Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

Why do people keep saying this. Of course it's their choice. No one -literally- is saying they can do as they please. But, the choices have an affect on others, number one. They way this goes is they limit attendance and then the couple gets pissy when you decline (or their parents, or grandma/grandpa).

And in many families weddings have traditionally been akin to family reunions as it may be the only time you see family from far away. That's how it was until the younger generations started limiting things. Fine. I'm just not coming then. And keep your complaints aobut it to yourself.

Nobody actually cares if you don't attend. REALLY.

The only time I’ve seen a bride IRL be upset that someone couldn’t attend was when that someone basically arranged a boycott of the wedding because her precious children weren’t invited. It caused a rift in the family for years.

Other than that, most brides are pretty much good as long as the groom shows up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

Why do people keep saying this. Of course it's their choice. No one -literally- is saying they can do as they please. But, the choices have an affect on others, number one. They way this goes is they limit attendance and then the couple gets pissy when you decline (or their parents, or grandma/grandpa).

And in many families weddings have traditionally been akin to family reunions as it may be the only time you see family from far away. That's how it was until the younger generations started limiting things. Fine. I'm just not coming then. And keep your complaints aobut it to yourself.

Nobody actually cares if you don't attend. REALLY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.

Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.

You mean families were invited to weddings. That's great.
N
There's still no such thing as "family weddings," in both church and state. Do show me where I'm wrong.

And P.S. no one misses you at the "millennial weddings," Nance.

Given how much I heard about my absence, they did Karen.

Uh huh.

Dear lord people. Just get a damn babysitter. Tired kids staying up late is not fun for anyone. If it’s during the day, and your kids aren’t old enough to be quiet at the ceremony and behaved at the event, they aren’t making the wedding more “fun”. And I’ve been to both kids of weddings. You don’t get to put your views on the bride and groom, or the brides family if they are hosting. So selfish.

Anonymous wrote:Ask her to provide a list of local sitters.

Google is your friend. Bride is busy as it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

Why do people keep saying this. Of course it's their choice. No one -literally- is saying they can do as they please. But, the choices have an affect on others, number one. They way this goes is they limit attendance and then the couple gets pissy when you decline (or their parents, or grandma/grandpa).

And in many families weddings have traditionally been akin to family reunions as it may be the only time you see family from far away. That's how it was until the younger generations started limiting things. Fine. I'm just not coming then. And keep your complaints aobut it to yourself.

If you want a family reunion then plan a family reunion. The bride/groom decide and don’t want your kids there. People use the word “tradition” to try to manipulate others into doing what they want. Sometimes you have to look beyond your own family and see that others want to do different things. If you get upset then that is your problem to deal with.

I can understand why people want no-kid weddings. But since I have 50/50 custody of mine, if it fell on a weekend I had custody, I’d have to pass. Not giving up time with my kids for a wedding.

Not sure what I would have done when I was married, but probably xH would have stayed home and I’d go alone. I was dying for some time away from him, though! Maybe we should be having “no plus 1” weddings? Spouse stays at home so we can really let loose?

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

Why do people keep saying this. Of course it's their choice. No one -literally- is saying they can do as they please. But, the choices have an affect on others, number one. They way this goes is they limit attendance and then the couple gets pissy when you decline (or their parents, or grandma/grandpa).

And in many families weddings have traditionally been akin to family reunions as it may be the only time you see family from far away. That's how it was until the younger generations started limiting things. Fine. I'm just not coming then. And keep your complaints aobut it to yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you engage in illegal behavior or in some kind of cult, there's no such thing as a "family weddings."

There are only weddings between two individuals who may or may not choose to invite family members and friends. A *select* group of family members and friends.

Well, you dont get to decide that for everyone. In our family, on both sides, "family weddings" actually were a thing. There was precedent and an expectation. And they were fun. That changed with the millennial generation (shocker). I just don't go to those.

You mean families were invited to weddings. That's great.

There's still no such thing as "family weddings," in both church and state. Do show me where I'm wrong.

And P.S. no one misses you at the "millennial weddings," Nance.

Given how much I heard about my absence, they did Karen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

People can have an adults only party. If you don't like their choices you don't have to go. Your opinion on what weddings are supposed to be about is irrelevant.
Either go and leave your child at home with your husband,
bring your husband and get a sitter for child.
or politely decline, and you are not allowed to feel resentful of the host's choices about what kind of wedding they have.

I think this has been said before. Did you even read anyone else's comments?

Anonymous wrote:I’m just curious how others feel and would handle out of state, family weddings where your child isn’t invited. I would like to go, we have a small family and it’s my only cousin but I think it’s rude to not invite our daughter since, in my opinion, weddings are about celebrating with family and friends (including kids!). My parents will be at the wedding and my husbands family lives abroad so they are unable to help.... most likely my husband will be skipping the festivities, which makes me sad. Again, just curious how people would react - it’s making me feel sad but I don’t want to cause hurt feelings by not attending.

People can have an adults only party. If you don't like their choices you don't have to go. Your opinion on what weddings are supposed to be about is irrelevant.
Either go and leave your child at home with your husband,
bring your husband and get a sitter for child.
or politely decline, and you are not allowed to feel resentful of the host's choices about what kind of wedding they have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids belong at weddings, if only pour encourager les autres.

