Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through this entire thread. But the heart of the issue for me is the introduction of an element into my child’s life without permission from a fellow parent. I understand everyone moves at a different pace; some parents have different preferences and beliefs. Out of respect for that, as someone in a close enough personal circle to leave my child under your supervision, I would expect to be informed about what my child is being exposed to. Everyone parents uniquely for their child and may prepare/respond differently if they have a heads up about it, or the right to decline.

It doesn’t matter if I think he Mom is uptight for making a big deal about something I don’t give second thought to. It’s about respecting others boundaries with their child, and not judging or deciding whether it’s okay to pierce/dye/paint/curse at my pace vs theirs as a parent.

Not all parents want their 13 year olds doing the same types of things. Different children face different challenges and opportunities. Understanding this, It’s a welcome courtesy to give specifics on party activities to all parents.

Yes, I would be upset. But not for too long. It would be a teaching moment for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read through this entire thread. But the heart of the issue for me is the introduction of an element into my child’s life without permission from a fellow parent. I understand everyone moves at a different pace; some parents have different preferences and beliefs. Out of respect for that, as someone in a close enough personal circle to leave my child under your supervision, I would expect to be informed about what my child is being exposed to. Everyone parents uniquely for their child and may prepare/respond differently if they have a heads up about it, or the right to decline.

It doesn’t matter if I think he Mom is uptight for making a big deal about something I don’t give second thought to. It’s about respecting others boundaries with their child, and not judging or deciding whether it’s okay to pierce/dye/paint/curse at my pace vs theirs as a parent.

Not all parents want their 13 year olds doing the same types of things. Different children face different challenges and opportunities. Understanding this, It’s a welcome courtesy to give specifics on party activities to all parents.

Yes, I would be upset. But not for too long. It would be a teaching moment for everyone.

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Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

Wow. Why on earth would you need to *run this* by your husband?? It is not his hair or body. What if he had objected? Would you not have done it?

Anonymous wrote:I would be bothered that I wasn't told ahead of time. That's rather inconsiderate of the host parents. But overall, I'd be fine if it did occur. I would have a talk with my child about alcohol and make up when she returned.

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Anonymous wrote:would you all be good if I gave your kids those fake candy cigarettes that were popular is the 70's? we loved pretending we were so cool smoking them. and yes, I did end up being a smoker because I did think it was cool. don't smoke now but based on my experience, I would not want to glamorize drinking. give them the drink but dont let them think it is a margarita.

I got that fake candy cigarettes in the late 1990s and have never smoked a cigarette. You smoked because you are old and didnt knoe better back then. You are probably old enough to be my mom. Different times.

Actually it was already pretty well-established in the 1970s, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, that cigarettes were bad for you.

-a dinosaur

Fellow dino here. It was well established, yes. When we outgrew candy smokes we went to the same store and bought the real ones if we were so inclined.

We knew better.

+1. The Brady Bunch even did an episode of Greg getting caught smoking. Carol even said that we know so much more about how smoking is bad for your health. This was 1971.

Leave it to Beaver also did an episode with Wally smoking. I remember June being upset with Wally smoking because it was bad. Not sure if the reason for bad was because of health reasons or because only bad kids smoked and how could Wally be bad? This must have been late 50's or 60's. Regardless, the message was the same even back then - smoking was bad.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:would you all be good if I gave your kids those fake candy cigarettes that were popular is the 70's? we loved pretending we were so cool smoking them. and yes, I did end up being a smoker because I did think it was cool. don't smoke now but based on my experience, I would not want to glamorize drinking. give them the drink but dont let them think it is a margarita.

I got that fake candy cigarettes in the late 1990s and have never smoked a cigarette. You smoked because you are old and didnt knoe better back then. You are probably old enough to be my mom. Different times.

Actually it was already pretty well-established in the 1970s, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, that cigarettes were bad for you.

-a dinosaur

Fellow dino here. It was well established, yes. When we outgrew candy smokes we went to the same store and bought the real ones if we were so inclined.

We knew better.

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Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? [b]when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

Wow. Why on earth would you need to *run this* by your husband?? It is not his hair or body. What if he had objected? Would you not have done it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter went to a party with an Indian friend and came home with henna all over her arms. I was not pleased that we had something that lasted weeks without checking with us first.

How old was your daughter when this happened?

And why on earth would it bother you? Afraid of what people would think? Why do they need to check with you when it's completely safe, does your daughter have no autonomy?

you rreally need to ask this question??? I would be livid as I would be livid if she came home from a party where they had their hair cut or got their ears or nose pierced. What if the child was participating in a wedding or getting a class picture? No, t hi is is not a.decision another parent or my child can make.without running or by me, no matter how safe it is. would you be good with your child coming home with fake tattoos all over them, or blue hair the day before a funeral? when I highlighted my hair, I ran it by my husband not because I need his permission but so he is at least aware of what I'm doing. it is common courtesy.

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Anonymous wrote:Are people just getting hung up on the label "mocktail"? Seriously, drinks without alcohol have been around since the beginning of time and people slowly started adding alcohol to them.
Nothing wrong with smoothies, which is basically what a pina colada and daquari are with no alcohol.
Why can't kids have fun drinks for parties? Juice is just sangria with no wine.

When you start looking for problems i guarantee you will find them every time.

Yup, they are clearly hung up on the label. If the host had offered "coconut slushies" or "frozen limeade" or "strawberry smoothies," that would be okay, but calling them virgin pina coladas, margaritas, or daiquiris is somehow crossing a line.

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Anonymous wrote:did we ever find out that the hostess called them "mocktails"?

or is that just OP calling them that.

OP, don't be this mom. your daughter will most likely rebel, if not now, in college. At most, decline invites but don't engage like this with the other mom. Talk with your therapist about this. I struggle to with my DD who is my oldest (not about this but other things) but it isn't fair to freak out over this.

I'll never forget being punished for swimming at a birthday party (in clothes and they weren't fancy) Everyone for fun jumped in. My dad was irate and I was grounded at 10/11 for the rest of the weekend. Just for being fancy free and having fun. I had to stress out over every little thing after that and hid sooo much

OP here - yes the mom told the girls they had mocktail options to pick from while getting hair, make up, and nails done. Explained what mocktails were to the girls who didn’t know.

Yeah, not cool. They get enough encouragement from media and peers.

I guess my husband and I, along with our neighbors and friends are all terrible parents. When we get together, we always make a version of our alcoholic drink for the kids, and there are usually between 10-20 kids in each get together. So if we make margaritas, Caipirinhas or pina coladas, we'll make one virgin drink version for each kid. They love it. Last time my friend made a delicious virgin sangria for the kids while we drank wine. Seriously, lighten up people.

Gross. That reminds me of when people throw proms for preschoolers and get them all dolled up. Trashy. Let kids be kids. Some things are reserved for adults. Why do parents have such a hard time with that? Boundaries.

So making the kids the same festive drink as the parents is not letting kids be kids? Interesting. We do something similar at our family get togethers. Huge family, lots of kids, and we mix grape juice with carbonated water for them when we drink wine or champagne so that we can all make a toast. I'm pretty sure all our kids are healthy kids. I'm actually going to copy the PPs idea of making them virgin pina coladas, I'm sure they'll love it this summer!