Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 08:26     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.


I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family.


Ok i am one of the posters that generally believes there is nuance in the world but this one takes the cake. A healer?! SMDH.

So sorry OP.


Thank you. Exh’s AP was a victim of SA and many other abusive incidents. I think having gone through years of abuse caused her to be hyper selfish and only think about herself. When I confronted her she felt no remorse or regret. It was very strange. She almost seemed robotic, like she could not compute or understand another point of view other than her own. In her mind she’s this great, progressive, inclusive, pro-justice advocate and healer. She helps families, not divides them. But when I told her to leave us alone, that I have a SN child that will be deeply affected by conflict and divorce, she did not care. Not one bit. And she works in the SN community.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 08:16     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.


I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family.


Ok i am one of the posters that generally believes there is nuance in the world but this one takes the cake. A healer?! SMDH.

So sorry OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 08:16     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.


I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family.

That sounds awful, PP, I’m sorry.

I think it would help if we were all mindful of how we all compartmentalize all the time. You drive like a jerk but you still think you’re a good person. You are harsh with your child when they trigger you, but you are still a good parent. You leave nasty comments on posts here but you are a good person. Or maybe you have stolen something or snooped in someone’s personal property or gossiped or gotten in a physical fight before. People are not good or bad. We are complex AF.


Yes, that’s true, but the magnitude of compartmentalization matters. When I told exh’s AP that she was hurting me and our children, and to leave my family alone so that my exh can figure things out, she ignored my pleas. She was completely desensitized because she was a victim of abuse and felt entitled to my H. My H was allegedly the only man in her life that didn’t cheat on her or abuse her. He was her savior, I guess, someone to help her with her insecurity, trauma, etc. So her compartmentalization was sky high because all she could focus on was her healing and happiness and she didn’t give a F about the chaos, sadness and misery she caused in my home.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 08:04     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.


I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family.

That sounds awful, PP, I’m sorry.

I think it would help if we were all mindful of how we all compartmentalize all the time. You drive like a jerk but you still think you’re a good person. You are harsh with your child when they trigger you, but you are still a good parent. You leave nasty comments on posts here but you are a good person. Or maybe you have stolen something or snooped in someone’s personal property or gossiped or gotten in a physical fight before. People are not good or bad. We are complex AF.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 07:59     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why should they? They never made vows to anyone. The scorned wives in here need to direct their anger to the real culprit.


Which is themselves, because their DH wouldn't cheat if they had been doing a good job as wives.


That's not true at all.
I was involved with a married man once and he was madly in love with his wife. He just enjoyed the novelty of spending time with me too.


What was wrong with you? Have you developed dignity, integrity, self-respect since that affair?


Obviously, they didn't learn about morals or values. No, that husband wasn't in love with his wife lol.


He was, and I don’t know why you think you know better than someone who knew him.


I bet his wife thought she knew him, too…

Come on, woman, stop being ridiculous.

NP here. I know it’s scary but I have experienced something like the PP. There were a lot of factors at play, but both of us were married, loved our spouses, took many steps to continually “protect” each other’s family. We care about each other deeply, but knew and respected that neither of us would derail our lives no matter how intense it got.
Anonymous
Post 11/17/2024 07:37     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is any serious question that women who participate in these relationships have serious often unacknowledged problems in their background affecting their mental health. They may think they are fine but they are complicit in close injury to others including very much to children. On some level we are all complicit in all kinds of moral issues BUT this is so direct and so knowing. they are trying to make up for some part of them that is broken by hurting others and feeling power. they need to do a deep dig with a therapist to figure out why they are not just ok but literally taking pleasure n hurting others. Likely few do but maybe some. It is at best immature and self centered but also has a hint of sociopathy because they do not care/ feel.


I one hundred percent resonate with this. Ex H’s AP tried to convince me she was a healer and a good person, but she refused to leave my exH alone and would not stop her contribution to the affair. She was a very broken person- was abused and so forth - and felt entitled to my exH. She ignored my plea to leave our marriage and family alone. How can a self proclaimed healer ignore the pain she helped cause? It’s because she was broken and hurt by others, so she felt indifferent to my pain and the pain she was causing my family by ripping it apart. Yes, my exH was complicit. Not absolving him of anything. But both of them were highly compartmentalized in their thinking. Exh’s compartmentalization is what masked his cheating, and her compartmentalization had her convinced she’s actually a wonderful person, a “healer,” but she was ripping my family a part and couldn’t give a flying F about the pain she was causing my family.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2024 23:48     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:Let me summarize the thread:

OP: Do any of the APs feel guilt?

Answer 1: Not at all!
Response: You’re human garbage.

Answer 2: Yes but [nuanced reasoning].
Response: You’re human garbage.

Answer 3: I was young and manipulated.
Response: You’re human garbage.

Oh and the sub plot is that a woman abusing a child has more integrity than someone who fux a married person. Fantastic.

What’s the point of the thread?


A bunch of crazy people yelling at each other.

