I love this blog post about the importance of parents advocating for their children. Parents are the IEP police. It stinks, but feel the feelings and then get to work. This is from a Special Education law firm’s blog, but the message is universal for SE parents. You don’t have to hire an advocate to hold the school accountable.

https://brownleylaw.com/ruthless/

Ruthless
We often talk to our clients about being ruthless on behalf of their children. Parents usually think that means we will drag the school team out behind the gym and beat them up if necessary.
Not surprisingly, that isn’t what we mean at all.
Ruthless is usually defined as an adjective meaning behavior without pity or remorse, and that is the way in which we are using the term. But we aren’t using it towards school teams—we are using it regarding ourselves and the parents we represent.
What we mean is that everything you do, every action you take regarding your child’s education must be useful and serve your child’s education and progress, or you must eliminate those actions.
The school team treats you with condescension which makes you angry, and you begin to show that anger and treat the school team with equal condescension and rudeness? Not useful, you need to stop that—it won’t help your child.
You agree to everything the school suggests because you want them to like you? Not useful, you need to stop that, it won’t help your child.
Always being polite and maintaining (at least) a professional relationship with your school team? Yes, keep it up no matter how angry it makes you to remain calm and polite.
Asking good questions and continuing to follow up (politely) until you get good (or at least clear) answers? Good work—keep asking even though it may make them (and you) uncomfortable.
A school official rolls their eyes every time you speak, so you begin to do the same when they speak, and then allow that to make you so angry you begin to respond emotionally to every issue raised by the school, and fail to ask questions? Not useful—drop it and stick to being professional. If it goes on long enough, you can certainly call them out on it, in a polite way. “Mr. Smith, it seems like every time I say something, you make an expression that seems to be dismissive of either me, or what I am saying. If that’s your intention, could you simply tell us your thoughts? And if it isn’t your intention, would you stop?
Being ruthless isn’t easy to do—it’s one of the reasons people hire (or should hire) professional advocates—but it is very important in getting the best education possible for your child.
Be ruthless, in the end you’ll be glad you did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

How did you prepare for the OCR meeting? Did you bring this data? Did you ask for anything? What was their response?

Parents really need to stop being victims and throwing up their hands.

Bring what data? You think the school cares he didn’t learn anything? They’re passing him. They constantly say he’s doing great.

What am I supposed to ask for? We couldn’t afford a tutor. There are no receipts. Will they pay for his medical care? It took months to even get an appt with a doctor and he refused any sort of online teletherapy. He had it with ‘zoom’.

It’s the school system that threw up their hands. Do not turn this around and accuse parents of innocent kids of crying victim for being caught up in the bureaucratic politics of adults that were in charge.

This is the victim mentality again. So what were his goals? Did he meet them? Do you disagree with their data about his growth? If so, why? What are your own observations? Etc, etc…it sounds more like you are throwing up your hands.

+100

Also, if you disagree with their evaluation, get an IEE.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think my 8th grader with a 504 needs compensatory services but I do think my second grader who was a kindergartner during virtual does. Does anyone know how to do that?

Does he have and IEP or 504? If not, neither the Department of Education nor FCPS care that he missed a year of school

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

You didn’t homeschool your child. I know it makes you feel better to say that, but you just didn’t.

The F I didn't.....who do you think ensured my child was completing assignments during the school say? Who answered questions about the assignments or lessons when they weren't easy to understand over a computer? Who provided support and guidance to my child that they could in fact complete an assignment? Who came up with extra work to do when the school refused to provide the advanced academics the teacher recommended my child receive because the principal felt they were already stretching staff too thin to deal with level II services for early ES?

Go on, tell me that FCPS did all that....

So you were a parent?
What do you think SN parents have been doing for decades?

