I’m pregnant and the smell of coffee makes me nauseous. They know this. Of course I’ve just dealt with it in the mornings, because I get that people want coffee, but DH has been opening the windows and has made sure to clean up as soon as possible to minimize the smell.

DH and I were just both upstairs helping older DD with bath/preparing for bed time, and MIL brewed a pot of coffee without asking or without warning. I’m currently gagging.

Thanks, MIL. This one time you couldn’t just skip a cup of coffee with leftover pie. Just this once, you couldn’t skip it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

Where in the midwest are you from? Definitely not a thing in Michigan/Ohio

Nebraska

Anonymous wrote:The ham and cream cheese wrapped around a pickle shows up at every church potluck here the Midwest. I’ve heard it called “Lutheran sushi.”

Where in the midwest are you from? Definitely not a thing in Michigan/Ohio

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

.

Agree. Were we or are parents so hard on our grandparents?

My MIL (who I mentioned earlier as one of those women who comment on how little they eat) was horrible to her own mother in law. She and her husband went to her home every Sunday for lunch, and she cooked the way she’d always cooked-and my MIL complained extensively every week. I’m half convinced the grandmother in law went all in in adding butter to things just to piss her off. I mean, who expects their MIL in their 80s to cook for you every week and then is so ungrateful about it?

Then after my MIL’s FIL died, her MIL decided to try some new things and my FIL would have a fit if she did anything differently from what he remembered growing up.

I hosted 10 people. One person brought a pie. Other than my spouse doing some dishes after we ate, everything thing else was on me. I’ve tried to get out of hosting and refused to even talk about until a week ago. Spouse offered and then wasn’t feeling well. And yes I have a spouse problem and not an in-law problem it they are closely related.

Peeving on this tonight! Relatives come for a week-long visit and treat it like a vacation - never cook, set the table, clear table, take host to a dinner or offer to get a takeout dinner. Sit in a chair while being served for a week.

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

+1

The ageism in this forum is shocking.

We are In Arizona visiting at SILs house. My SIL is not a good cook (she admits this) but no one else wanted to host, so she did. We are originally from this area so everyone else is local.

1) They have a cat, I like cats, but I walked in the kitchen and the cat was walking on top of a a pie my cousin brought over (it was covered in wrap). No one bothered to shoo the cat off of the pie. The pumpkin pie had cat paw prints imprinted on it! She still served it!

2) she cooked baby potatoes but did not cook them all the way. They had the texture of apples.

3) MIL is 76 years old. Lots of people were gathered in the living room chatting. MIL makes a move for the only open chair, which is a nice, oversized lounger. My niece (a 27 year old grown ass woman) makes a move for the same chair and beats MIL to it, leaving a 76 year old women with no place to sit. “Sorry gramma, this is my chair. I sit here when I’m home!” No one else offered up a chair. (Before you come at me, this is an open concept living room and I was standing in the kitchen).

4) For beverages for thanksgiving dinner we were offered wine, chocolate milk, a prime energy drink or orange juice. Interesting choices…

Not this year but my very wealthy SIL insisted on buying the cheapest turkey and bragged about it. I don’t care much either way, I just thought bragging was too much.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

.

Agree. Were we or are parents so hard on our grandparents?

Both of my parents hated their MIL's.

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

How do you know what is being said to us by OUR parents? You get an “unless” but we don’t? My parents and ILs both stay stupid things about weight and food around my daughters. I challenge it every time. My daughters will not be hearing that crap unchallenged.

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

.

Agree. Were we or are parents so hard on our grandparents?

Anonymous wrote:
You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

Insert heart emoji here....

You just really need to chill with the older people and their un-PC, very in-the-moment, conversation topics. Their worlds shrink so much, they lose their filters, they're not keeping up with what's appropriate to say... and they'll be dead soon anyway.

So unless it's my mother and she's saying, for the millionth time, "you're too fat, you can't eat that", I harbor affectionate tolerance for those old people whose foibles are less shocking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will serve family style when she hosts Thanksgiving. We serve buffet style, and I think this is easier for everyone. MIL hosted this year. She has a strange habit of using small bowels for sides and barely putting anything in them. So she has to jump up and run back to the kitchen and fill it up multiple times. She has plenty in the kitchen but she will put about 1 cup of stuffing or mashed potatoes in a serving bowl and it won’t make the way around the table. Also people take less of everything because they don’t know if that’s all there is.

Oh h%ll this is something my MIL would do - but she has weird control issues around food (and other things). How annoying - I empathize!

I'm the poster with the food restrictive mil. This is exactly what she did. She would make a point of letting us all know that she did not eat. She would make a half a sandwich and take a bite or two then put it away and let everyone know that is all she had eaten that day.

My MIL does this too. Endless discussion about her food intake. Pushing around of food at the table, one or two bites eaten. I don't care, but it's kind of fascinating to watch how a whole meal can go by with her taking just 2-3 bites. Sometimes she picks up a forkful of food, waves it around, speaks, then puts it back down for another 5-10 minutes. It's kind of mesmerizing.

When visiting our house it's, "I'll have to skip dinners next week and just do cheese and crackers for dinner after this week of eating!". We are all thin, active and eat normal meals.

It kinda seems like you’re paying a lot of attention to her eating. Why not just ignore? I’m too busy stuffing my face to notice anyone else’s eating habits.

It “kinda seems” like she’s purposely drawing attention to herself by constantly repeating her reports of how little she’s eating, looking for responses and childish validation. Why doesn’t she just not do that?

+1 Why do older women make a contest out of how little they can eat? It can be jarring and obvious if you are exposed to the begavior for the first time.

I don’t think most older women do this. I know a lot of older women and not one of them does this.

My MIL does this. I like to encourage it to an absurd degree like “yes, you’re right. You’re the smallest! You’re so delicate! Like a little tiny bird. Careful everybody, don’t step on grandma! She’s so tiny! Do you want a booster seat?”