PP, I tend to agree with you. The thing is, no matter how comfortable I am with my own choice, it makes my blood boil with rage to see women tearing eachother down. In this particular thread, most of the attacks seem to be coming from one or two extremely insecure SAHMs. They are being beyond hurtful. And frankly, deserve to have every name in the book thrown at them.

This entire thread makes me thankful, not because I am a SAHM, but because I am confident that the choice I made was the best for our family. One of my sisters works outside of the home full time. The other works part time. I am at home full time. My best friend works full time. None of us are "selfish". We all made decisions based on what works for our families. If you are one of the posters ranting about how horrible working moms are for leaving their kids all day, or how lazy and unmotivated SAHMs are, I can only assume that your passion comes from being completely unsure of the choice you made. Otherwise, why would it be so important to you? Why on earth would you feel the need to justify your decisions about the way you are raising your children to a bunch of strangers on the internet?

I am fine with the SAH vs WOH debate. I think as mothers it's important that we constantly reexamine our decisions. But you don't have to bash people who choose differently than you do in order to debate the point. For those of you who SAH....unless you are very lazy, you do not spend all day with your kids. You are (or should be) busy keeping the house clean, cooking, grocery shopping, planning, paying bills, managing budgets, volunteering...all the day-to-day stuff that comes with managing a home. When both parents work outside the home, those jobs are shared. When one parent is at home full time, most (if not all) of the home management should fall to the person at home.

And for the WOHM....if you feel the need to defend yourself about working full-time, then it's likely you are working too many hours. If you are comfortable with your work/life balance, then you aren't going to feel the need to justify your decision over and over again. Those of us who have been parents for a while (my oldest is 23) know that there is no pefect answer. We are all doing the very best we can for our children. And for many moms, working outside the home IS the best thing for their children. For some, there is no choice. Their children have grown accustomed to eating. And their salary pays the bills. For others, it's not as much about the money as it is the need for fulfillment outside the home. A happy, healthy working mom is much better for her kids than is a miserable SAHM.

For some of us staying at home is less of a choice and more of a necessity. My husband is former military and now works for the federal government. We move every 3-4 years and always have. It would be difficult, if not impossible for me to have a career simply because of all the moving around. Plus, my husband works insanely long, unpredictable hours and travels quite a bit. Logistically, my staying at home makes life easier for all of us. And I love staying at home, so it's a perfect arrangement.

Stop and think about it. The only reason this is such a heated topic is because there is so much insecurity on both sides.

i think the pp brings up a good point about the previous generation. my mom was a sahm and folks in her generation did not bother with this back and forth.

i wish my mom had worked. she had such great potential and i could always sense that she wanted something in life to call her own outside of family/kids. it saddens me to realize this. i would have been fine in day care. i think i might have come out of my shell earlier.

I just feel really sorry for those who believe that paying someone (very very little) to give their children what we, parents, do for free and out of love is the best they can do. Some of you even said that money was more important! How terrible!

Hey, if you want to pick up some extra bucks, maybe you should consider writing romance novels. Your florid, overwrought tone of writing should be perfect for that genre.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I would like to apologize to everyone for starting this thread. It wasn't my intention for it to turn out like this. I've read through all of the posts and even though there have been many nasty and hateful posts, lots of other posters make good points. I have been made aware of some POVs that I hadn't considered before.
I Googled the issue of daycare, and discovered that the latest review of the data (2010) concludes that there's no clear evidence that it's detrimental to kids.
I hope that we can put this thread to rest and, despite our opinions and preferences, agree that each mom is doing what she feels is best for her family.

I've actually gotten a lot out of this thread, and I'm not being sarcastic. I'm a WOHM and many of the posters have articulated well how wonderful daycare can be, and how great it is to have working moms in the workforce, and the advantages of two parents balancing family and work. There seems to be one or two really anti-working mom posters on here, and it is amusing to see their short-sighted points get taken down.

