Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion: not everyone benefits from therapy. I’ve tried several therapists and stuck out some of them over the years, but realized years ago that therapy doesn’t “work” for my personality or needs. I find it very odd that mankind survived many millennia without therapy and now it has become somehow paramount that every person attend therapy.

And hey! Science backs that up! https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/16/magazine/does-therapy-work.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

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Anonymous wrote:The point of therapy is not to make you more aware of your issues, it's to help find strategies to address them and not just have your family be a dumping ground for them. Grow up, find a therapist and stop being ok with being a jerk to your wife and kids, even if you know you're being one.

This. I asked my exDH and new boyfriend to see a therapist because I was tired of dealing with their issues myself. Be proactive and fix your problems yourself.

I am dating in my 40s. a LOT of emotionally broken (but fixable) men out there. A few divorced ones are emotionally stunted, I think. At least I know my issues and won’t spew them out. All by way of saying, I understand your comment !

Anonymous wrote:Unpopular opinion: not everyone benefits from therapy. I’ve tried several therapists and stuck out some of them over the years, but realized years ago that therapy doesn’t “work” for my personality or needs. I find it very odd that mankind survived many millennia without therapy and now it has become somehow paramount that every person attend therapy.

There is a difference between surviving and thriving. You do you.

I had two good therapists; one ran its course in three months and couldn’t come up with any more decent coping methods for me to handle my mentally I’ll spouse.

Second was fantastic, I read all her books on aspergers/ many relationships, did support groups. After a year of that things starting repeating and now I run some of the groups or loop in occasionally.

I definitely got stronger and more rested and good clarity on my situation. I also consulted with a few divorce attorneys experienced with abusers and trauma, so I know my options there too.

Knowledge helps. But I still have only bad options to choose from….

Anonymous wrote:The point of therapy is not to make you more aware of your issues, it's to help find strategies to address them and not just have your family be a dumping ground for them. Grow up, find a therapist and stop being ok with being a jerk to your wife and kids, even if you know you're being one.

This. I asked my exDH and new boyfriend to see a therapist because I was tired of dealing with their issues myself. Be proactive and fix your problems yourself.

Unpopular opinion: not everyone benefits from therapy. I’ve tried several therapists and stuck out some of them over the years, but realized years ago that therapy doesn’t “work” for my personality or needs. I find it very odd that mankind survived many millennia without therapy and now it has become somehow paramount that every person attend therapy.

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Anonymous wrote:The way you do not describe having grieved the relationship with your father is also notable.

I’ve had 40+ years, how much longer do I have to grieve over it before you’re satisfied?

You actually have not described grieving it at all.

What's your criteria for grieving?

There are no criteria, but there’s a pretty clear way that it looks and feels—and if you experienced it you either can’t or won’t describe it.

Either of those is odd, in the context of you spending 19 pages trying to convince everyone that you are Just Fine.

Good luck to you.

Or, I don't feel the need to describe it. I've had 40 years to consider the relationship, 20+ away from daily interactions with him. I've had a lot of time to think about it—he has the ability to be a wonderful man, which made me very happy when he was able to show it, especially to my children, who really liked him, but it makes me really sad that he can't do it. But I also know I can't change him and that gives me a lot of solace. I will send you a notarized list of the times I've cried about it.

If you're actually concerned about my grief you wouldn't be accusing me of not suffering enough.

DP here -
My parents are both gone now. I am able to reflect on their parenting and my childhood and can sum up in a few sentences the issues and the results. I no longer grieve and have accepted that both them and I contributed to our relationship. I didnt do therapy to reach this point. I became a parent and a partner in a relationship. Couple that with being a logical thinker and open minded enough to accept that I could be at fault.

I am also aware of their parenting influence on mine both good and bad. I can reflect that some reactions to my children and situations are based on my own parenting. I have sought therapy for this to help manage the guilt I feel defaulting to those reactions and to work on ways to interrupt the reactions.

Anonymous wrote:I was off DCUM for about a week while on vacation, and come back to see this thread is still active, which cracks me up.

OP obviously has no issues, no need of help whatsoever (despite seeking input from strangers). 20 pages worth of debating and denying and proclaiming his superiority clearly indicates how balanced and self-aware he is.

Pretty amusing.

And even though his wife continually brings it up, he is totally healed and perfect! The only issue was 18mons ago, even though she brought it up again just a few weeks ago!

I was off DCUM for about a week while on vacation, and come back to see this thread is still active, which cracks me up.

OP obviously has no issues, no need of help whatsoever (despite seeking input from strangers). 20 pages worth of debating and denying and proclaiming his superiority clearly indicates how balanced and self-aware he is.

Pretty amusing.

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Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

Same impression here. Must be a troll. Or mentally ill Op.

So what's your excuse for sticking around?

Troll protection

Get therapy for that.

I am a PhD psychologist. DCUM is fascinating. We use it in class.

Do your students think you’re as useless as we do?

Anyway, what would you tell your students here?

Anonymous wrote:Bunch of wankers here

Agree

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Anonymous wrote:I remember this thread from days ago. The fact that OP is still hammering at the same points is telling. You don’t want perspectives. You want to teach us all how useless therapy is for someone “doing the work.” All you care about is controlling the narrative on this thread and in your own life.

Same impression here. Must be a troll. Or mentally ill Op.

So what's your excuse for sticking around?

Troll protection

Get therapy for that.

I am a PhD psychologist. DCUM is fascinating. We use it in class.