+1 And I'm going to be brutally honest and call BS on the level II services argument. It's really not something that the AART's spend a whole lot of time on, if any. And the principal made the right call. Another brutally honest observation: Nothing FCPS can do will ever make up for what was lost. All kids were affected in ways we are just beginning to really see. I have a special needs and neurotypical kid and they are both having their own, different but hard challenges. As a society, we have a lot of pent up anger and angst and the school system is an easy scapegoat for the whole Covid mess. No one decided that kids were expendable...that was whole reason for quarantine in the first place, because no one wanted dead kids. History will judge if that was the right course of action but just stop characterizing the school system and some evil villain. It's so exhausting.

I don’t think my 8th grader with a 504 needs compensatory services but I do think my second grader who was a kindergartner during virtual does. Does anyone know how to do that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

How did you prepare for the OCR meeting? Did you bring this data? Did you ask for anything? What was their response?

Parents really need to stop being victims and throwing up their hands.

Bring what data? You think the school cares he didn’t learn anything? They’re passing him. They constantly say he’s doing great.

What am I supposed to ask for? We couldn’t afford a tutor. There are no receipts. Will they pay for his medical care? It took months to even get an appt with a doctor and he refused any sort of online teletherapy. He had it with ‘zoom’.

It’s the school system that threw up their hands. Do not turn this around and accuse parents of innocent kids of crying victim for being caught up in the bureaucratic politics of adults that were in charge.

This is the victim mentality again. So what were his goals? Did he meet them? Do you disagree with their data about his growth? If so, why? What are your own observations? Etc, etc…it sounds more like you are throwing up your hands.

You sound like you haven’t had this school system fight you every step of the way for the past 13 years. You sound like you haven’t had sleepless nights wondering if you’re going crazy. The school saying one thing and you witnessing another. You sound like you’ve had resources and support that not everyone has had.

Yes this is me throwing up my hands because let’s be real. He is graduating and they are done with him. I can disagree with their ‘goals’. Then what? Do you not think they’ve discounted my own observations all these years. I from K-4th I kept telling them he couldn’t read. They said, no he was fine and yes I scraped together money for outside testing. But since he wasn’t failing, they said nothing more than a 504. He didn’t get an IEP until he fails his first reading SOL. This was years after I started the process when he was in K.

They’re not going to compensate for non monetary damage. And I don’t have the money to hire lawyers to force them to.

I failed my son. I should have found a way to move out of this school system long ago.

FCPS failed at their job. Their job is to educate all children. If I performed this poorly at work I would have been fired right at the start.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

How did you prepare for the OCR meeting? Did you bring this data? Did you ask for anything? What was their response?

Parents really need to stop being victims and throwing up their hands.

Bring what data? You think the school cares he didn’t learn anything? They’re passing him. They constantly say he’s doing great.

What am I supposed to ask for? We couldn’t afford a tutor. There are no receipts. Will they pay for his medical care? It took months to even get an appt with a doctor and he refused any sort of online teletherapy. He had it with ‘zoom’.

It’s the school system that threw up their hands. Do not turn this around and accuse parents of innocent kids of crying victim for being caught up in the bureaucratic politics of adults that were in charge.

This is the victim mentality again. So what were his goals? Did he meet them? Do you disagree with their data about his growth? If so, why? What are your own observations? Etc, etc…it sounds more like you are throwing up your hands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

You didn’t homeschool your child. I know it makes you feel better to say that, but you just didn’t.

The F I didn't.....who do you think ensured my child was completing assignments during the school say? Who answered questions about the assignments or lessons when they weren't easy to understand over a computer? Who provided support and guidance to my child that they could in fact complete an assignment? Who came up with extra work to do when the school refused to provide the advanced academics the teacher recommended my child receive because the principal felt they were already stretching staff too thin to deal with level II services for early ES?

Go on, tell me that FCPS did all that....

So you were a parent?
What do you think SN parents have been doing for decades?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

How did you prepare for the OCR meeting? Did you bring this data? Did you ask for anything? What was their response?

Parents really need to stop being victims and throwing up their hands.

Bring what data? You think the school cares he didn’t learn anything? They’re passing him. They constantly say he’s doing great.

