Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we will see a rapid uptake in divorces

Depends. With enough economic instability, people might hang on longer.

+1 I think you'll see a lot more people hanging on for the healthcare benefits if their spouse has a stable job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

Nope, sorry, but you have blinders on. There is SO much vitriol from stay at home moms who accuse working moms of "abandoning their kids in daycares" and ask why they bothered to have kids at all. You sound like a fool for blaming one group more than the other.

I have been on both sides and it’s definitely nastier from WOH, 100%. UMC circle though where you don’t get a lot of SAHMs that don’t use housekeeper or preschool, so there’s not much of the “letting other people raise your kids” narrative since most use some form of childcare themselves and see the merits of it.

I've been on both sides as well and it's definitely nastier from the SAHMs, 100%. So there you go. "How could you abandon your child to go back to work?" "I love my child way more than I love any job I've ever had." "It's so sad when people value their job over their kids." "Not a full-time parent, not raising your kids." Just stop. I don't care where YOU have heard it from more, just like it doesn't matter where I have heard it from more. It is bad from both sides. No side is better off here. Stop acting like it is. You sound ridiculous.

+1
"If you want to leave your kid with some low-wage childcare worker..."

Keep it classy SAHMs!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

Nope, sorry, but you have blinders on. There is SO much vitriol from stay at home moms who accuse working moms of "abandoning their kids in daycares" and ask why they bothered to have kids at all. You sound like a fool for blaming one group more than the other.

I have been on both sides and it’s definitely nastier from WOH, 100%. UMC circle though where you don’t get a lot of SAHMs that don’t use housekeeper or preschool, so there’s not much of the “letting other people raise your kids” narrative since most use some form of childcare themselves and see the merits of it.

I've been on both sides as well and it's definitely nastier from the SAHMs, 100%. So there you go. "How could you abandon your child to go back to work?" "I love my child way more than I love any job I've ever had." "It's so sad when people value their job over their kids." "Not a full-time parent, not raising your kids." Just stop. I don't care where YOU have heard it from more, just like it doesn't matter where I have heard it from more. It is bad from both sides. No side is better off here. Stop acting like it is. You sound ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

Nope, sorry, but you have blinders on. There is SO much vitriol from stay at home moms who accuse working moms of "abandoning their kids in daycares" and ask why they bothered to have kids at all. You sound like a fool for blaming one group more than the other.

I have been on both sides and it’s definitely nastier from WOH, 100%. UMC circle though where you don’t get a lot of SAHMs that don’t use housekeeper or preschool, so there’s not much of the “letting other people raise your kids” narrative since most use some form of childcare themselves and see the merits of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

Nope, sorry, but you have blinders on. There is SO much vitriol from stay at home moms who accuse working moms of "abandoning their kids in daycares" and ask why they bothered to have kids at all. You sound like a fool for blaming one group more than the other.

Anonymous wrote:I think we will see a rapid uptake in divorces

Depends. With enough economic instability, people might hang on longer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

+2 Completely agree, but I'll specify that it's vitriol I see on DCUM. I never see these mommy wars in real life. Maybe people just keep these vehement beliefs to themselves, or maybe it's a DC thing (I have moved away to a different area).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

The self-hatred is on both sides. When I was a SAHM —twice and in two different communities—, there was a lot of criticism of moms who worked FT. I was really shocked by it because I certainly intended to return to work sooner rather than later and didn’t appreciate the insinuation that I was going to neglect my child or that I found children boring and was “chasing excitement”. It made me feel very isolated from the other SAHM and in the case of my younger child, was why I planned to start working FTOH earlier than with the older one.

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

+1. I see nastiness on both sides, but the vitriol from the working moms is on another level. Thinking sahms are worthless, don’t contribute to society, really? You have to have a deep sense of self hatred and raging jealousy to have such strong feelings about anyone else.

This has certainly been educational.

My friends (mostly not in DC or major metros) are just ordinary people. Not a single one has ever been on a private jet, never mind owning one. They about uniformly live modest lives. Among the moms, there are ones that work because they have to, and ones that work because they want to. Among SAHMs, there are ones that do it because they want to, and ones that do it because they have to. The reasons for their decisions are disparate, but rarely made without a lot of thought.