I completely support women who chose to, or who have to, stay home (since statistics show that most SAHMS in this country do so because there job doesn't pay enough to cover childcare. There are a lot of moms outside of DCUM world who do not have the education, careers, etc. as the DCUM demographic). I also know moms who very much want to work but they and their husbands both had demanding, inflexible jobs and it didn't seem possible to balance it. They typically do some PT work or consulting but it's hard to find great PT jobs out there and they also feel as if they don't have much of a choice to stay home. So, there are lots of families out there who don't feel they have ideal situations, whether they work or stay home.

Really don't know if you were trying to be sincere or were pretending, but your post comes across as self-righteous. If that was your intention, good job!

Remember, what you decide is right, and there are no possible acceptable alternatives.

Paying a nanny $45,000 a year is paying them "very very little"? How much did you make a year when you were working, PP?

Hate? Really? Where do you see hate? I have pity! I don't hate anybody... I just feel really sorry for those who believe that paying someone (very very little) to give their children what we, parents, do for free and out of love is the best they can do. Some of you even said that money was more important! How terrible!

And I did show him this and he laughed. When we decided it was time for kids we made sure we could afford it with SAH/WAH arrangements. He knows my POV and totally supports my decision to SAH and even changed his work arrangement to be able to WAH more often. We don't agree in everything but when we disagree we compromise and the one who didn't get their way always supports the other. As I said before, we're partners! We don't take turns. We work together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you guys stop looking at your belly button you'll realize that not everybody has a 9-5er (or 6-9er like some of you seem to have).

DH is not paying me to watch his children and he's not counting on strangers to watch his child. I'm his spouse, his loving partner, the mother of the child. Your little accusation means nothing, it really doesn't make any sense. He's not paying some stranger to to love his child. He's not relaying on a piece of paper or a 5 minute conversation at pick up to know what is going on during his child's day. He's either there watching it while he works from home or hearing first hand from me, his loving wife who has only this child's best interest in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Not pp you're responding to, but you really are not so smart, huh? Your DH either doesn't work, or works at least as much as a wohm that you keep saying doesn't raise the kid or isn't parenting or is paying someone to love them. Every thing you are saying about the wohm is the same thing that you are saying about your working DH. Unless he doesn't work. That's what the pp was saying. No wonder you don't work. You are dumb.

My dear, if you were as loving as you claim to be, you wouldn't be so hateful and narrow-minded towards women whose circumstances are different than yours. I would rather have my DD be with a day care teacher than pick such narrow-minded, judgmental values from you. BTW, did you show your DH this thread? Please do. I'm curious what his take on this is.

^^^ MTE.

Anonymous wrote:If you guys stop looking at your belly button you'll realize that not everybody has a 9-5er (or 6-9er like some of you seem to have).

DH is not paying me to watch his children and he's not counting on strangers to watch his child. I'm his spouse, his loving partner, the mother of the child. Your little accusation means nothing, it really doesn't make any sense. He's not paying some stranger to to love his child. He's not relaying on a piece of paper or a 5 minute conversation at pick up to know what is going on during his child's day. He's either there watching it while he works from home or hearing first hand from me, his loving wife who has only this child's best interest in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Not pp you're responding to, but you really are not so smart, huh? Your DH either doesn't work, or works at least as much as a wohm that you keep saying doesn't raise the kid or isn't parenting or is paying someone to love them. Every thing you are saying about the wohm is the same thing that you are saying about your working DH. Unless he doesn't work. That's what the pp was saying. No wonder you don't work. You are dumb.

My dear, if you were as loving as you claim to be, you wouldn't be so hateful and narrow-minded towards women whose circumstances are different than yours. I would rather have my DD be with a day care teacher than pick such narrow-minded, judgmental values from you. BTW, did you show your DH this thread? Please do. I'm curious what his take on this is.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I would like to apologize to everyone for starting this thread. It wasn't my intention for it to turn out like this. I've read through all of the posts and even though there have been many nasty and hateful posts, lots of other posters make good points. I have been made aware of some POVs that I hadn't considered before.
I Googled the issue of daycare, and discovered that the latest review of the data (2010) concludes that there's no clear evidence that it's detrimental to kids.
I hope that we can put this thread to rest and, despite our opinions and preferences, agree that each mom is doing what she feels is best for her family.

