Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at my alma mater and while I know that being a legacy helped because the school does consider it, they were still a competitive applicant on their own with stats, ECs, etc. I am not an active alum and never donated any money either.
I’m assuming it tipped the scales in a small way, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had been rejected either, as many other legacy applicants were. I’m happy it worked out for them and glad I could help in that way. But for the average legacy you still need to be a very qualified applicant.

I know you really want to believe this, but this is not what the admissions statistics show. Many, many qualified applicants are not admitted. Legacy is one of the biggest boosts available in the admissions process.

Anonymous wrote:Jealousy is rampant this time of year for seniors, and their parents. I was told by a friend that my kid was "lucky" to get in ED to T10, but luck was not the only factor at play, the kid worked hard. I am so surprised by some parents. I could have taken it the wrong way, but it just doesn't sit well.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Meh, sounds more like sour grapes from the non-legacy parents to me.

It's a game and some people know how to play it. Why wouldn't you encourage your kid to apply to your Alma mater if legacy preference helps them get in?!?!

College admission is not a meritocracy, and no college claims that it is. "Holistic admission" is code for "we get to admit whomever we want for whatever reason.

Kids and parents should be spending time finding their own "hooks" (and there are plenty to choose from!) instead of kicking this dead horse.

Nobody objects to legacy parents using their significant advantages for their kids, for schools where those advantages exist. What people object to are the demands from legacy parents that everyone else must pretend that legacy kids don’t have a significant advantage, and that their kids never, ever hear that they got admitted because of legacy preference.

It’s the demands from the legacy parents to hide reality and to pretend the playing field is level that are objectionable. You know your kid got in because of legacy. We know your kid got in because of legacy. Other kids know your kid got in because of legacy. Everyone who knows you went to the school except for your own kid knows your kid got in because of legacy. But you want everyone to be as silent as the grave about that reality we all know exists, so your own kid never has to confront the reality everybody else knows exists.

It’s entitled and ridiculous behavior.

If everyone knows then why are we even talking about it? Why do they have to be ‘confronted?’ People who need to ‘confront’ others over their admissions may need to take some time to focus on their own admissions.

Your kids don’t know, because you desperately hide the truth from them. You tell them they would have gotten in without legacy, and you lash out at children who point out even mildly that their parents went to the same school. Even framing a basic fact as “confronting” just shows how weirdly desperate you are to suppress the truth.

Why are you so desperate to control what everyone says about this? Why can’t you tell your children the truth, which is that they had significantly better odds than other kids by virtue of who their parents are?

This is one area where athlete parents and kids are so much more honest, and I respect it even if my kid doesn’t benefit. I rarely run into athlete parents who demand that everyone pretend their kid had no admissions advantages. But legacy parents will go out of their way to demand their kid had no or little advantage from legacy status, even in the face of extensive hard data showing otherwise. Faculty parents are the same, desperate to pretend their kids would have been admitted absent faculty status when that’s clearly not true based on the now-public data.

It is weird and entitled behavior, and this thread and the behavior of the legacy parents in it is just a microcosm of what happens more broadly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Meh, sounds more like sour grapes from the non-legacy parents to me.

It's a game and some people know how to play it. Why wouldn't you encourage your kid to apply to your Alma mater if legacy preference helps them get in?!?!

College admission is not a meritocracy, and no college claims that it is. "Holistic admission" is code for "we get to admit whomever we want for whatever reason.

Kids and parents should be spending time finding their own "hooks" (and there are plenty to choose from!) instead of kicking this dead horse.

Nobody objects to legacy parents using their significant advantages for their kids, for schools where those advantages exist. What people object to are the demands from legacy parents that everyone else must pretend that legacy kids don’t have a significant advantage, and that their kids never, ever hear that they got admitted because of legacy preference.

It’s the demands from the legacy parents to hide reality and to pretend the playing field is level that are objectionable. You know your kid got in because of legacy. We know your kid got in because of legacy. Other kids know your kid got in because of legacy. Everyone who knows you went to the school except for your own kid knows your kid got in because of legacy. But you want everyone to be as silent as the grave about that reality we all know exists, so your own kid never has to confront the reality everybody else knows exists.

It’s entitled and ridiculous behavior.

If everyone knows then why are we even talking about it? Why do they have to be ‘confronted?’ People who need to ‘confront’ others over their admissions may need to take some time to focus on their own admissions.

Your kids don’t know, because you desperately hide the truth from them. You tell them they would have gotten in without legacy, and you lash out at children who point out even mildly that their parents went to the same school. Even framing a basic fact as “confronting” just shows how weirdly desperate you are to suppress the truth.

Why are you so desperate to control what everyone says about this? Why can’t you tell your children the truth, which is that they had significantly better odds than other kids by virtue of who their parents are?

This is one area where athlete parents and kids are so much more honest, and I respect it even if my kid doesn’t benefit. I rarely run into athlete parents who demand that everyone pretend their kid had no admissions advantages. But legacy parents will go out of their way to demand their kid had no or little advantage from legacy status, even in the face of extensive hard data showing otherwise. Faculty parents are the same, desperate to pretend their kids would have been admitted absent faculty status when that’s clearly not true based on the now-public data.

It is weird and entitled behavior, and this thread and the behavior of the legacy parents in it is just a microcosm of what happens more broadly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

Clearly, you have no social skills. It is absolutely rude to comment on someone getting in to college because the are a legacy TO THEIR FACE. Same with commenting on someone getting skinny or fat TO THEIR FACE. It may be the truth, but that doesn’t mean it is something you should comment on. Do you tell someone they have a lot of acne TO THEIR FACE? I mean, it is true.

