You need to tell your daughter that you're paying for one main each, and if they want more then they can pay for it.

I’d just tell him straight out. “We’re just paying for one entree per person. That’s just how our family does it.” Or “our budget today is around $15 per person.” It’s not unreasonable to have a limited amount to spend on takeout.

My husband did this when we were first dating and my folks or his would take us out to dinner - a drink, the appetizer, the entree (expensive because he only eats seafood, not other meat dishes). No dessert because he doesn’t really like dessert but maybe a second drink. I found it stressful at the time. As I got to know him better, I learned about the fairly disordered relationship he has with food. He’s struggled with his weight his entire life, and this is part of why: he orders this way when he’s paying too and he doesn’t seem to notice or care to adapt his behavior to match a different social situation. That said, the one time I commented on it directly to him, he was really hurt and embarrassed (even though it was just us in the room). He was a lot more self conscious about food for a while and over the years, I’ve just done the things others do. Avoid the pressure for him by mostly cooking at home and trading stuff like calamari for grilled shrimp etc. Order a bunch of stuff to share as a family without getting input from anyone. Consider it a special occasion and let it slide, be happy for him that he got XYZ thing he really likes but doesn’t get often because we don’t get a lot of takeout.

Make something cheap at home when he’s around. Pasta, baked potato bar, tacos, hot dogs, etc. If DD suggests ordering out you simply say that your credit card has taken a beating and you need a break from the giant takeout orders - unless they’re volunteering to pay. See if she offers!

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a lot of snacks at the house and does he feel welcome to eat whenever he’s hungry?

Maybe he’s so hungry he orders a lot.

But he doesn't finish it all, at least in the Taco bell example. That's what's rude to me but he's probably clueless, and intentionally so. College boys aren't the most aware - their brains aren't done developing. Desserts and apps are rarely worth the money - if he is truly a hungry man, allow for additional main courses. Help him out, as others have said, with guidelines.

OP--I would give your daughter a heads up to say, i'm ordering from Pizza Hut at 5. I'm getting you and BF your own large pizza, what kind do you want? If she asks for bread or cinnamon sticks, you say "not tonight" or "not this time".

Also, I think you should be more appreciative that your daughter is spending time at home and around her family. Would you prefer she be at her BF's all this time instead? You definitely wouldn't have this food issue, but you'd also not be the recipient of all this time spent with your daughter and someone she cares about.

Maybe he grew up ordering that. That is how I grew up. It was odd when I got to college that people didn’t order 3 courses.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DDs bf always ordered steak whenever we would take DD and him out to eat (in the Before Times), so usually his meal cost a bit more than what hubs or I would order. The first time caught us off guard, and it rankled a bit. But then we considered: this kid has known food insecurity. Steak is a food that sparks joy for him--and that shows in the gracious thanks he gives whenever he's treated to it.

To me, the issue not how much the bf orders but whether the bf shows any appreciation--in words or deeds.

You should have taught him to look at prices as if he's ever out with a future employer or someone else it can be considered rude and he not get hired.

This is a good point. It could reflect on him socially and professionally and is always good to have some self-awareness.

I don't think people get all the reasons their kids don't get invited back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

Your family's diet is nasty. But really, if you need to count your pennies at taco bell, you should stop ordering takeout altogether.

DP. Most of us here are on a budget. I went through Jiffy Lube to change oil yesterday, they told me the filter is gross and showed me. I certainly changed it but it did give me pause that it was $40 extra.
OP do not give a thought to this comment on your diet. Do what suits your family. Boyfriend has no manners and only thinks of himself. He is rude. And no shame in counting pennies either!

Taco Bell IS nasty. OP is on a budget yet constantly eating junk takeout, treating people, then complaining about it. She's the one with the problem.

Adult boyfriend is taking advantage of the hospitality. Nobody likes being taken advantage of. Hopefully he at least offers to wash the dishes or help out around the house.

What dishes? It's just fast food wrappers. Maybe he can clean the toilets after the inevitable.

People put pizza on plates sometimes. I hope they don’t just hover around their personal pizza box.

