OP, listen. You are an amazing person and an amazing parent. All these feelings you are having all at once? I don't know how you couldn't have them. This person you're growing is going to let you know who they are in so many ways, and I'm willing to bet you are going to be over the moon in love with them. Much love.

OP those doctor reports can cause a LOT of excess stress. When your baby is here you can rethink all of this. Right now is not the time to cross this bridge. It may not be as impactful as it seems at this moment.

You are pretty amazing PP. I think the doctors and your H are really fortunate to be able to compartmentalize all of this until your baby arrives, but it is completely totally understandable that you are worried about your child. So much love to you.

Is this the condition OP's child has?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XX_male_syndrome

Hugs to you, OP. It’s a tough situation and your feelings make absolute sense to me. There is a loss in there, and that complicates what is (often, hopefully) a purely joyful experience. Even if we don’t as parents have specific expectations for our kids during pregnancy, we can believe and even pretend that everything will be typical. This pregnancy isn’t that for you, and that’s not easy. It’s fine to grieve or feel however it is you do feel. And even though therapy takes time, I do hope that your health care providers will help you find that support once you’re ready for it. Random, hard things happen in life, and it’s not fair. Not at all.

Congrats on all the awesome things you’re doing, like kicking GD’s ass and growing a baby. I’m thinking of you!

Anonymous wrote:Of course you are feeling emotional and worried. Anyone who says they wouldn't be having that reaction is lying! Like many of the previous posters have said, I wish i knew you in real life so that i could give you a hug and help you and tell you that I would be there to help you through it. Do you have a good support system? Would you consider finding a counselor now? You need support and the ability to air and work through your feelings without feeling guilty about them. I am wishing you the absolute best and sending you virtual hugs.

I definitely hear what people are saying about finding a counselor now and I'm not dismissing it, it honestly just feels like it would be one more thing on my to-do list and I just don't have the bandwidth right now. I'm already sick of appointments, phone calls, tasks, etc. and hardly have anything together as it is (I swear I'm going to pack my hospital bag today . . . ). I can manage another couple of weeks and then reassess, I think.

Anonymous wrote:OP, kicking GD's ass is not a small victory. That's a great thing for you and your baby!

I feel you on having a hard time deferring an emotional reaction right now. It seems extremely unreasonable to expect you to defer a reaction until you know what reaction to have. You are reacting to the uncertainty, the flip-flopping, the confusion. I imagine it would be triggering every time, working hard to find an equilibrium only to have it smashed with every ultrasound.

It seems like it might be helpful to be in touch with the psychological resources NOW, not after the baby comes. What do you think of that?

I think it is really unfair that everyone (husband, doctors) is expecting you to table your reaction until the baby gets here. It is obviously a really different situation, but if you found out during your 20 week ultrasound that your baby had a genetic condition that would result in profound special needs, you'd be connected with a counselor to process that right away. Why is that not happening for you now?

My best guess is that no one knows precisely what resource to direct me to since we don't have a diagnosis, so it's not on anyone's radar at the moment - not the doctors, anyway. In terms of generalized counseling, it's been my own choice (maybe a poor one!) not to prioritize seeking that out right now; I've got a toddler, a full-time job, side projects that take up a lot of time, so the additional effort of finding a mental health provider and then going to yet more appointments hasn't seemed worthwhile to me since I'm mostly ok. That calculus may change once I'm on maternity leave and at least not dealing with work every day.

Of course you are feeling emotional and worried. Anyone who says they wouldn't be having that reaction is lying! Like many of the previous posters have said, I wish i knew you in real life so that i could give you a hug and help you and tell you that I would be there to help you through it. Do you have a good support system? Would you consider finding a counselor now? You need support and the ability to air and work through your feelings without feeling guilty about them. I am wishing you the absolute best and sending you virtual hugs.

OP, kicking GD's ass is not a small victory. That's a great thing for you and your baby!

I feel you on having a hard time deferring an emotional reaction right now. It seems extremely unreasonable to expect you to defer a reaction until you know what reaction to have. You are reacting to the uncertainty, the flip-flopping, the confusion. I imagine it would be triggering every time, working hard to find an equilibrium only to have it smashed with every ultrasound.

