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Anonymous wrote:To the poster who said "work is just for money"...where did you get this viewpoint?

If you mother had been a a scientist or oncologist or your father had been a therapist or human rights lawyer...you might not feel this way.

Many people devote their work lives to making the world a better place. That is a great source of pride and inspiration for their children.

Sort of sad that you don't get that.

I say this as part of a couple where we both have jobs that you mentioned on your list...your work life is not a source of pride and inspiration for your children. Maybe it will be when they become adults, but children, adolescents, and even young adults are generally pretty self-centered when it comes to their relationship with their parents.

My mother’s work was absolutely a source of pride for me as a kid. She wasn’t even anything really cool like a civil rights lawyer, just an executive at a midsized corporation. But she had a secretary and reports and I thought that was amazing.

Anonymous wrote:To the poster who said "work is just for money"...where did you get this viewpoint?

If you mother had been a a scientist or oncologist or your father had been a therapist or human rights lawyer...you might not feel this way.

Many people devote their work lives to making the world a better place. That is a great source of pride and inspiration for their children.

Sort of sad that you don't get that.

I say this as part of a couple where we both have jobs that you mentioned on your list...your work life is not a source of pride and inspiration for your children. Maybe it will be when they become adults, but children, adolescents, and even young adults are generally pretty self-centered when it comes to their relationship with their parents.

Anonymous wrote:I’m always amused by the molehills of make work SAHMs try to conjure up to justify never having to work again.

My guess is that most mothers who SAH do so for a short period. After a job loss or a family move, they take a year or two to spend with the children before going back into the workforce. Or they take off work from maternity leave until their last child goes to preschool or K. Or they work through the early years with daycares or nannies, and stop later, to be more available for their teens. Or they go back to work as empty nesters. There are many reasons that people go back to paid employment after spending time away.

I find this whole thread to be strange and limiting. Scheduling out the next few decades of your own life is either a privilege, or boring/dull, or both.

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Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Well, millions of women do it. You have a charmed life.

Millions of women do it because they can’t afford another option (either SAH or hiring out yard work, cleaning, etc.)

But if your breadwinner DH isn’t willing to pay for it, you can’t afford it unless you have your own trust.

To the poster who said "work is just for money"...where did you get this viewpoint?

If you mother had been a a scientist or oncologist or your father had been a therapist or human rights lawyer...you might not feel this way.

Many people devote their work lives to making the world a better place. That is a great source of pride and inspiration for their children.

Sort of sad that you don't get that.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get all the responses from WOHMs that make it seem like they are heroes for working more. Yes, families with SAHMs overall work less because instead of two jobs plus all the house duties, there is one job plus all the house duties. It is just much nicer for everyone if you can swing it.

And I am puzzled by all the WOHMs on here who are low status feds, or middle managers at some company or NGO, who make it seem like they have this amazing professional life that they'd never want to give up to raise kids or take care of the home. I mean, whatever you have to tell yourself....

People always tell themselves a lot of things to get through their days. This is the same category of delusion as some of the DCUM SAHMs who live with controlling, condescending, jerks of men who obviously see their wives as little more than glorified servants. They can talk all they want about their amazing marriage and partnership but as an outsider, the truth of their marriage is immediately obvious from their own descriptions of their lives.

The truth is that people on DCUM write a lot that's performative in the SAHM/WOHM DCUM thunderdomes. If you are actually "puzzled" by this, welcome to the internet. Ask your kids how it works.

I don't care if you SAHM or WOHM (I have done both) but there is way too much martyrdom on this thread. It's okay to not be "productive" 100% of the time. It's okay to have free time and be able to relax, and that is not something that should be reserved for rich people or SAHMs with "high earning" husbands. It's a basic human right.

I work part time both because it allows me to present for my kid after school, but ALSO because it allows me to have more free time and not have to go-go-go all the time, which is what working full time would be for me. I basically had an epiphany during my maternity leave where I realized that I don't need to feel guilty for doing things like reading a novel on a Tuesday afternoon or spending a lazy morning wandering a museum with my kid. It's okay to enjoy your life and to not be producing all the time, regardless of how you and your family arrange your work/family balance or your finances.

We are solidly middle class (combined HHI of around 140k) and could have a lot more money if we both worked more demanding careers. We don't want to. We want to enjoy our life. We impress the importance of work and financial stability on our child, but we are also teaching her the value of having boundaries with your work and not losing track of what really matters.

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Anonymous wrote:Serious question: what do you do with the six+ Hours when your kids are out of the house? I can’t imagine having that much time for myself every day. I mean, any logistics/chores could all be done within three hours. And with no boss breathing down your neck. I can see how your husband could be resentful.

Not OP but it isn’t that much time. Not OP, but I workout at a gym daily and between going there, taking a shower, running some errands, cleaning up areas of the house (I do a daily pick up plus deep clean parts on a weekly schedule), yard work, I bake our bread daily and cook meals from scratch and that is very time consuming too. Six hours flies by.

I went back and reread this post and honestly think this person has to be trolling and mocking SAHMs. I honestly don't see any SAHM listing showering as a meaningful contribution, I just don't.

I agree. It seems like folks are just baiting each other with nonsense comments.

A SAHM defines her job as parenting. When you ask what she does when the kids are in school and she isn’t parenting, then you are going to get a list of leisure activities.