Basically like the rest of the internet.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2024 23:12     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was the mistress my senior year of college. I didn't feel guilty because I fell for the whole "she makes my life miserable. She's a horrible person. Blah blah blah" BS story. I was dumb and naive and he knew what to do and say to keep me hooked. Then evidence came out that he was lying and I felt bad but I was also in deep. Graduating and moving away put an end to it.


Typical. Even when women reflect and regret their choices they hide being "I was dumb" " I was naive"



Not hiding. I was incredibly dumb and naive. Because only someone dumb and naive would fall for those lies. I don't think it's hiding or even excusing it. I don't think I was a bad person at the time it started. Looking back now I think I was a bad person for not ending it when the truth came out. The question was "did you feel bad" and my answer was "no because I thought his marriage was miserable".

How did the truth come out? He refused to
leave his wife or did she find out and confront you?


lol are you so bitter that you can't read? She said it ended when she moved away. There was no confrontation by the wife or him refusing to leave her.
When she mentioned the truth coming out, she meant the truth of him being married.

Sorry her life wasn't ruined for you!

Another triggered mistress.


I've never been with anyone in a relationship, as far as I know. I just like observing.

The fact is that married people seem to cheat a lot and most of the affairs start and end without drama, confrontation or anyone finding out.


All the ones I know about ended in divorce and spectacular betrayals such as an affair baby, disappearing $100s of K, etc.


Obviously those are the ones you know about. For every one you don’t know about, there are plenty you don’t know about. Why are you so arrogant?


PP. It's just a statement of fact. And based on the ones I do know about, the people involved are incredibly selfish. It's hard to conclude the iceberg has a different composition under the waterline.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2024 08:11     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
People who have sexual relationships with someone they *know* is married (and not in an open marriage) are trash.

You can all try to justify it it however you want, but the bottom line is you’re just garbage people.
Anonymous
Post 11/16/2024 08:07     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:I hope all you cheaters and APs are getting tested for STDs on the regular.

A friend years ago was an AP (of a married man) and she called me frantic because he gave her herpes and HPV.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

I also always think it’s funny APs think they are the only one or somehow if they marry one another they won’t cheat. You loose them how you get them.

.


So you married someone that not only cheats but does it with multiple people?

People on here always want to reduce affairs to men just wanting a random woman to have sex. Usually, that’s not how it works, if you meet in person.

AP and I were just friends for a yr before anything happened between us.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2024 14:48     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was the mistress my senior year of college. I didn't feel guilty because I fell for the whole "she makes my life miserable. She's a horrible person. Blah blah blah" BS story. I was dumb and naive and he knew what to do and say to keep me hooked. Then evidence came out that he was lying and I felt bad but I was also in deep. Graduating and moving away put an end to it.


Typical. Even when women reflect and regret their choices they hide being "I was dumb" " I was naive"



Not hiding. I was incredibly dumb and naive. Because only someone dumb and naive would fall for those lies. I don't think it's hiding or even excusing it. I don't think I was a bad person at the time it started. Looking back now I think I was a bad person for not ending it when the truth came out. The question was "did you feel bad" and my answer was "no because I thought his marriage was miserable".

How did the truth come out? He refused to
leave his wife or did she find out and confront you?


Nothing all that exciting. Saw them in public a couple times. Was using his phone and saw emails coordinating a getaway with her. Heard him on the phone with her a couple times. Just little bits and pieces came out that made it clear he was lying about the state of their relationship. Then, when there was a slight chance I was going be staying in the area for grad school he panicked a bit and confessed their marriage wasn't as bad as them said it was.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2024 14:02     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:People here love to generalization and make assumptions. Cheating is 100% wrong, no argument there. But cheaters cheat for all different reasons and all of the relationships they’re having with others are different. It’s pointless to discuss other peoples lives.


So go away.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2024 12:31     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
People here love to generalization and make assumptions. Cheating is 100% wrong, no argument there. But cheaters cheat for all different reasons and all of the relationships they’re having with others are different. It’s pointless to discuss other peoples lives.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2024 12:05     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why should they? They never made vows to anyone. The scorned wives in here need to direct their anger to the real culprit.


Which is themselves, because their DH wouldn't cheat if they had been doing a good job as wives.


That's not true at all.
I was involved with a married man once and he was madly in love with his wife. He just enjoyed the novelty of spending time with me too.


What was wrong with you? Have you developed dignity, integrity, self-respect since that affair?


Obviously, they didn't learn about morals or values. No, that husband wasn't in love with his wife lol.


He was, and I don’t know why you think you know better than someone who knew him.


I bet his wife thought she knew him, too…

Come on, woman, stop being ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 11/15/2024 11:58     Subject: If you are a mistress, do you feel ANY guilt?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why should they? They never made vows to anyone. The scorned wives in here need to direct their anger to the real culprit.


Which is themselves, because their DH wouldn't cheat if they had been doing a good job as wives.


That's not true at all.
I was involved with a married man once and he was madly in love with his wife. He just enjoyed the novelty of spending time with me too.


What was wrong with you? Have you developed dignity, integrity, self-respect since that affair?


Obviously, they didn't learn about morals or values. No, that husband wasn't in love with his wife lol.


He was, and I don’t know why you think you know better than someone who knew him.