What am I supposed to ask for? We couldn’t afford a tutor. There are no receipts. Will they pay for his medical care? It took months to even get an appt with a doctor and he refused any sort of online teletherapy. He had it with ‘zoom’.

It’s the school system that threw up their hands. Do not turn this around and accuse parents of innocent kids of crying victim for being caught up in the bureaucratic politics of adults that were in charge.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

Of course your kids will push back on you. That is what they do. As parents, we have to break through that. I have a DS with a learning disability. Our job as parents as parents is to learn how to work with their disability, so that we can help them with their school work, reading, writing, etc. We need to understand their goals, suggest accommodations, and communicate properly with their teachers and case managers. When COVID happened, my husband and I have hours of discussion about how we could help our DS during this time: renting textbooks, building in breaks, visual planners, supports, etc. we didn’t spend tons of money- about $50 on textbooks. We didn’t do anything that any other parent on this form couldn’t have done during that time. it wasn’t his best year, but frankly we’ve have worse years with FCPS. This forum is filled with excuses on why parents can’t parent.

I’m the original pp. I’m glad you and your husband had hours of time to do this. Some of us were working out of the home in public settings during Covid. Wearing masks around our kids in hopes of not bringing anything home to them in the evening. Trying to get through each day as best we could. Not all of us had the luxury of quarantining at home and having endless hours to talk with one another and actually feel like a normal family.

When your kid is home alone all day staring at a blank screen as ‘school’ then has his parents come home wearing masks and trying to get meals made, there’s not a whole lot of time for homeschooling high school math and English when that kid is just as burnt from online school all day everyday and slowly creeping into a state of depression.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

So you got to truly see what a teacher does.....we don't just teach lady

But did you come into my house and do my job for me while I was going yours on top of my own? Didn't think so

LOL again we just don't teach we parent too....so yeah we do your job every day

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

So you got to truly see what a teacher does.....we don't just teach lady

But did you come into my house and do my job for me while I was going yours on top of my own? Didn't think so

Good grief

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

So you got to truly see what a teacher does.....we don't just teach lady

But did you come into my house and do my job for me while I was going yours on top of my own? Didn't think so

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is graduating this year. We could not afford tutoring during the school closings and both parents work outside the house the entire pandemic so could not ‘homeschool’ our high schooler with learning disabilities.

We will get nothing and he is graduating without being able to string together 3 coherent written paragraphs or read a full book and on medication for depression that began during the pandemic.

He needed to be in school.

Our DD also has an IEP and was HS during COVID. Knowing there was a gap in instruction, we helped her make improvements in topics such as writing before heading off the college. We worked with her at night and on weekends. So feel free to blame teachers and FCPS but you should also shoulder some of that blame. You knew those gaps were there.

NP, but, some things are easier to help with than others. Even setting aside the very valid constraints of time and money, some kids will willingly work with a tutor but will fight their own parents. Not all parents have the expertise to help with learning disabilities. If it were as easy to do all this as some make it sound, there would be no need for the specialized expertise and instruction from teachers and everyone could just home school their kids.

Many kids NEEDED to be in school, and yet 3 years ago today the governor decided kids in Virginia were expendable and didn't deserve to be educated.

And parents decided they could stop parenting....so we all have our complaints.

that is not how I remember it. I did a lot more parenting while also working full time, homeschooling my children, becoming a mental health counselor, etc...

You didn’t homeschool your child. I know it makes you feel better to say that, but you just didn’t.

The F I didn't.....who do you think ensured my child was completing assignments during the school say? Who answered questions about the assignments or lessons when they weren't easy to understand over a computer? Who provided support and guidance to my child that they could in fact complete an assignment? Who came up with extra work to do when the school refused to provide the advanced academics the teacher recommended my child receive because the principal felt they were already stretching staff too thin to deal with level II services for early ES?

Go on, tell me that FCPS did all that....

We had our meeting recently. Very quick and easy. We provided receipts ahead of time and everything was approved.