Anonymous wrote:I have a 12 year old DD and I could have written your post, OP. I’m confused, too, but trying to be non-judgmental. I don’t care who identifies as what, but for this age group it all feels very internet-driven.

+1 - dealing with this with both of my girls - 14 and 10. I have posted here about it previously.

I'm supportive, but firm about the idea that they are too young to make any permanent decisions. I refused to buy a chest binder for my 14 year old. She has largely returned to being a girl, but is still a bit uncomfortable with her developing body. 10 year old has friends calling her by a gender neutral name. She has not asked me to use this name. I don't think I would agree to it at this point simply based on my point above - too young to make any permanent decisions.

I have also tried to talk to them about the fact that they are being heavily influenced by the internet/culture and while we should all be accepting we should also be aware of outside influences on how we think about things. This is trickier because it can sound unsupportive but I feel like it's important for them to question the source and content of what they are seeing/reading.

From an adult perspective I feel like the entire gender dysphoria discussion in teens/tweens is hugely overrepresentative of how many actual transgender people exist in society. The sexuality discussions are a little different, but I think it's this generation's edginess.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

There’s a huge difference between adults dressing as they choose and going to social events, and medically transitioning children and young adults. It’s not even close.

And no one, literally no one will force you to medically transition your child. Trans is just the new proxy for the culture wars. You either can see that or you can't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

No. Not this, nothing like this.

You're not right. Rewriting the past isn't helpful.

What do you mean? Trans people have always existed. Non-binary people have too but honestly were usually sort of forced to "pick a side". I mean it's not just the past. There are people who were trans in the 80s and still alive. I. Very confused by your firm, 100% positive assertion that this didn't exist before. It did. Because people alive today can tell you their stories. It's just it was not acceptable to say it out loud or live it out in the open except in very narrow sets of circumstances prior to this moment. I'd argue it's largely still not on the whole for queer youth.

+1.

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

There’s a huge difference between adults dressing as they choose and going to social events, and medically transitioning children and young adults. It’s not even close.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

No. Not this, nothing like this.

You're not right. Rewriting the past isn't helpful.

What do you mean? Trans people have always existed. Non-binary people have too but honestly were usually sort of forced to "pick a side". I mean it's not just the past. There are people who were trans in the 80s and still alive. I. Very confused by your firm, 100% positive assertion that this didn't exist before. It did. Because people alive today can tell you their stories. It's just it was not acceptable to say it out loud or live it out in the open except in very narrow sets of circumstances prior to this moment. I'd argue it's largely still not on the whole for queer youth.

Anonymous wrote:Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

No. Not this, nothing like this.

You're not right. Rewriting the past isn't helpful.

Here is the thing... All this is not new. AT ALL. it's always existed, just it existed in the shadows. In invisible universes that weren't part of mainstream society but still very much a thing and alive. Think of the NYC balls and what not in the. 80s and 90s. It was there it was just forced to be hidden

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:*sitting at home

Seriously, if this generation of middle schoolers are the center of a giant social experiment, they are wasting a valuable population of people incredibly bored and self focused for a solid year.

OP, they are labeling themselves in their pre-teens and early teens because we have created a label for anything and made it known it's acceptable. Do what I do as a parent, "That's nice, dear. I'm glad you are figuring it all out. If you need to talk, let me know."

and keep moving. I have 5 kids and the younger two are going through this while the older 3 are looking at them like they are a different species. Because they are. They are 2020 pre-teens with an Instagram account.

Sorry but I’m not taking advice from a parent who lets their tweens have Instagram accounts…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 13 and her friends are also discussing gender and sexual orientation, all coming out etc.

As we were discussing the topic, I told her that everything is ok with me but that I thought that as young teens that are going through puberty, changing and discovering themselves it seems to me that they were spending an inordinate amount of time trying to label something in flux.

Maybe they should not worry so much about labels and see how they feel and what they like as the years go by. That their tastes will become clear to them as they meet people they are attracted to or not. No need to decide at age 12. After all, I do not know how I feel about bondage as I never tried.

Also I suggested that maybe this is spending a lot of time overthinking about themselves, their identity etc... and maybe spending a bit more time thinking about others and how to help others and be a good citizen would be more productive.

+1

+100

Omg so this! This navel gazing narcissism is driving me crazy.

+1000000000000000000000000000

This age group is known for navel gazing narcissism anyway, but the age of social media is just enhancing it by lionizing it, focusing it, and normalizing it. Instead of it being a phase, it becomes a way of being that carries on into adulthood. It makes me want to yak.

We need to stop the focus on all the labeling. We need to keep prompting them to look outward.

Anonymous wrote:*sitting at home

Seriously, if this generation of middle schoolers are the center of a giant social experiment, they are wasting a valuable population of people incredibly bored and self focused for a solid year.

OP, they are labeling themselves in their pre-teens and early teens because we have created a label for anything and made it known it's acceptable. Do what I do as a parent, "That's nice, dear. I'm glad you are figuring it all out. If you need to talk, let me know."

and keep moving. I have 5 kids and the younger two are going through this while the older 3 are looking at them like they are a different species. Because they are. They are 2020 pre-teens with an Instagram account.

*sitting at home

This generation has been sitting at joke bored for a year online. It’s going to be a weird group of adults. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 13 and her friends are also discussing gender and sexual orientation, all coming out etc.

As we were discussing the topic, I told her that everything is ok with me but that I thought that as young teens that are going through puberty, changing and discovering themselves it seems to me that they were spending an inordinate amount of time trying to label something in flux.

Maybe they should not worry so much about labels and see how they feel and what they like as the years go by. That their tastes will become clear to them as they meet people they are attracted to or not. No need to decide at age 12. After all, I do not know how I feel about bondage as I never tried.

Also I suggested that maybe this is spending a lot of time overthinking about themselves, their identity etc... and maybe spending a bit more time thinking about others and how to help others and be a good citizen would be more productive.

+1

+100

Omg so this! This navel gazing narcissism is driving me crazy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD 13 and her friends are also discussing gender and sexual orientation, all coming out etc.

As we were discussing the topic, I told her that everything is ok with me but that I thought that as young teens that are going through puberty, changing and discovering themselves it seems to me that they were spending an inordinate amount of time trying to label something in flux.

Maybe they should not worry so much about labels and see how they feel and what they like as the years go by. That their tastes will become clear to them as they meet people they are attracted to or not. No need to decide at age 12. After all, I do not know how I feel about bondage as I never tried.

Also I suggested that maybe this is spending a lot of time overthinking about themselves, their identity etc... and maybe spending a bit more time thinking about others and how to help others and be a good citizen would be more productive.

+1

+100

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should seriously look this up on Wikipedia instead of tossing the dice in DCUM. You will get some terrible information from commenters here.

Because Wikipedia is the source of all wisdom and truth?

Hilarious.