I've actually gotten a lot out of this thread, and I'm not being sarcastic. I'm a WOHM and many of the posters have articulated well how wonderful daycare can be, and how great it is to have working moms in the workforce, and the advantages of two parents balancing family and work. There seems to be one or two really anti-working mom posters on here, and it is amusing to see their short-sighted points get taken down.

I completely support women who chose to, or who have to, stay home (since statistics show that most SAHMS in this country do so because there job doesn't pay enough to cover childcare. There are a lot of moms outside of DCUM world who do not have the education, careers, etc. as the DCUM demographic). I also know moms who very much want to work but they and their husbands both had demanding, inflexible jobs and it didn't seem possible to balance it. They typically do some PT work or consulting but it's hard to find great PT jobs out there and they also feel as if they don't have much of a choice to stay home. So, there are lots of families out there who don't feel they have ideal situations, whether they work or stay home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it doesn't. You know a child is exponentially more likely to be harmed by a family meber tha a daycare worker, right?

It isn't luck. And again, please show me one scrap of evidence that children who go to daycare don't do as well as other children. There isn't any.

You keep rationalizing your choice by all means, whatever helps you sleep at night. Daycare or no daycare, it is all the same if other variables are constant.

My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state).

Spoken like a woman who couldn't be bothered to look into childcare options. Couldn't pay for it anyway, huh? I love this type of oh so stupid post. My kids are teenagers now; we have hundreds of thousands of dollars more than we would if one of us had SAH. And our kids are doing great! Looks like our "luck" paid off, eh?

If money is what you care about, seems like you got what you wanted. Good for you!$!$!$

No, you misread. I wanted healthy, happy kids with whom I have a good relationship AND $$$$. Did you miss the part about how our kids are older and doing great? I guess you're not one of the many posters here who complains about financial troubles?

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP. I would like to apologize to everyone for starting this thread. It wasn't my intention for it to turn out like this. I've read through all of the posts and even though there have been many nasty and hateful posts, lots of other posters make good points. I have been made aware of some POVs that I hadn't considered before.
I Googled the issue of daycare, and discovered that the latest review of the data (2010) concludes that there's no clear evidence that it's detrimental to kids.
I hope that we can put this thread to rest and, despite our opinions and preferences, agree that each mom is doing what she feels is best for her family.

Thanks. I am totally amazed that you didn't realize this would turn into a sh$tstorm.

They are so used to having everything planned out for them that when given free time, don't seem to know what to do with it.

What daycare doesn't give the kids free time to play? None that I know of.

Anonymous wrote:If you guys stop looking at your belly button you'll realize that not everybody has a 9-5er (or 6-9er like some of you seem to have).

DH is not paying me to watch his children and he's not counting on strangers to watch his child. I'm his spouse, his loving partner, the mother of the child. Your little accusation means nothing, it really doesn't make any sense. He's not paying some stranger to to love his child. He's not relaying on a piece of paper or a 5 minute conversation at pick up to know what is going on during his child's day. He's either there watching it while he works from home or hearing first hand from me, his loving wife who has only this child's best interest in mind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"My child doesn't know statistics. All she knows is that her mommy is there when she falls and gets hurt or when she's hungry for her milk. Not a complete stranger that is paid to "love" her and feed her on a schedule along with 4 other children (depending on the ration established by the state)."

But it's okay that daddy is not there?

Who said daddy is not there?

Sorry if your DH is absent. Mine is not.

So neither you nor your DH works outside the home??? You do realize that very, very few families can afford such an arrangement, right? You are unbelievable.

Who said my husband doesn't work? Lots of assumptions going on here, huh?

Not pp you're responding to, but you really are not so smart, huh? Your DH either doesn't work, or works at least as much as a wohm that you keep saying doesn't raise the kid or isn't parenting or is paying someone to love them. Every thing you are saying about the wohm is the same thing that you are saying about your working DH. Unless he doesn't work. That's what the pp was saying. No wonder you don't work. You are dumb.

Great. Now not only are we not raising our children, we're not loving them either.

Dumb bitch is Dumb.

Let's just name her Mother of the Year and get on with raising or kids, okay?