Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I'm not surprised by either PP's experience. I agree -- it was much more common in the previous generation to be a dr with a stay at home wife who never worked; in part they didn't need to, in part they likely didn't have a professional career they wanted to pursue anyway, and in part there was likely an agreement that the dr was too busy to deal with childcare types of things so those would be the wife's domain. Truth be told, I do know a few women who are like that now -- in their 30s. Their DREAM (and their parents' dream) was to bag a doctor. Once that happened -- ain't no way the wife was going to slog away and deal with corporate America. Their identities are very much wrapped up in being doctors' wives and they are very quick to tell everyone they meet that DH is a doctor. They have a very "image conscious" mentality -- esp the one I know who is a cardiologist's wife -- and have to have homes in the exact right neighborhoods; the right cars etc. though privately they'll admit that when they were going after a dr. they didn't realize that drs. don't make THAT much more than some other professions and in fact make less than investment bankers etc. One wife is in fact a lawyer but never practiced (or held any kind of job after law school) even for a day bc she graduated from a 3rd or 4th tier school and realized that it was easier to be a doctor's wife than to deal with the uphill struggle in law if you don't graduate from the "right" schools.

Though most dr. wives that I know who are in their 30s had their own professional goals and are pursuing them. One is married to an OB-GYN while she herself is in the management ranks for a Fortune 500 in computer science. One is married to a general ophthalmologist and is continuing to pursue her job at a non profit -- even though her take home doesn't necessarily even cover childcare. Another is a lawyer married to a cardiologist. I think the drs. who marry women who are more their "equals" in terms of profession are not shocked that the wife will want to work; they realize that the school age yrs with kids will be tough and there may need to be some outsourcing or part time arrangements or something -- but they don't necessarily just expect that a woman who is a computer science grad from MIT will suddenly say "nah -- being a dr's wife is easier, let me quit."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am tired of my striving, grasping DW. I have a great career, we have an enviable
HHI ($200K +) own two homes and have investments and savings, yet she is always complaining about not having "enough." It is very very frustrating and tiring. She is going to complain herself right into divorce if she does not STFU and appreciate how good she has it.

I hear ya.
We are in early 30s, Our HHI is over $250K, have $600k retirement, and almost paid off house in N. Arlington.
Dw still not happy and even said I wish you made more money.

Ungrateful bitch, you know what I sacrificed in my late 20s to get in this position.
Fock my life could be soaking it up with my soulmate in Vegas or at least snorting with some hooker.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I make my own money. Do you have a high paying career yourself?

+1 Don't play the role of the victim. You can create the kind of life you want for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I agree. Both my parents are doctors and we had a very comfortable living growing up, but times have changed. Medicine isn't as lucrative as it used to be.

"Like they had won the lottery." Haha. Doctors can make good money, but you're older when loans are paid off and they reach the peak of their careers later in life. If these women wanted to win the lottery, they should have dated guys on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Doctors don't make "won the lottery" money or "f*ck you money."

I don't know any doctors wives who work. We are all mid-30's.

I'd be curious the nationwide % of doctors' spouses working full-time. There are 12 doctors in my extended family (both parents are doctors) and in most cases, both spouses work...lots of 2 doctors though. My friend's wife is a doctor (mid-30s) and she only works part-time since my friend co-founded a small hedge fund.

Anonymous wrote:I am tired of my striving, grasping DW. I have a great career, we have an enviable
HHI ($200K +) own two homes and have investments and savings, yet she is always complaining about not having "enough." It is very very frustrating and tiring. She is going to complain herself right into divorce if she does not STFU and appreciate how good she has it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an adorable man who is sweet, kind and gentle. Despite his smarts, he isn't very financially motivated and chooses to pursue work that is "fun" and "interesting". I love him a lot, but resent that marrying him means we won't have the life I envisioned; nice house; private school for the children; being a stay at home mother, etc.

Am I wrong to feel this way?Does anyone else secretly wish this too? Did you consider your husband's financial prospects before saying " I do"?

Why don't you feel that it is your responsibility to make the money to pay for the life you envision?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I agree. Both my parents are doctors and we had a very comfortable living growing up, but times have changed. Medicine isn't as lucrative as it used to be.

"Like they had won the lottery." Haha. Doctors can make good money, but you're older when loans are paid off and they reach the peak of their careers later in life. If these women wanted to win the lottery, they should have dated guys on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Doctors don't make "won the lottery" money or "f*ck you money."

I don't know any doctors wives who work. We are all mid-30's.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.

Not any more. Maybe if you're of the older generation. I am married to a doctor and they come with huge student loans, and deferred savings. I remember being at a dinner with some older ladies and basically they were telling me how their lives were like the real housewives. And I was like..yeah that's not happening to me.

I agree. Both my parents are doctors and we had a very comfortable living growing up, but times have changed. Medicine isn't as lucrative as it used to be.

"Like they had won the lottery." Haha. Doctors can make good money, but you're older when loans are paid off and they reach the peak of their careers later in life. If these women wanted to win the lottery, they should have dated guys on Wall Street or Silicon Valley. Doctors don't make "won the lottery" money or "f*ck you money."

Anonymous wrote:I went out to dinner with my husband and several of his associates who were also MDs. I am a doctor. These men brought their wives to dinner. I didn't know them so I asked them what they did for a living. They outright tossed up their heads and laughed at me. They said, we don't work, WE'RE doctors wives. Like they had won the lottery. I was speechless.