Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

OP here. I think this is my takeaway from this thread. So thank you everyone - it's a valuable takeway and helped me process and move through this.

I actually believe my sister is pretty darn consistent with me on how we view family and I think we both agree that celebratory family gatherings like this present a tremendous opportunity and reward. But somehow sports in her kids' lives seem to trump everything for her for whatever various reasons. I can't tell her how her nuclear family should work, even when it impacts others. I can just be disappointed for me, my partner, my mom, my dad, my grandmother and others who all want my niece to be there with us, and even for my niece (because I subscribe to the fact that these types of moments can be a thread in the beautiful fabric that is a family over the years; sorry for the cheese!). And even for my sister who I am sure wishes she would not have forgotten the tournament and could have her kid in both places. But it is what it is. I told my mom to smack me upside the head if in 14 years I end up with a different outlook. She said she absolutely would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

OP here. I think this is my takeaway from this thread. So thank you everyone - it's a valuable takeway and helped me process and move through this.

I actually believe my sister is pretty darn consistent with me on how we view family and I think we both agree that celebratory family gatherings like this present a tremendous opportunity and reward. But somehow sports in her kids' lives seem to trump everything for her for whatever various reasons. I can't tell her how her nuclear family should work, even when it impacts others. I can just be disappointed for me, my partner, my mom, my dad, my grandmother and others who all want my niece to be there with us, and even for my niece (because I subscribe to the fact that these types of moments can be a thread in the beautiful fabric that is a family over the years; sorry for the cheese!). And even for my sister who I am sure wishes she would not have forgotten the tournament and could have her kid in both places. But it is what it is. I told my mom to smack me upside the head if in 14 years I end up with a different outlook. She said she absolutely would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

OP here. I think this is my takeaway from this thread. So thank you everyone - it's a valuable takeway and helped me process and move through this.

I actually believe my sister is pretty darn consistent with me on how we view family and I think we both agree that celebratory family gatherings like this present a tremendous opportunity and reward. But somehow sports in her kids' lives seem to trump everything for her for whatever various reasons. I can't tell her how her nuclear family should work, even when it impacts others. I can just be disappointed for me, my partner, my mom, my dad, my grandmother and others who all want my niece to be there with us, and even for my niece (because I subscribe to the fact that these types of moments can be a thread in the beautiful fabric that is a family over the years; sorry for the cheese!). And even for my sister who I am sure wishes she would not have forgotten the tournament and could have her kid in both places. But it is what it is. I told my mom to smack me upside the head if in 14 years I end up with a different outlook. She said she absolutely would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.
He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.
They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.
He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Lol this must be what nutty parents think will happen to justify the nuttiness. I played sports my entire life and through college at a D1 school and it was great, but this is quite the romanticized version of it. I was also in a sorority, travelled abroad, etc., and all of that was great too and I am sure contributed to who I am. So did my dad's sarcastic sense of humor and my ingrained family ethos that we show up for each other. Sports can be a piece of a puzzle, but it's not the whole puzzle. And, a lot of people have shitty sports experiences and would be better off having just foregone it. Or sports just weren't that influential (e.g., they sat the bench, didn't get too much joy from it, and never really played again post-high school). I have friends like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Lol. I hope this was sarcasm. People don't really think like that, do they?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Yup. All of my kids played sports and did other extracurriculars at least through HS (2 played in college) as did a lot of people in my extended family - their choice. My kid's lifelong friends are the folks they met through their activities. They person who wrote the most glowing recc letter for my oldest daughter's application to an elite research grad program was her HS swim coach. When my mother died, EVERY single member of my DS' travel baseball team attended the funeral. When my youngest DD had her out of town college music school audition, her HS director and her 3 best friends from band went with us on their own dime to support her. I am not saying that these activities were more important than family, but there is no way I can minimize their impact on my kids.

Sports was never the be all and end all in our family but it has been a net positive experience for the extended family as a whole. Everyone sees how being involved in these activities has helped our kids on so many fronts. My kids would go to the wedding and have a ball and that would always be a memory for them. What will also be a memory is the time they played a championship game in front of 2000 people and 40 family members attended. Or the time my oldest DD played in the select youth jazz band for the first time and 25 family members showed up. That mutual family support would be the reason my kids would gladly attend the wedding. We support each other as an extended family. We do not tell any of them that their chosen activity is insignificant or belittle them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

I agree it's a balance. You give to sports, it gives back. You give to family, it gives back. Skip the cousin's 23rd bday party, but attend the aunt's wedding. Skip the routine game, but attend the state championship.

