My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn't stop being misogynist...

And that's when I let her know that I'm the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of the Mancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.

Anonymous wrote:What did the Buddhist monk sat to the Tofu Hotdog vendor?

"Please make we one with everything."

And when the monk paid and asked for his change, the vendor said, "Change must come from within."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you make a dead baby float?

Two scoops of ice cream two scoops of dead baby.

I can’t imagine anyone finding this the least bit funny.

Then your imagination is as stunted as your sense of humor.

Where do mansplainers get their water?


From a well, actually

Some say that I'm condescending.



That means I talk down to people.

What did the Buddhist monk sat to the Tofu Hotdog vendor?

"Please make we one with everything."

Best movie/book quote humor

(can't remember where this one came from)

Husband gets home from work--

Wife: "How was your day."
Husband: "Fine."
Wife: "You never tell me anything."
Husband: "I just did."


A River Runs Through It--

"They were Methodists, a denomination my father referred to as 'Baptists who could read.'"

Anonymous wrote:What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

A hippo is a big heavy animal and a zippo is a little lighter.

lol

You left out Fox News-for people who wish they ran the country but don’t read

Who reads what paper...........


1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2.The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3.The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4.USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times.

5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8.The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9.The Chicago Tribune is read by people that are in prison that used to run the state, & would like to do so again, as would their constituents that are currently free on bail.

10.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

11.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheists, and those who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

12.The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

13.The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

Anonymous wrote:Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God says "That's not funny." “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

Is this joke "better" or more philosophical if Soloman says at the end..."I guess you should have been there." ?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

(Pp again. I'm taking about the one he tells Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars. Google it and watch the video clip. It plays better out loud than on paper, imo)

Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God doesn’t laugh. “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

I'm Jewish and I laughed out loud.

Think about this some more, I think you missed the point. Solomon is criticizing G@d.

For not lending a Hand during the massacre, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does the cowboy take his trash?
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump

???????

When you say the punchline in your head, try singing it to the tune of the Lone Ranger theme song.

AKA the William Tell Overture

Is this a super old people thing? Boomers? I'm 40 and have zero idea what either of these are.

It's unusual for you not to know William Tell Overture or The Lone Ranger. Did you not grow up in the US? Or maybe you didn't watch TV growing up? I'm 45, so it's not like I was watching the Lone Ranger in it's prime. But it's a widely known and used pop culture reference. And the song is in countless cartoons. My 7yo recognizes it, so it's not a generational thing.

I'm the AKA PP. I agree that it is unusual that you don't know either of those references. No, it's not just a super old thing.

The William Tell Overture is one of the most well known pieces of classical music and has been used for many media productions (of various media forms), the Lone Ranger being one of the most well known. But The William Tell Overture is played for many 4th of July fireworks festivals and is frequently used as an underscore to shows, comedies and cartoons. If you listen to it, I'm betting you'll recognize it and realize that you knew it, but just didn't know the name.

Once someone disparages a thing as "super old people" or "Boomer" they're highly unlikely to back down. Better to look like a jerk than an idiot.

I'm the clueless 40 yo PP. I was testing about boomer I accept I was incorrect, I just did not know what it was called. Happy to be educated! Thank you - and now that I youtubed it and played it, my toddler is watching firework videos on my phone haha!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

(Pp again. I'm taking about the one he tells Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars. Google it and watch the video clip. It plays better out loud than on paper, imo)

Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God doesn’t laugh. “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

I'm Jewish and I laughed out loud.

Think about this some more, I think you missed the point. Solomon is criticizing G@d.

swoooooooooooooosh

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love that Ricky Gervais joke about the Holocaust. It's very specifically pointing out the horror of it.

(Pp again. I'm taking about the one he tells Jerry Seinfeld in Comedians in Cars. Google it and watch the video clip. It plays better out loud than on paper, imo)

Solomon, an elderly Holocaust survivor, dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he asks to tell God a joke. God agrees and Solomon tells the Almighty a Holocaust joke. When he’s finished, God doesn’t laugh. “I guess you had to be there,” Solomon says.

I'm Jewish and I laughed out loud.

Think about this some more, I think you missed the point. Solomon is criticizing G@d.