It seems like it might be helpful to be in touch with the psychological resources NOW, not after the baby comes. What do you think of that?

I think it is really unfair that everyone (husband, doctors) is expecting you to table your reaction until the baby gets here. It is obviously a really different situation, but if you found out during your 20 week ultrasound that your baby had a genetic condition that would result in profound special needs, you'd be connected with a counselor to process that right away. Why is that not happening for you now?

Hugs, op. Uncertainty is hard, and harder for some more than others. I would feel the same as you in your shoes. Saying a prayer and wishing you well in these last days of your pregnancy, and hopping for a positive outcome, whatever that might end up being.

OP here. 38 weeks and we just had another ultrasound, and like clockwork it seems I've lost my equilibrium again. Nothing is different, it just seems that reading the doctor's summary afterward saying the baby's appearance is "consistent with a male finding" or describing the genitalia is some kind of trigger for me. (For anyone new to the thread, no, I don't just hate male babies - tests showed the baby is genetically female, so what we've got is a person with XX chromosomes who inexplicably now has male external genitalia.)

I'm just so sad and can't understand why this is happening, and I'm also sad about being sad if that makes sense. With the very real physical labor ahead of me and the upcoming adjustment to having two kids, feeling like I'm not going into it with a positive attitude is really frightening. Like how am I going to cope with labor pain and being sleep deprived and wrangling a toddler and a newborn, all of which is quite hard on its own, if I'm sad and scared on top of it? It feels quite lonely, also, since my husband is pretty much just like "Well, we don't know anything yet and can't currently do anything, so I'll just calmly wait and see what happens." He claims not to be judging me for my emotional reaction, but in some ways I can't help but feel like he thinks it's a sign of weakness that I can't just put off having feelings until there's sufficient information, whatever that means. I may be/am probably projecting. But I suppose even in the absence of information, I'm responding to what feels like a real loss for me - like I've lost my innocence and the uncomplicated joy and excitement that you'd hope a pregnancy would bring, and am mourning the idea of perfectly healthy/normal baby. Once the baby is here I think the doctors who are experienced with this will put us in touch with some psychological support resources, so I'll definitely avail myself of those since having a mom who's a mild-to-moderate basketcase won't help the baby no matter what's going on. In the meantime, I just hope I can pull myself back together in time for the birth. Thankfully there are no more ultrasounds scheduled, so we're just in countdown mode now.

On the bright side, I am kicking gestational diabetes's ass, and the baby is totally normal size. Small victories, right?

I’m glad for your update, OP, and sending you all the very best in these last days of your pregnancy. GBS- is a great thing!! I hope you’re feeling as comfortable as possible; being very pregnant in a DC summer is no joke. Hang in there!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to say, OP, that never in the embarrassingly long time I've visited this website have I ever wanted to meet a poster until this thread. I've been following it from the start and just wanted to tell you that I think you are AWESOME and wish you nothing but the best in life.

OP again - Thank you! That's so nice. This thread really puts a smile on my face, it's been such a wellspring of support.

In other news, I finally caught a break this pregnancy: no Group B strep! I had it before and know it's not a huge deal, but I'll take any wins I can get this time around.

That's great .. One less thing to have to worry about. It sounds like you're pretty close to meeting your little one.

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to say, OP, that never in the embarrassingly long time I've visited this website have I ever wanted to meet a poster until this thread. I've been following it from the start and just wanted to tell you that I think you are AWESOME and wish you nothing but the best in life.

OP again - Thank you! That's so nice. This thread really puts a smile on my face, it's been such a wellspring of support.

In other news, I finally caught a break this pregnancy: no Group B strep! I had it before and know it's not a huge deal, but I'll take any wins I can get this time around.

I just wanted to say, OP, that never in the embarrassingly long time I've visited this website have I ever wanted to meet a poster until this thread. I've been following it from the start and just wanted to tell you that I think you are AWESOME and wish you nothing but the best in life.