Yup. All of my kids played sports and did other extracurriculars at least through HS (2 played in college) as did a lot of people in my extended family - their choice. My kid's lifelong friends are the folks they met through their activities. They person who wrote the most glowing recc letter for my oldest daughter's application to an elite research grad program was her HS swim coach. When my mother died, EVERY single member of my DS' travel baseball team attended the funeral. When my youngest DD had her out of town college music school audition, her HS director and her 3 best friends from band went with us on their own dime to support her. I am not saying that these activities were more important than family, but there is no way I can minimize their impact on my kids.

Sports was never the be all and end all in our family but it has been a net positive experience for the extended family as a whole. Everyone sees how being involved in these activities has helped our kids on so many fronts. My kids would go to the wedding and have a ball and that would always be a memory for them. What will also be a memory is the time they played a championship game in front of 2000 people and 40 family members attended. Or the time my oldest DD played in the select youth jazz band for the first time and 25 family members showed up. That mutual family support would be the reason my kids would gladly attend the wedding. We support each other as an extended family. We do not tell any of them that their chosen activity is insignificant or belittle them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.
He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.
They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.
He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Lol. I hope this was sarcasm. People don't really think like that, do they?

No. It's not a joke. You think these kids don't have tons of relationships they foster every day. This is actually a true story from a wedding I attended 2 years ago, right after the story of how the mom locked the team out in the snow for 2 hours because they got her floors wet for the 10th time.

Anonymous wrote:I'm waiting for the parents of preschoolers/babies to infiltrate this thread with their outrage.
Your sister is right. Your nephew can't miss this tournament.

Anonymous wrote:Obviously not a lot of Italians on this thread

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.

Lol. I hope this was sarcasm. People don't really think like that, do they?

No. It's not a joke. You think these kids don't have tons of relationships they foster every day. This is actually a true story from a wedding I attended 2 years ago, right after the story of how the mom locked the team out in the snow for 2 hours because they got her floors wet for the 10th time.

Oh, I didn't realize missing an early season tournament would ban the kid from fostering life long friendships. (THAT was sarcasm.)

Anonymous wrote:So I think this thread has shown us that different families work differently. For those who didn't already know that, here you go. Try not to be so horrified that everyone doesn't do everything like you would.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow. what an interesting debate. my kid is in KG, so i have no idea, but I thought that the OBVIOUS answer would have been that he skip the game.

Everything becomes less obvious as your children start to become their own people. If it isn't a soccer game it is something else. In the end, it is just a wedding. The bride got to decide when to have it and where to have it, and her guests get to decide if they can come. Her day won't be diminished by the loss of the kid. This answer goes for all kinds of reasons.

It would be nice if the kid could come, or wanted to come, but this just won't matter.

I don't agree with the highlight. To me it is,

In the end, it is just a pre-season tournament.

"just a wedding" isn't in our family's vocabulary and judging from many other parents here, I am glad I am in one of those "family" families

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One day that 14 year old - and the other "sports at all cost" 14 year olds will get married - and guess what - I bet nobody will think twice about blowing off their wedding(s). Because there's a great big difference between the all-me-all- the- time people and people that genuinely love and care about their family and friends. And I know this is true because everybody blew off one of my sisters 3 kids weddings because he grew up to be an entitled pompous ass and so was his wife. It was a packed house for the other two. End of story.

My guess is that he will have a huge wedding because he spend years fostering relationships with teammates. Long weekends in crappy hotels, trying to stay entertained between tournament games, sharing their Gatorade when their teammate forgot theirs.

He will have a hard time picking the best man since he has so many close friends.

They will all toast their friend who got cancer in high school and talk about the time the whole soccer team raised money for his recovery. They will dedicate a toast to him and his wife and 3 kids. At the wedding will be a coach or two that were mentors to him and helped him get his first job.

He will go onto to coach multiple sports teams and mentor many kids in his future... just for the love of it.