Dunno what I'd do if I had a close relative throw a No Kids Allowed one. I guess I'd go, were not not too inconvenient logistically, but would sit with other parents, passive-aggressively discussing how adorable infants are.

What a miserable way to spend an evening with your spouse? I’d enjoy a lovely meal where I didn’t have to remind anyone that napkins go in laps, enjoy a few glasses of wine without doing the math about when I needed to nurse, look amazing for my husband without worrying about spit up on my clothes or whether my dress allowed me to breastfeed...and see the adorable infants literally hours later. I would be bored to tears if all anyone wanted to talk about was children, and I’m a huge fan of mine!

First of all, there is a big difference between a 7 year old and an infant. I think we all can agree infants are a lot more work and don't need to be there ( unless young enough to just nurse and sleep) Second of all, I have never been in a group of people ( with my infant) where we talked endlessly about said infant. We would talk a few minutes about "cuteness" and then talk about other things...family news,. the weather, sports, politics.

When my kids were in my brother's wedding ( six and three) I let go a lot of the manners and let them eat what they want ( they were pretty neat eaters so not worried about that) We went to the wedding, reception and left early. It was all fine!

But, if the couple did not want my kids there I would have followed their rules but, perhaps would have been unable to attend. That is the risk, couples have to make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems like many people are confusing wedding with family reunion. Yes it’s great to see family and all the cousins babies friends plus1s and anyone else who wants to show up. BUT a wedding is about two people getting married and considerably expensive. It’s their choice not yours.

That is kind of an interesting perspective.

I never really thought about it as being about the two of us. The marriage is about the two of us, for sure. We invited people to the ceremony because people wanted to come and see us get married. We had a reception because a lot of people were flying in or driving a long way, and it seemed kind of crappy not to at least feed them after the ceremony. Maybe the wedding is about the two people getting married, but the reception is for the people who came out to be with you. It isn't about everyone you know trying to give you this special, magical day.

OK Kim Kardashian, everybody doesn’t have thousands or even millions of dollars to invite and pay for hundreds of all of their friends and relatives. And it’s really asinine that you would not admit that, realize that, or take that into consideration when talking about other people’s’ plans for, YES, THEIR special day !
Guess what? It’s a wedding it’s just that it’s a wedding it’s one of event, it’s not a lifetime and if you judge a lifetime of familial relationships
over one event that your behind is not paying for that says more about you than it does about the couple.

I guess you can see your family how you want to. I felt grateful that the people who came wanted to be present.
I didn’t feel entitled to have everyone I know jump hoops to make my SPECIAL DAY all about me. It’s just a different perspective.

Are you stupid? It’s about budget everybody does not have the budget to have all the kids in their family at their wedding what is it that you weren’t understanding about that?

It’s rarely about budget. If it were about budget, then the kids wouldn’t be invited to the family reunion either.
IME, the more expensive a wedding is, the less likely it is that children are invited.

Are you smoking meth? a wedding is not the same as a family reunion are you kidding me just one person or just one couple throw do not throw a family reunion.

Lol...I think I’m a bit more country than you guys are . I don’t think I have ever received a line item bill for my part of a family get together, and I’ve never issued one when I’ve hosted.
I’ve also been to a number of weddings where people other than the couple contributed food and drinks, (typically kids invited), and ones where people were expected to show up with envelopes full of hundreds (typically no kids invited).
It has NOT been my experience that people aren’t inviting kids because they can’t afford it.

Our family reunions are at two beach houses and involve catered dinners, so yes, everyone pays the portion full r their family unit. We’ve also rebated cabins at a mountain resort and ate at the restaurants in the lodge.

If it was a BBQ at a public park like yours, sure, I’d happily cover the bill myself.

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a nighttime wedding which IMO is incompatible with children. It was nice to have a beautiful adult affair before children took over my life lol.

At an evening reception there were sibs kids plus some others invited. Others were not. They fit within the capacity limit of the venue. These were the cost free declined baby sitting offers:
1. hotel suite with 3-4 sitters for ceremony and/or reception or as needed
2. 3-4 sitters at ceremony placed next to parents or stationed in the back of church as needed
3. church had big vestibule plus room to use and large terrace out front with grassy areas and gardens.

Parents and relatives including aunts, cousins, grandparents said they'd help etc so no need. Reality of that? GP's etc in gowns, tuxes or cocktail attire are not relinquishing their adult beautiful time so the parents can have their adult beautiful time.

So if kids not invited there can be option 1. If a teen isn't invited they can be part of the babysitting and get paid. There are capacity limits and what used to hold 125 might now be 50 or less. The babysitting area isn't part of that 50.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t want to bring my kids to a wedding. They are too much work and I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself.

I don’t think anyone is forcing you.

I don’t think I have ever been to a wedding where anyone local has brought their kids. It’s more people who are coming in from out of town, and want to turn it into a little vacation and introduce their kids to relatives they don’t see often who are all gathered in one place.

In my family, people bring their kids to funerals as well for similar reasons.