it is really hard -- harder than I ever imagined. But having kids is exactly what I wanted in my life. When they're screaming at me b/c I didn't give them the right sippy cup (or whatever), I joke to my husband, "Living the dream." But I am!

The question is ass-backwards.

The question is, will you suck as a parent? Or more to the point, is this something you really want and have the disposition for? Some people are cut out to have kids and some are not. It sounds harsh, but I suspect the whiny posters on here ("my life is gone!") are basically self-involved people who should not have had children. Kids do take a lot of work, so if you are all about yourself and your good time, by all means, please don't have kids. There are too many people out there who suck as parents, because they can't get over themselves or they can't handle taking care of anyone besides themselves and never should have had kids in the first place.

That said, there also are cases where unlucky circumstances present challenges that would be difficult for anyone to navigate.

For those of us that are happy with kids, I suspect we have different attitudes about what makes us happy. I don't feel like my life is over. For me, life is a series of different phases and, fortunately, each one has been better than the last. I enjoyed being young, single and in school. I enjoyed being married and having time with just my husband. I enjoyed having babies and young kids even though it was exhausting. Right now, I love being with my elementary-aged kids. There are definitely ups and downs, but I am so grateful for my family.

I think it depends on the temperament of your children and also your ability as a parent to not stress about the little crazy stuff.

My two kids (1 and 3) are super duper easy and DH and I comment all the time how lucky we are. They were both BIG sleepers from the beginning (12 hours by 12 weeks old) and went to bed at 6pm starting at 4 months old. Older DD is getting a little bit more challenging now that she is talking (and talking back) but overall she is still super easy, sweet, and helpful with younger DD.

I have always wanted to be a mom and DH knew that going into our relationship. We had a great time as grad students then DINKS until we were 31 and then decided it was time to start a family. DH has a very demanding career but I knew that going in and I was willing to be the default parent.

Having kids doesn't have to suck! Its hard in the beginning but now that my kids are getting out of the baby phase its been so much fun to see them become little kids and see what their interests are. DH and I talk all the time about all the fun things we want to do with them and show them when they get older. We can't wait!

Anonymous wrote:It gives my life meaning and makes me feel deep contentment, despite the day to day craziness. I say this as a very ambitious career woman with multiple fancy degrees and jobs. It doesn’t replace or crowd out my other interests, rather being a mom adds to my life.

I also remember reading about a big study that found that childless people were happier than peers with young children, but less happy than those with older children. So, I guess you can look at the early years as an investment. Personally I love the early years (not so much pregnancy and the newborn phase) but to each his own!

Exactly.

I just had a kid. She's 4 months old and the most amazing thing that's ever happened to me. That said it suck. Sucks big time. Being pregnant is horrible. Labor is beyond the worst thing ever. Lack of sleep, no freedom, no time. Taking a shower is an achievement. Going to the bathroom is a luxury. I didn't originally want kids and I should have stuck with that. But that said its an amazing often wonderful experience.

I could have written this post, except that my DS is 6 months. He is amazing, and I love him- but I now know why I said I did not want kids. I can and will be an awesome mom for this little guy, but I can imagine my life without being a Mom. For me, it is not all encompassing.


Your kids are way too young for you to have any perspective on this question. When my son was this age, I was miserable. At some point, they become little people and that's when any real payoff starts. You also get a lot of freedom back.

Yikes, I can still have a perspective, just maybe not yours. And I am sure that my heart will grow with each stage, but the question was posed to parents, and even though my guy is little, I still get to answer. Also, I think its dangerous for parents to tell parents that 'it will get better', because maybe it won't. I love DS, I truly do. But I can already tell that I am different than a lot of Moms of little ones.

Parent of an almost-3 year old who continues to be exhausting, bad sleeper, very sensitive/spirited, etc. I love her more than anything in the world, and enjoy her in many ways more at each stage, BUT I find the lack of freedom and personal time even harder now than when she was a baby. At least she slept more frequently when she was a baby (ahhh, the two-naps days!!). Now, getting her to bed by 9 is a struggle, and we are up at 5am for work everyday. Constant colds brought home from daycare continue to be a thing in our house, and lack of sleep means that they drag on and on for DH and me. Bottom line, self-care is a major challenge for us even though we're well past the baby stage. No second kid in sight for us.

My 5 year old told me she’s never having kids because it looks too exhausting. I told her it’s similar to the monkey bars - she gets blisters, she falls off them, they make her cry, and the next day she begs to do them again.

It is the best of times, it is the worst of times.

I was on the fence about having kids for a long time, and when I did decide to go for it, I was still scared about the sacrifices it would involved and whether it would really be worth it. I'm not a particularly selfless person, and before I had kids I wasn't particularly a "kid" person. The things that scared me most were: 1) sleep deprivation, and 2) would I resent giving up my free time. I would get very annoyed with people who went on and on about how having kids is the greatest thing ever and everyone should do it.

I have two kids now, almost 4 and almost 2, and they have brought me more joy than anything I have ever done. I don't have nearly as much free time as a used to, but in retrospect, I don't think I was doing anything all that amazing with the free time I had. I also find parenting much less tedious than I feared. It's not just that I find my kids more interesting than other kids because they're mine, they're also at a point where their needs are pretty simple, and being able to meet their needs is satisfying.

That being said:
1) my kids have so far been healthy,
2) one kid is and always has been an excellent sleeper, and the other is a decent, but not perfect, sleeper. They go to bed reliably at 8:30, so I still have a couple of hours to myself in the evening.
3) my husband pulls his weight in the parenting department.

I would have to imagine if any of those things weren't true, it would add a lot of stress.

It's all about perspective. Regular day to day challenges are just that--challenges---they are not adversity. It's more of a giant logistical puzzle.

No. People just like to whine.

Yup, it does. Yup, it is still worth it.

Not having kids would suck

Anonymous wrote:It is really awful. Your life is gone. Goodbye.

I heard people say that and did not really believe it til poof, my life was gone (maybe a year or two after my first kid was born.) There are ways to get some of "you" back but never like before.

On the other hand, your life and living in general living is all for someone else and spiritually I find it more rewarding and wish I had done it sooner. Even though I am tired and wrecked all the time and fat and friendless, my soul is happier. (No I'm not just telling myself that.)

And PS I have to say I am so happy reading this thread. I guess misery loves company because it made me laugh hysterically.

It is really awful. Your life is gone. Goodbye.

I heard people say that and did not really believe it til poof, my life was gone (maybe a year or two after my first kid was born.) There are ways to get some of "you" back but never like before.

On the other hand, your life and living in general living is all for someone else and spiritually I find it more rewarding and wish I had done it sooner. Even though I am tired and wrecked all the time and fat and friendless, my soul is happier. (No I'm not just telling myself that.)

Yes