I remember being spanked just a few times and the overwhelming feeling I remember is humiliation. What is much more clear to me of then many many times my parents spanked my siblings (7 and 10 years younger than me.) I was enraged every time. It's awful to see someone striking a child and be powerless to protect them. Before you make assumptions that these must have been beatings, I expect most of the nutjobs on here advocating corporal punishment would describe what my parents did as spanking. I am not close to them and have no respect for them.

I've got a question for those of you who hit your children. Why is it always spanking? Why not tailor it to the offense? Is it acceptable to slap a child who speaks rudely to you? If not - why? It would teach them a lesson as well as hitting them on the ass. How about the woman who commented earlier that she pinches her children to discipline them. Is that OK? I'd think it would be handy. You could do it unobtrusively in public.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do spank. Never out of anger, however. I think that's the key- like PP said, there are a few things that are an automatic spanking in our house. Like any consequence, the kids KNOW why they are being spanked, and we discuss the issue before and after the correction. Hugs, kisses, and reflection on how we can do better next time. And then it's done, and we move on. No different than other consequences.

I am not a fan of the impromptu whack on the butt stuff.

Just to push your thinking here a bit, would you be okay if your kids hit someone even if it wasn't out of anger? If you have a discussion about why they are being spanked, it seems reasonable to leave it at that. I was hit/spanked by my mother and it's never a good thing to see your parent so out of control. It completely change our relationship, for the worse.

If my kids decided that they, as parents, will use spanking as a disciplinary measure, I AM okay with that.

What if they decide that corporal punishment is sometimes necessary to discipline the elderly when they lose the ability to reason? Will you be OK with that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like all the folks posting about having very bad memories of being spanked as a child, experienced more than what I consider spanking. Spanking is not when any kind of belt or object is used, it's a light open palmed smack that doesn't leave any mark, maybe some redness that goes away quickly.

I'm pretty sure they just have an agenda. Talk about this with people in real life, and everyone chuckles about it and says "I deserved it, too." Get on a debate online, and it's all "It was ssoooooooo traumatic."

It's possible that the people you know in real life are insensitive sadists who hit children to control them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the key is removing the emotion and anger from the spanking. There are a few things that are automatic spankings in our house- lying, disobeying, putting yourself or others in danger and being directly defiant. We're not just smacking kids whenever we feel like it - I think that's where the issue comes in. I always send the child to his/her room before being spanked so we can both cool down. THEN I or my husband goes in there and we have a matter of fact discussion about what went wrong, and why they are getting a spanking. We do do the over the lap style (or one son would rather lean over the bed)..one swat for each year the child is old. Afterwards the kid tell us what he learned and how he'll do better next time. Of course, hugs and kisses and we always tell the child how much we love them and how we know they can do better next time.

It's a teaching moment. We move on, the slate is wiped clean, and it's no big deal.

The hugs and kisses and telling the kid how much you love him after you hit him sets up a really weird sexual dynamic. Creepy to the max.

This happened in my house as a kid and I in no way found it to be a "really weird sexual dynamic" or "creepy to the max."

Interesting discussion. We do spank - not the ritualized kind (seems creepy and damaging) but a well-timed swat to the tush to get their attention? It happens.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spank but very rarely (once a month, maybe). It works, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about doing it. Sometimes it's the only thing that will get my kid to shape up.

I think on DCUM you'll find that a majority of the posters will tell you it's unnecessary and abusive.

that seems like a lot. I read that people notoriously under report how much they spank. All those "swats" on the behind count as spanking too. I think its closer to 17 times/week in reality. Ridiculous. And no we don't spank. You don't have to hit your kid to discpline them. Its low class.

+1
Exactly, it's low class...ever notice that the more education a parent has, the less likely they are to spank?

This is a very good point. I try to base my parenting decisions on what appears classy and not trashy. Besides, everyone knows that kids of the progressive affluent are very well-behaved and respectful.

I did it a handful of times when my daughter was in the terrible 3-5 year stage. Not hard and not often, but a few times, she was just so, so naughty that only a spank would turn it around. (I found that when she is being incredibly defiant, getting her to cry instead of scream was like the reset button and then we could move forward.)

The best part about the very, very rare spanking is that it gets a certain power to it. You can threaten to do it and never really have to do it because the behavior will improve if the threat is out there.

Now that she's almost 7, I don't think I've spanked her in a year or two. Now taking things away or not letting her watch spongebob is the threat that works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I spank but very rarely (once a month, maybe). It works, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel bad about doing it. Sometimes it's the only thing that will get my kid to shape up.

I think on DCUM you'll find that a majority of the posters will tell you it's unnecessary and abusive.

that seems like a lot. I read that people notoriously under report how much they spank. All those "swats" on the behind count as spanking too. I think its closer to 17 times/week in reality. Ridiculous. And no we don't spank. You don't have to hit your kid to discpline them. Its low class.

+1
Exactly, it's low class...ever notice that the more education a parent has, the less likely they are to spank?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot believe anyone does this in 2015.

Between 80-90% of parents report that they spank.

What's the source for this?

I don't actually personally know anyone of my generation (or younger) who spanks but that certainly doesn't mean none of them do but I'm having difficulty believing that that many of them spank.

Anonymous wrote:I have as a last resort when my kids were 5+. Open hand, never with an object.

My kid is 5 and recently I have really wanted too. (But I won't.)

I don't and don't plan to (3 YO DS), but there certainly have been times when he's done something that made me want to!

My mom hit me, only a handful of times, in response to a gut reaction to something I said or did. I don't think it was appropriate, and do not plan on using any form of corporal punishment with my children. DH was spanked as a child and does not think it was effective, and is at great odds with his mom who has kind of gone off the deep end since the kids left the house. So basically he wants to do the opposite of everything she did with our children. So we're on the same page there.

I don't want to know if parents I know spank, because I do believe it is abusive.

"No respect and yes respect is beaten into people not coddled "

Cuckoo bird.

Anonymous wrote:I understand now. The people posting that agree with spanking are white Republicans from the South who are born again Christians.

http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/americans-opinions-on-spanking-vary-by-party-race-region-and-religion/

You apparently didn't read your own article. Support for spankings is still 65% among non born again Christians. The demographic that uses it the most is African Americans, not born again Christians. Over half of Democrats support it, as does over half of those living in the Northeast.

I think you just like to stereotype people.

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don't think the "lay over my lap" then give hugs and kisses method is sadistic, I have seen blog posts of HUSBANDS doing this to their WIVES when they were "bad" and the wives thinking this was ok. Now I see why.

If my kid enjoys that kind of stuff when they're an adult, well that's their pergola tive.

Not very often, but it happens.