I picture OP's family eating pizza off paper towels. Or maybe paper plates if it's somebody's birthday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DDs bf always ordered steak whenever we would take DD and him out to eat (in the Before Times), so usually his meal cost a bit more than what hubs or I would order. The first time caught us off guard, and it rankled a bit. But then we considered: this kid has known food insecurity. Steak is a food that sparks joy for him--and that shows in the gracious thanks he gives whenever he's treated to it.

To me, the issue not how much the bf orders but whether the bf shows any appreciation--in words or deeds.

You should have taught him to look at prices as if he's ever out with a future employer or someone else it can be considered rude and he not get hired.

This is a good point. It could reflect on him socially and professionally and is always good to have some self-awareness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

Your family's diet is nasty. But really, if you need to count your pennies at taco bell, you should stop ordering takeout altogether.

DP. Most of us here are on a budget. I went through Jiffy Lube to change oil yesterday, they told me the filter is gross and showed me. I certainly changed it but it did give me pause that it was $40 extra.
OP do not give a thought to this comment on your diet. Do what suits your family. Boyfriend has no manners and only thinks of himself. He is rude. And no shame in counting pennies either!

Taco Bell IS nasty. OP is on a budget yet constantly eating junk takeout, treating people, then complaining about it. She's the one with the problem.

Adult boyfriend is taking advantage of the hospitality. Nobody likes being taken advantage of. Hopefully he at least offers to wash the dishes or help out around the house.

What dishes? It's just fast food wrappers. Maybe he can clean the toilets after the inevitable.

People put pizza on plates sometimes. I hope they don’t just hover around their personal pizza box.

Anonymous wrote:DDs bf always ordered steak whenever we would take DD and him out to eat (in the Before Times), so usually his meal cost a bit more than what hubs or I would order. The first time caught us off guard, and it rankled a bit. But then we considered: this kid has known food insecurity. Steak is a food that sparks joy for him--and that shows in the gracious thanks he gives whenever he's treated to it.

To me, the issue not how much the bf orders but whether the bf shows any appreciation--in words or deeds.

You should have taught him to look at prices as if he's ever out with a future employer or someone else it can be considered rude and he not get hired.

Do you have a lot of snacks at the house and does he feel welcome to eat whenever he’s hungry?

Maybe he’s so hungry he orders a lot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed how many people think it is ok to take advantage of the generosity of others. Just because someone offers to buy you dinner, you don’t go all out and two main dishes, extras, or the most expensive thing on the menu! Sheesh! This is basic manners people. When you were single and went on dates, did you order two entrees? Dessert and appetizers? Dial back your greed a little when spending someone else’s money.

None of the examples given were excessive --

1. Ordering an extra sandwich from fast food (Chick Fil-A)
2. Ordering an appetizer and dessert along with an entree - normal people do that in a restaurant. I usually don't order in dessert because it doesn't travel all that well
3. Asking for an appetizer after his girlfriend asked the parent for an appetizer and dessert and parent said yes (he was following the lead)
4. Buying a bunch of small things at Taco Bell.

This is not getting the lobster or the filet mignon or the truffle oil. Cheap fast food places were the only time there was any request for what could be considered "two entrees". I don't use the word "entree" when thinking of Taco Bell or Chick-Fil-A.

Mom let the daughter buy extra and didn't say anything -- young man didn't know this was a test for him.

That's not normal. Growing up we only ordered an entree except a rare occasion. Same now. My kid might order one-two appetizers but then no entree so same price.

Anonymous wrote:I’m conceding on the Chick-fil-A.

Here’s another example. DH texts and says he’s ordering pizza and what would we like. I say I’ll share DS’s cheese pizza. DD and her bf each order their own. Ok fine (I’m thinking why can’t they share but ok). The bf chooses the most expensive pizza. DD says can we also get xx appetizer and cinnamon pull apartment. I’m thinking ok that’s fine we will share that. And then the bf chimes in and requests ANOTHER appetizer on top of what DD has requested.

Ok and here’s a Taco Bell order: “1 beefy fritos burrito and 1 shredded chicken burrito please, Also, can we do the party pack with the 5 layer burritos in the mix instead of the bean burritos”

I mean, is this really normal?

Yes, he’s annoying. It could either mean he’s self centered, or that he is just clueless or that when he was growing up, they would order everything.

If he’s a good kid, I would let it go.