Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

That's SO self absorbed. It screams "main character syndrome".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

That’s not the question. The question is why you invite people to your wedding if you are indifferent to whether or not they come.

No it’s not. The question is “why so much anger” coming from the people who have kids that weren’t included. Decline and move on, no need to stomp your feet and get mad over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious how it’s communicated on the invite. Do people actually write “child free”?!

You could address the invite to just those who are invited, which is the proper/traditional way.
You can add "there are 2 seats reserved in your honor" along with that.
You can add "This is an 18+/21+ event"
etc.
Generally it's rude to specify who ISN'T invited, ie "no kids allowed" or something. I'm sure some people do though.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL had a no kids allowed destination wedding at a $1000/night resort that was hours away from an airport. We had a 2 year old and had never left him overnight and no childcare options. SIL tried to paint this as an amazing opportunity to take a child free 'vacation' (all her close friends also had kids) but we didn't end up going so her only sibling wasn't there.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

If it's an adult wedding then no one should be mad if ALL the kids aren't invited. My niece invited my sibling's kids, and not mine. That is a big faux pas.

You know, the funny thing is that OP started this thread to criticize people with kids, but the most egregious examples of horrific behavior have been from brides.

I agree. Like any event the host doesn't get to abuse their guests even at their own wedding. I've seen brides that try to put the divorced parents together, instead of sitting with their new spouses, lol and such nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:I have no problem with "no kids" as long as the bride is gracious and it's not a dysfunctional family where the people who decline will be shamed/blamed/guilt tripped for declining.

I did find of my friends/co-workers and family who turned into bridezillas-having majorly unrealistic expectations of those they invite (or have in bridal party) and who were not gracious are all now either divorced or miserable in their marriages. So, often it's just a sign of someone who just has poor coping skills in general and not personal.

Anonymous wrote:I think an adult only wedding is most common. The only gripe I have as many people is when they say no kids, BUT they let one family member bring theirs. That is tacky IMO

Anonymous wrote:My SIL had a no kids allowed destination wedding at a $1000/night resort that was hours away from an airport. We had a 2 year old and had never left him overnight and no childcare options. SIL tried to paint this as an amazing opportunity to take a child free 'vacation' (all her close friends also had kids) but we didn't end up going so her only sibling wasn't there.

Anonymous wrote:If a wedding is a lifestyle event, as they have become, then it makes perfect sense that kids would not be invited.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious how it’s communicated on the invite. Do people actually write “child free”?!

The way I’ve seen it, the invite is addressed only to the couple rather than to the family and the wedding website says something about it.

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious how it’s communicated on the invite. Do people actually write “child free”?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

That’s not the question. The question is why you invite people to your wedding if you are indifferent to whether or not they come.

Anonymous wrote:Weddings are usually about celebrating a happy event with friends and family - so when you say except you - we don't want you at our wedding, we don't want you to be here, we don't want to celebrate with you, we want family pictures without you - you aren't invited....that hurts - be it adult or older child. Knowing your family member wants to exclude you from their wedding ceremony and dinner tells you a lot about what they think of you and none of it good.

We had that happen recently. Tween excluded from a wedding of someone they thought they were close to and thought that person liked them. Everyone else in the family was invied and going (tween is youngest). They were very confused as to why they weren't wanted especially as they hadn't been to a wedding before and had been very very excited about it all...and said family member had been telling them details and showing them pictures. At first family member said it was financial so we offered to cover the cost. Then they said it was numbers and space but given their venue, that didn't make sense. Eventually they gave in reluctantly and tween went. Tween is basically an adult in terms of behaviour, sat quietly, ate properly, didn't run around. We kept tween from going up to talk to bride to avoid any perception that she was being annoying. Now family member acts like she always wanted her there...

Anonymous wrote:I’m curious how it’s communicated on the invite. Do people actually write “child free”?!