Anonymous wrote:OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

Your husband is a brat. I am sorry.

Anonymous wrote:Wonder how this thread would play out if genders were reversed.

+1

I also wonder how it play out or the timing of this was reversed. What if he insisted on sleeping in until 10am every AM or going to bed by 9pm every evening (adding the same 2hrs in these scenarios)? So nothing could be scheduled until 11am and need to be in on time for the early bedtime. Still totally fine?

I’m a night owl, absolutely not a morning person, and wouldn’t leave the hotel until 10/11am if it were up to me. But- I learned long long ago that this is unusual and would generally be considered rude. The world doesn’t revolve around my schedule. Even on vacation. Even if we didn’t bring the kids, it would be rude and in inconsiderate to DH to insist on sleeping so late every day.

Why are naps different?

Anonymous wrote:We always build in 2-3 hours a day of downtime even on active vacations, but the window of time in which it takes place is scheduled around the day’s activities, not the other way around. It’s totally reasonable to want some quiet relaxation time on VACATION (especially with kids old enough to entertain themselves) but too rigid insist it occur from exactly 2-4PM every day.

+1

Look how simple a solution is when everyone is reasonable.

We always build in 2-3 hours a day of downtime even on active vacations, but the window of time in which it takes place is scheduled around the day’s activities, not the other way around. It’s totally reasonable to want some quiet relaxation time on VACATION (especially with kids old enough to entertain themselves) but too rigid insist it occur from exactly 2-4PM every day.

Wonder how this thread would play out if genders were reversed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Not cut out to be martyrs, sure.

I just don’t understand why he goes on vacation with them if he doesn’t want to spend time with them. Just go on the golf vacations you enjoy, dude!

He does enjoy time with them. Just not literally every minute of every day.

I don’t think anyone asked him to. They asked him to spend 2-4pm a few days of vacation with his kids. He’s not interested. Okay, that’s the kind of dad he is. Own it, what’s the big deal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Not cut out to be martyrs, sure.

I just don’t understand why he goes on vacation with them if he doesn’t want to spend time with them. Just go on the golf vacations you enjoy, dude!

He does enjoy time with them. Just not literally every minute of every day.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

Or on an active vacation, DH can go back to the hotel and they can continue to paddle board or walk around a European city or whatever.

DH has decided he won't allow his family to do what they want. Play with the scenario all you want, the OP doesn't need advice on how to accommodate a lazy vacationer, the point is he's disrupting and he doesn't care.

You really seem to be projecting. OP didnt say anything about "not allowing" his family to do what they want. In fact, it sounds like he may encourage them to do what they want while he gets his nap in! Why are you so hell bent on twisting this post to fit your narrative?

Let's review the tape... OP wrote in her original post:

It’s unfair because the options are to hang back at the hotel and wait, or head out on an experience that they want to enjoy with dad

OP also wrote in her original post:

Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day,

in her second followup post she wrote:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

In her third post, she wrote:

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

OP is making it VERY clear that DH is making a choice to "nap" for 2+ hours during prime-time for activities for his children and he "expects" it and "crabby like a toddler" if he doesn't get his way.

His kids just want to do fun things with him and he's angry when he can't "nap" for 2+ hours with his phone, OnlyFans and locked hotel room.

That's because his normal life is not spending 24/7 with these kids so he needs a break to recharge. Why are they planning activities RIGHT at the time instead of scheduling the day so that the activities are before and after the nap? Stop fighting the tide and flow with it.

If you don’t understand why 2-4pm is an inconvenient time for one partner to refuse to participate in family activities this conversation isn’t going to help you understand.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this really depends on what type of vacation it is. Staying at a beach resort? No big deal as long as the DH can at least occasionally be open to change (if say, the only available slot for the boat tour or whatever is at 2pm or something). Otherwise who cares- the rest of the family can continue to hang out at the pool or beach, find another activity around the resort or also take some downtime in the rooms etc. However, if it is a more active vacation with excursions or sightseeing plans this would be a total PITA on some days and really limit things for the rest of the family.

Or on an active vacation, DH can go back to the hotel and they can continue to paddle board or walk around a European city or whatever.

DH has decided he won't allow his family to do what they want. Play with the scenario all you want, the OP doesn't need advice on how to accommodate a lazy vacationer, the point is he's disrupting and he doesn't care.

You really seem to be projecting. OP didnt say anything about "not allowing" his family to do what they want. In fact, it sounds like he may encourage them to do what they want while he gets his nap in! Why are you so hell bent on twisting this post to fit your narrative?

Let's review the tape... OP wrote in her original post:

It’s unfair because the options are to hang back at the hotel and wait, or head out on an experience that they want to enjoy with dad

OP also wrote in her original post:

Whenever we go on vacation, he expects and anticipates napping mid-day,

in her second followup post she wrote:

This is a two-hour nap every day or he’s crabby like a toddler.

In her third post, she wrote:

OP again: Somehow he can get through a work day, a round of golf and drinks at the club, etc etc, without this nap.

OP is making it VERY clear that DH is making a choice to "nap" for 2+ hours during prime-time for activities for his children and he "expects" it and "crabby like a toddler" if he doesn't get his way.

His kids just want to do fun things with him and he's angry when he can't "nap" for 2+ hours with his phone, OnlyFans and locked hotel room.

That's because his normal life is not spending 24/7 with these kids so he needs a break to recharge. Why are they planning activities RIGHT at the time instead of scheduling the day so that the activities are before and after the nap? Stop fighting the tide and flow with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Not cut out to be martyrs, sure.

I just don’t understand why he goes on vacation with them if he doesn’t want to spend time with them. Just go on the golf vacations you enjoy, dude!

22 hours out 24 are just not enough for suffocating control freaks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Not cut out to be martyrs, sure.

I just don’t understand why he goes on vacation with them if he doesn’t want to spend time with them. Just go on the golf vacations you enjoy, dude!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Not cut out to be martyrs, sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Like I said, some men aren’t cut out to be dads.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.

He’s communicating he needs down time and time to relax and rest. Which is fine to do on vacation. If you want to go-go-go, off you go-go-go. It’s a vacation. The kids are not toddlers. Adapt, make a compromise, get over it. I’d be exhausted if I was a henpecked spouse of OP, too. Want to go? Go. Want to leave the kids? Great, they can watch TV, read, nap, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are dumb to be so fixated on sleep because there’s a sleep problem. For some people with ADHD or anxiety or other issues, sleep is an ESCAPE. He doesn’t know how to set introvert boundaries so he makes it that he has to sleep. He’s literally just trying to get away from you for a few hours and get some peace and quiet.

It could be that, or alcoholism or sex addiction. Or apnea.

That kind of medical issue would be the best case - easily treatable, and the kids get dad back.

Oh my goodness, so dramatic. Dad doesn’t need to come “back” when he’s not gone. He’s with his family all day, multiple-day vacation, it’s fine to take a break.

It’s fine to have ADHD, or simply to be an introvert. We all know insecure and controlling extroverts (not all extroverts, just the insecure and controlling ones) cannot handle the lack of attention. We know you need to be in charge, we know you need the spotlight, we got it. You are effing exhausting. I feel sorry for henpecked DH.

If he’s suffering with adhd and maintaining his family life his wife seems unaware. That’s extremely possible, but the answer is for him to get treatment - medication or therapy - and open line of communication with the wife and kids so they understand why he’s acting the way he is.