I work about 30 hours a week, in person, in healthcare. Most of my work hours are not during school hours.
If you ask me what I do during the school day, I will have pretty much the same answer as the SAHMs on this thread. I take the kids to and from school, do some housework, shower, read, see friends, call my mom, take the kids to the dentist, etc.
Just because someone is not working during the hours you work doesn’t mean they are lazy, never working, or leading a meaningless life.

If my DH told me to get another job from 7-3 while the kids are in school, I would tell him that I’m not doing two jobs. And if my husband expected me to do all of the housework/meal prep, random logistics with the house and kids, and be responsible for all childcare every evening and weekend, I would say the same thing.

The thing is most SAHMs highlight the importance of their being at home beyond the preschool years as being able to take care of household chores, so not leisure time this listing showering and going to the gym seems a bit out of place.

No. They really don’t. Most SAHMs consider the importance of their being at home as being able to take care of their families, not their houses or their chores.

Yes and 99 % of the time when being a SAHM is discussed they highlight taking care of household chores as a huge benefit. It's mentioned right in this very thread. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong.

Sure. Even though I WOH, having time to get chores done is a huge benefit of my being at home during the school day. It’s right up there with being home when school closes, snow days, teacher work days, sick kids, doctor’s appointments, and all of the other things that SAHMs mention when asked what they do during the school day.

That doesn’t mean that those things are my entire contribution to the world or that I consider those hours during the school day to be my main job.

If you want to know what SAHMs are doing, then ask what they are doing when their kids are home. Asking what they are doing during their downtime and the judging them for taking a shower is ridiculous.

I don't get all the responses from WOHMs that make it seem like they are heroes for working more. Yes, families with SAHMs overall work less because instead of two jobs plus all the house duties, there is one job plus all the house duties. It is just much nicer for everyone if you can swing it.

And I am puzzled by all the WOHMs on here who are low status feds, or middle managers at some company or NGO, who make it seem like they have this amazing professional life that they'd never want to give up to raise kids or take care of the home. I mean, whatever you have to tell yourself....

All these "I don't want to" posts are obnoxious.

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Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Why do you assume our husbands are like your husbands who do nothing around the house?

This is always puzzling. A lot of the justification here is, "you should SAH because all husbands suck," when they really should read, "I SAH because *my* husband sucks, and if I didn't SAH I'd be very resentful." Those are nto the same thing.

+1 Not all of us married helpless manbabies.

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Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Why do you assume our husbands are like your husbands who do nothing around the house?

This is always puzzling. A lot of the justification here is, "you should SAH because all husbands suck," when they really should read, "I SAH because *my* husband sucks, and if I didn't SAH I'd be very resentful." Those are nto the same thing.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Well, millions of women do it. You have a charmed life.

Millions of women do it because they can’t afford another option (either SAH or hiring out yard work, cleaning, etc.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

Ok well that honestly sounds miserable to me. I don’t want to live like that. Luckily I don’t have to.

I know that sounds obnoxious BUT you’re going to get an obnoxious answer if you ask an obnoxious question.

+ 1

NP. It sounds awful.

Why should I spend evenings and weekends doing house and yard work while he gets to have time off?
I would be working non stop between house, kids, yard and “actual” work. I don’t want to.

Well, millions of women do it. You have a charmed life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:RE: What do SAHMs do for 6 hours

Well, what do YOU do on the weekends? SAHMs do that. Don't you have any hobbies? Do you read, work out, listen to podcasts? Do you have pets? Do you ever clean your house? Do you ever volunteer somewhere?

Is it hard for you to fill six hours on a Saturday? It's really not that much time.

Umm on weekends I do the yard work, food shopping, cooking for the week, laundry and prepare everyone for the week ahead. I then rely in the work I did in the weekend to get me through my week of working full time and shuttling kids to sports.

I have a hard time fully comprehending how they fill their days if the sole focus is ‘supporting the house and family’.

NP and working mom. I COULD fill the time but I certainly don't need it to do the things that have been listed. Are SAHM just inefficient? I don't outsource, I work full time, I cook meals from scratch, I exercise, and I go to work. We get it done, the kids help, it's all good. And to the PP who said plenty of people retire early or are wealthy and stay home, sure - but I bet their spouse isn't grinding out 40+ hour work weeks while they sit at home in retirement bliss and eat bonbons or listen to podcasts. I completely understand why a working spouse would want the SAHP to get a job when the kids are in school all day.

+1

Dual-income parents manage this all the time. Expecting someone to work full time to support you so you can have six hours a day to do whatever you want is not automatically reasonable. If you managed all the cooking, cleaning, driving, errands, school volunteering when you had younger kids (which is what OP seems to be suggesting), it's not clear why you need the extra 6-8 hours a day without any childcare duties. There really isn't any reason you can't work at least part time, other than that you don't want to.

I mean, obviously people are different but my husband always knew this was the way it was going to go. You can't ask someone to dip out of the workforce for 10-15 years (which is what it was for us with our kids' ages plus the Pandemic) then jump back in after such a long gap. He always said, you're putting in the hard work up front then you get to "retire" early. He has no problem with the fact that I have a lot of leisure time to myself. I still do the cleaning, laundry, chores, etc. but yeah I do have a lot of leisure time, which we both see as a perk of the "job."