Anonymous
10/15/2023 16:58
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
If you are living with your GF, then that's a committed relationship and should be treated as such I would never have moved in with a boyfriend who was not committed to our relationship
Anonymous
10/15/2023 16:57
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
He does not have a wife or likely a serious GF.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 16:57
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
So if you are a 30 yo and living with your GF/BF (so in a committed relationship), you would put your mom/dad's wishes over that of your Significant other?
Let me guess, you are 30 and single and have not had any relationships get very serious. Because while family is family, you won't find many good SOs if you aren't willing to put them first in your life
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:58
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Wives were once girlfriends
The vast majority do not play both roles.
I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.
I can guarantee if he is such a momma's but now and allows her to exclude his gf he isn't gonna magically grow up and put her first if or when she becomes his wife. People's personality don't just change your marriage.
If my man was fine leaving me out of vacations despite me being obnoxiously excluded despite that we were serious and a unit for things like that and he displayed momma's boy behavior I wouldn't stupidly sit around and wait for him to put me first and expect like a magical wand for it to change your marriage.
I wouldn't expect him to change his core beliefs either I would just bow out of the relationship and tell him this isn't working because clearly you aren't prioritizing our relationship and we have different priorities. I wouldn't sit around and try and change him.
I would find a man whose priorities aligned with mine and who put us first and didn't allow me to be rudely excluded.
momma's boy*
Upon marriage*
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:57
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Wives were once girlfriends
The vast majority do not play both roles.
I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.
I can guarantee if he is such a momma's but now and allows her to exclude his gf he isn't gonna magically grow up and put her first if or when she becomes his wife. People's personality don't just change your marriage.
If my man was fine leaving me out of vacations despite me being obnoxiously excluded despite that we were serious and a unit for things like that and he displayed momma's boy behavior I wouldn't stupidly sit around and wait for him to put me first and expect like a magical wand for it to change your marriage.
I wouldn't expect him to change his core beliefs either I would just bow out of the relationship and tell him this isn't working because clearly you aren't prioritizing our relationship and we have different priorities. I wouldn't sit around and try and change him.
I would find a man whose priorities aligned with mine and who put us first and didn't allow me to be rudely excluded.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:53
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:.Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.
At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.
A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.
I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.
Your relationship with the in laws is doomed, because of your attitude.
It would have been nice if she brought something for you (was there no gift for the baby, no offers of help?) But she also indulged her son, which gives will fuel him through the rough first few weeks, saves anyone having to cook. But you see nothing but “what was in it for me? He did nothing?”
Seems like you don’t think as a unit. You were not feeling grateful for having delivered a healthy baby. Sorry that you have such a negative, self-centered world view.
Nope nothing for me but I guess you are right I could have viewed it as one less meal we have to cook. I guess I just found it ironic that the one meal my mil knows I don't like she decides to deliver. Dollars to donuts if there was a meal I liked that that her son hated she would have never dreamed of bringing that over.
Because of one small issue I have with a family member my whole relationship is doomed. Glad you never had a disagreement with family members and that we don't operate like that here. Just to be clear I did gracefully thank my mil I didn't express my sentiments to her.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:50
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Wives were once girlfriends
The vast majority do not play both roles.
I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.
Disagree he sounds like a momma's boy. Why would a 30 year old man want to vacation with his mommy while his gf is excluded instead of growing up being a man and vacationing with his romantic partner? That isn't normal for a man that age
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:42
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:.Anonymous wrote:When my MIL is around or if we visit her, she always ask me if I want pies, cakes and any sweets. At home, at dinner, at the grocery stores. I always say no but I would say your son lives a pie or cake. She hate my response. I really control my sweets. I have no sweet tooth. I rather eat chips than cookies. But, she can't stand my rejection of her sweet offerings. I am happy to get a cake for others though.
At least your MIL gives a shit about you and tries to include you.
A couple weeks after I had a baby my MIL dropped off a veggie lasagna to our house which my DH loves but she knows lasagna is the one food I can't stand. She was like I know my son loves this. But my thing is why would you bring something to someone's home that you know one half of the couple hates? Especially when the half of the couple that hates it just carried a baby for 9 months and pushed a whole human out of their vagina. Your son isn't the one recovering from that. He did nothing in terms of having this baby. So if anything the food should be geared towards the person who is actively recovering. That's the equivalent of if my husband had surgery and a family member bought over food for us knowing I loved it but my husband hated. But wait I'm not the one recovering from the surgery my husband is.
I would never dream of going to my in laws house and bringing something over for just my MIL or FIL if I know the other one hates it.
Your relationship with the in laws is doomed, because of your attitude.
It would have been nice if she brought something for you (was there no gift for the baby, no offers of help?) But she also indulged her son, which gives will fuel him through the rough first few weeks, saves anyone having to cook. But you see nothing but “what was in it for me? He did nothing?”
Seems like you don’t think as a unit. You were not feeling grateful for having delivered a healthy baby. Sorry that you have such a negative, self-centered world view.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:35
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Wives were once girlfriends
The vast majority do not play both roles.
I like that he has a bar, under which, family of origin comes first.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 15:01
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Right and a wife is more serious than a gf so when we are in the dating stage my family still comes first.
Wives were once girlfriends
Anonymous
10/15/2023 14:58
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Wives were once girlfriends
Anonymous
10/15/2023 14:53
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
I said a girlfriend not a wife! There's a huge difference.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 14:43
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.
Godspeed to your wife. What a nightmare!
Anonymous
10/15/2023 14:43
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't believe some PPs are actually trying to make the argument that the OP is taking away vacation time from the couple by not inviting the gf. I'm sorry but this is his own MOTHER. And this is a GF (not a wife or a fiance) of a year. I think as the mother she has every right to ask for some of her own son's vacation time. The GF has to realize that they have been together a year and her BF has lots of long standing relationships that started before she came into the picture that needs to be respected as well. If the gf thinks by a mother asking her son to vacation together as a family is taking away from vacation time that she feels is "rightfully" owed solely to her than she is sadly mistaken. She isn't automatically owed all of her boyfriend's vacation time.
What if the GF requested OP's son to take a vacation just the two of them then we could say well she is taking away from vacation time that her bf could be using with his family.
Which I think would be the stronger argument because right now at the stage they are all mother and immediate family should come before gf not the other way around.
Ha no.
So you think a girlfriend of one year is equal to a mother?
I think it is really weird to prioritize a vacation with mommy over a romantic interest. Really weird. Cut the apron strings.
Anonymous
10/15/2023 14:41
Subject: girlfriend on family vacation?
I'm a 30 year old son and my mother and her feelings are going to come before some girl I'm just dating. So if my mom wanted to take a nuclear family only vacation guess what I'm going. My family has been around my whole life and will continue to be around forever.