What I have found is that while there is often more angst about lost time among those that work (especially if they have to), there is similar amount of angst about financial problems among the SAH moms. There is no utopia, unless you’re exceedingly wealthy, in which case, your choices will likely not have dire consequences.

Personally, I work, and I want to work. When I retire, I will still need to do something that keeps my brain occupied. I’m just thankful to be in a place where I have choices.

Anonymous wrote:I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

I have been both. The nastiness goes both ways, trust me. If you believe it's only one way, you are likely perpetuating it or participating. Or dishonest.

I have never met a SAHM who cares if anyone else works or not. The number of WOHMs here, however, that invent weird narratives about SAHMs who live pitiful existences and are miserably married is truly remarkable. No one accused you of anything, but the hostile attacks on SAHMs reeks of mom guilt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honest Q, if you sah, do you feel your children have a superior childhood?

actually yes. But I know the reality is that they have a superior childhood because my husband makes a lot of money. So that means private school, college is taken care of, we take them on fabulous vacations all over the world, they get private tennis, ski, swim, and music lessons, cool summer camps, all the tech they want, etc. And they have a mom at home who greets them at the door, runs them around to activities, hosts the play dates, volunteers in their schools, makes a home cooked meal every night, makes sure the house is nice and tidy, keeps on top of their homework schedules, etc.

I mean, yeah it's better. It's definitely better than what they had when I was working, which was a harried mom juggling too many balls.

I hope you're not raising boys, because they'll be a real treat to be married to. Or girls, for that matter, since then they'll think that's what they have to do.

Wow, why so triggered by someone who is making life nice and peaceful and enriching for her kids? Isn't that what we all want, deep down?

Who doesn't want to come home to a welcoming mom at the door with a snack or a hot meal on the table at dinner time? What kid doesn't want to do multiple activities of their choice?

Wouldn't it be better if the kids came home to a PARENT at the door with a snack and a PARENT who made a hot meal for dinner and a PARENT who takes the kid to multiple activities?

Agree with this completely. I like that me working makes it so the kids see equal amounts of both parents. DH gets them ready in the morning and drops off at school. I finish up early and meet them at the bus stop. Grandparents help out by filling in if either of our work schedules get crazy one week. It’s great for them to have a dad who’s actively involved in their lives. Ideally families with a SAHM would have this as well, but I find that all too often the DH uses his breadwinner status to avoid a lot of childcare and just pop in at bedtime. Hence the kids get used to going to mom for everything, which is not great IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Laughing at the insinuation that all sahms live a kardashian lifestyle. Puhlease ladies.

Right good lord. Such delusional morons.

We are a dual income 600 k plus family and we are not “wealthy” by any stretch. Almost all of the SAHMs I know in my community in Bethesda - and I have many sahm friends - didn’t earn enough for it to make sense for them to pay for child care. That’s true for 98% of the sahms posting on here, I have no doubt at all. Teachers, paralegals, HR people etc. Its not some moral high ground choice. Back walking it into one is so tiring and transparent. And if one more of you posts one of those “and just like that nobody ever asks a SAHM what they do all day ever again” just know we are all - all - rolling our eyes so hard. Do you do our jobs and homeschool too? No? So okay, not the same. Goodness. Nobody wants to fight about it just stop marrying yourself all over the place.

I agree. All of the SAHMs I know fall into one of these categories:
- Wouldn’t make enough to “pay” for childcare (ignoring the fact that childcare *should be* a shared expense),
- Dealing with a difficult situation (SN child, ailing parent)
- Have a spouse who works or travels a lot and is generally not around

I am Stanford educated and know many Ivy-educated women, but I just don’t see very many outside these categories who stay at home for extended periods of time.

Anonymous wrote:For the rabidly judgmental (on both sides) posters-i really don’t think this is good for you all mentally. If you have a therapist consider mentioning how angry you get on here and ask for help working through it.

+1