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/

“ Post Traumatic Sandwich Disorder” lol
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 11:02     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/


Someone on the thread mad a very good point about all the things that get thrown at teachers and you don't see them crying about mustard and pressing charges.


We already know that teachers are tougher than cops. Pay them more FFS.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2025 00:07     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/


Someone on the thread mad a very good point about all the things that get thrown at teachers and you don't see them crying about mustard and pressing charges.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:44     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
This became the best post ever on

https://www.reddit.com/r/NotTheOnion

https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/comments/1ooc35n/it_smelled_of_onions_and_mustard_border_patrol/
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:42     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:lol.

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.

The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.

"I could smell the onions and mustard."


That was perjury.

The ordnance was unexploded.

https://www.rawstory.com/sean-dunn-sandwich-guy/
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:41     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. While I fully agree that the attempt to indict this as a felony was absurd, this is a simple assault all day. You cannot just go around throwing things at people you don’t like even if you’re throwing something that will not objectively cause injury. If the jurors apply the law as it relates to simple assault the deliberation in this should take less than 5 minutes. Should USAO have offered this guy some diversion or community service, absolutely, but this is a simple assault.


A drunk guy throwing a sandwich where the only repercussions is the officer being able to smell the onions and the mustard is basically a victimless crime. Prosecutors have charged rapists with less vigor than this guy is getting.


Did he actually smell like mustard and onions from an unwrapped sandwich?


Err wrapped sandwich


Which did not explode. As the defense showed with a picture of the alleged deli weapon post impact.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:30     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:lol.

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.

The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.

"I could smell the onions and mustard."

😂 This is the most dramatic way to describe the the incident.[/quote

I know you shouldn't throw sandwiches at anyone, but I would have a hard time not laughing my head off if I were on that jury.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:26     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. While I fully agree that the attempt to indict this as a felony was absurd, this is a simple assault all day. You cannot just go around throwing things at people you don’t like even if you’re throwing something that will not objectively cause injury. If the jurors apply the law as it relates to simple assault the deliberation in this should take less than 5 minutes. Should USAO have offered this guy some diversion or community service, absolutely, but this is a simple assault.


A drunk guy throwing a sandwich where the only repercussions is the officer being able to smell the onions and the mustard is basically a victimless crime. Prosecutors have charged rapists with less vigor than this guy is getting.




Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:25     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:lol.

Border Patrol agent Lairmore testifies that he was not injured by the sandwich, but he felt the impact through his ballistic vest.

The sandwich came apart and "kind of exploded" on his chest upon impact, he says.

"I could smell the onions and mustard."

😂 This is the most dramatic way to describe the the incident.
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:06     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. While I fully agree that the attempt to indict this as a felony was absurd, this is a simple assault all day. You cannot just go around throwing things at people you don’t like even if you’re throwing something that will not objectively cause injury. If the jurors apply the law as it relates to simple assault the deliberation in this should take less than 5 minutes. Should USAO have offered this guy some diversion or community service, absolutely, but this is a simple assault.


A drunk guy throwing a sandwich where the only repercussions is the officer being able to smell the onions and the mustard is basically a victimless crime. Prosecutors have charged rapists with less vigor than this guy is getting.


Did he actually smell like mustard and onions from an unwrapped sandwich?


Err wrapped sandwich
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 21:05     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. While I fully agree that the attempt to indict this as a felony was absurd, this is a simple assault all day. You cannot just go around throwing things at people you don’t like even if you’re throwing something that will not objectively cause injury. If the jurors apply the law as it relates to simple assault the deliberation in this should take less than 5 minutes. Should USAO have offered this guy some diversion or community service, absolutely, but this is a simple assault.


A drunk guy throwing a sandwich where the only repercussions is the officer being able to smell the onions and the mustard is basically a victimless crime. Prosecutors have charged rapists with less vigor than this guy is getting.


Did he actually smell like mustard and onions from an unwrapped sandwich?
Anonymous
Post 11/04/2025 19:21     Subject: Jury refuses to indict Sandwich Man and other Trump cop misadventures
Anonymous wrote:Ok I’m going to play devil’s advocate here. While I fully agree that the attempt to indict this as a felony was absurd, this is a simple assault all day. You cannot just go around throwing things at people you don’t like even if you’re throwing something that will not objectively cause injury. If the jurors apply the law as it relates to simple assault the deliberation in this should take less than 5 minutes. Should USAO have offered this guy some diversion or community service, absolutely, but this is a simple assault.


A drunk guy throwing a sandwich where the only repercussions is the officer being able to smell the onions and the mustard is basically a victimless crime. Prosecutors have charged rapists with less vigor than this guy is getting.