Not the same thing at all and you know it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Meh, sounds more like sour grapes from the non-legacy parents to me.

It's a game and some people know how to play it. Why wouldn't you encourage your kid to apply to your Alma mater if legacy preference helps them get in?!?!

College admission is not a meritocracy, and no college claims that it is. "Holistic admission" is code for "we get to admit whomever we want for whatever reason.

Kids and parents should be spending time finding their own "hooks" (and there are plenty to choose from!) instead of kicking this dead horse.

Nobody objects to legacy parents using their significant advantages for their kids, for schools where those advantages exist. What people object to are the demands from legacy parents that everyone else must pretend that legacy kids don’t have a significant advantage, and that their kids never, ever hear that they got admitted because of legacy preference.

It’s the demands from the legacy parents to hide reality and to pretend the playing field is level that are objectionable. You know your kid got in because of legacy. We know your kid got in because of legacy. Other kids know your kid got in because of legacy. Everyone who knows you went to the school except for your own kid knows your kid got in because of legacy. But you want everyone to be as silent as the grave about that reality we all know exists, so your own kid never has to confront the reality everybody else knows exists.

It’s entitled and ridiculous behavior.

If everyone knows then why are we even talking about it? Why do they have to be ‘confronted?’ People who need to ‘confront’ others over their admissions may need to take some time to focus on their own admissions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Meh, sounds more like sour grapes from the non-legacy parents to me.

It's a game and some people know how to play it. Why wouldn't you encourage your kid to apply to your Alma mater if legacy preference helps them get in?!?!

College admission is not a meritocracy, and no college claims that it is. "Holistic admission" is code for "we get to admit whomever we want for whatever reason.

Kids and parents should be spending time finding their own "hooks" (and there are plenty to choose from!) instead of kicking this dead horse.

Nobody objects to legacy parents using their significant advantages for their kids, for schools where those advantages exist. What people object to are the demands from legacy parents that everyone else must pretend that legacy kids don’t have a significant advantage, and that their kids never, ever hear that they got admitted because of legacy preference.

It’s the demands from the legacy parents to hide reality and to pretend the playing field is level that are objectionable. You know your kid got in because of legacy. We know your kid got in because of legacy. Other kids know your kid got in because of legacy. Everyone who knows you went to the school except for your own kid knows your kid got in because of legacy. But you want everyone to be as silent as the grave about that reality we all know exists, so your own kid never has to confront the reality everybody else knows exists.

It’s entitled and ridiculous behavior.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at my alma mater and while I know that being a legacy helped because the school does consider it, they were still a competitive applicant on their own with stats, ECs, etc. I am not an active alum and never donated any money either.
I’m assuming it tipped the scales in a small way, but I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had been rejected either, as many other legacy applicants were. I’m happy it worked out for them and glad I could help in that way. But for the average legacy you still need to be a very qualified applicant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Meh, sounds more like sour grapes from the non-legacy parents to me.

It's a game and some people know how to play it. Why wouldn't you encourage your kid to apply to your Alma mater if legacy preference helps them get in?!?!

College admission is not a meritocracy, and no college claims that it is. "Holistic admission" is code for "we get to admit whomever we want for whatever reason.

Kids and parents should be spending time finding their own "hooks" (and there are plenty to choose from!) instead of kicking this dead horse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Yes, the ego conflation the legacy parents in this thread have with their kids is quite something to see.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:the legacy status did help. sorry. if your kid doesn't like encountering this attitude, he should apply to some places regular decision where he doesn't have any family or donor ties.

Meh it’s about respect. If friend delivered the qualifier in a non bitter way, then sure following with “yeah that’s probably it” is a good way to respond. If friend made bitter snipe, then they can get an appropriate response that bitter snipe deserves. There a lot of nuance in how this conversation goes. No one has to suffer bitter comments from bitter people.

It’s not a “bitter snipe” to say something like “Yeah, your parents went there.” That is simply pointing out reality.

Frankly, I think admissions boosts are something that should be openly discussed and acknowledged. It is harmful across the board to pretend that admissions is a level playing field. That myth and the fierce perpetuation of that myth is deeply undemocratic and destructive.

Well we don’t know how it was delivered. That’s why it’s important to give extra context about an appropriate response. Only the people in that conversation can know, but I can definitely see how it could have been a dig… or not.

OMG “yeah, your parents went there” cannot be a dig in any rational world.

You people and your demands that your children never learn the truth about the advantages of legacy admissions are genuinely crazy.

Parents cannot admit it is why their kid was admitted. Surely he was a competitive applicant and would have gotten in anyhow. How dare you suggest otherwise!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just smile and say nothing. Don’t say a word. The silence will make the person realize it was a rude comment. Likely a true comment, but still inappropriate. Sort of like commenting on weight loss or weight gain. True, but inappropriate.

People who get called out on the truth like to fall back on vague claims that something is "rude" or "inappropriate." It's not. It's just the truth.

Clearly, you have no social skills. It is absolutely rude to comment on someone getting in to college because the are a legacy TO THEIR FACE. Same with commenting on someone getting skinny or fat TO THEIR FACE. It may be the truth, but that doesn’t mean it is something you should comment on. Do you tell someone they have a lot of acne TO THEIR FACE? I mean, it is true.

Exactly. Some people lack tact, decency and etiquette.

If it was not said in a 100% innocent way, I would reply "yes, my parents went there. And while there they also learned decency and emotional intelligence, skills your parents clearly didn't teach you. Perhaps that is why you didn't get in."

Again, legacies should feel no guilt. Sorry people are jealous. Go to the school and thrive. Ignore the haters. You don't need the bad vibes.