Anonymous wrote:I'm the Op. I found a therapist I like and we meet weekly. I think it's helping. Ex husband introduced our child to the OW, they had dinner at his place. Child didn't say much, but said she was "nice and a good cook". I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting. I smiled and let my child talk. At the end of the day I want my child to be happy. I guess this is our new normal.

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Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

Damn, this is some advanced level gaslighting.

No, she shouldn’t appreciate that her mom let her own anger and resentment interfere with her relationship with her dad. In this case, dad was the one who provided a safe and peaceful home. No matter how angry and hurt you are at your ex-husband, it’s not an excuse to wound your child. “Breaking up the home” — that’s on him. But everything, absolutely everything that follows is on both of you. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse.

And telling a child who is frankly relating her own experiences that she’s been “brainwashed” (lol) is exactly the kind of self-serving bullshit that I guess permits you to act like her mother did.

Anonymous wrote:I wrote it into the agreement that the AP was never to meet our children unless they got engaged with a ring and a date certain. And if they violated that I would absolutely go to court to get a contempt order. And I would tell the kids every detail about what happened. And she doesn’t doubt for a second that I would do these things.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the Op. I found a therapist I like and we meet weekly. I think it's helping. Ex husband introduced our child to the OW, they had dinner at his place. Child didn't say much, but said she was "nice and a good cook". I'd be lying if I said it didn't sting. I smiled and let my child talk. At the end of the day I want my child to be happy. I guess this is our new normal.

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Anonymous wrote:You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.

I don't want to control him, but I should have a say-so who is around my child.

You have 50% of a say-so because you are divorced. Unless you believe your child is literally in grave danger, you have 0% of say so about what happens on your ex’s time.

This is sadly true. Thanks boomer feminists for no fault divorce!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t control him anymore. You’re divorced. Move on.

I don't want to control him, but I should have a say-so who is around my child.

You have 50% of a say-so because you are divorced. Unless you believe your child is literally in grave danger, you have 0% of say so about what happens on your ex’s time.

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Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

I’m the poster you’re responding to. How can you not see that what you’re saying here is exactly the kind of thing that drove me away from my mother? I’m not blaming anyone, they were adults and their relationship was their business. My relationship with each of them is separate and distinct from their relationship with each other. My mom didn’t see that and made my relationship with her about her and her hate for my dad. My dad made his relationship with me about me and him. That is why my relationship with her is strained. It’s been 20 years since they divorced and every conversation with her still comes around to my dad and the divorce. She’s spent 20 years stewing in toxicity instead of living. Not buying into that isn’t brainwashing, it’s self preservation.

I agree she wasted a lot of years over someone who isn't a good person. The problem I have is you believing he's not to blame. He shares 99% of the mess you and you're other are in today.

Get your mom a therapist, and tell her how you feel. She's wasted a lot of oxygen on horrible people, and no doubt he cheated on the mistress along the way somewhere...

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

Damn, this is some advanced level gaslighting.

No, she shouldn’t appreciate that her mom let her own anger and resentment interfere with her relationship with her dad. In this case, dad was the one who provided a safe and peaceful home. No matter how angry and hurt you are at your ex-husband, it’s not an excuse to wound your child. “Breaking up the home” — that’s on him. But everything, absolutely everything that follows is on both of you. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse.

And telling a child who is frankly relating her own experiences that she’s been “brainwashed” (lol) is exactly the kind of self-serving bullshit that I guess permits you to act like her mother did.

100%. There are some (presumably) cheated on women here who are just pitbulls about having "defended their marrages" and like the person above, it's like they're guadians of a pile of dog shit and just looking for someone to blame. 20 years in and you're still salty someone messed with your shit pile relationship? Get real. This person comes off like a loon.

Good lord, is that ever accurate.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

I’m the poster you’re responding to. How can you not see that what you’re saying here is exactly the kind of thing that drove me away from my mother? I’m not blaming anyone, they were adults and their relationship was their business. My relationship with each of them is separate and distinct from their relationship with each other. My mom didn’t see that and made my relationship with her about her and her hate for my dad. My dad made his relationship with me about me and him. That is why my relationship with her is strained. It’s been 20 years since they divorced and every conversation with her still comes around to my dad and the divorce. She’s spent 20 years stewing in toxicity instead of living. Not buying into that isn’t brainwashing, it’s self preservation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

Damn, this is some advanced level gaslighting.

No, she shouldn’t appreciate that her mom let her own anger and resentment interfere with her relationship with her dad. In this case, dad was the one who provided a safe and peaceful home. No matter how angry and hurt you are at your ex-husband, it’s not an excuse to wound your child. “Breaking up the home” — that’s on him. But everything, absolutely everything that follows is on both of you. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse.

And telling a child who is frankly relating her own experiences that she’s been “brainwashed” (lol) is exactly the kind of self-serving bullshit that I guess permits you to act like her mother did.

100%. There are some (presumably) cheated on women here who are just pitbulls about having "defended their marrages" and like the person above, it's like they're guadians of a pile of dog shit and just looking for someone to blame. 20 years in and you're still salty someone messed with your shit pile relationship? Get real. This person comes off like a loon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

Damn, this is some advanced level gaslighting.

No, she shouldn’t appreciate that her mom let her own anger and resentment interfere with her relationship with her dad. In this case, dad was the one who provided a safe and peaceful home. No matter how angry and hurt you are at your ex-husband, it’s not an excuse to wound your child. “Breaking up the home” — that’s on him. But everything, absolutely everything that follows is on both of you. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse.

And telling a child who is frankly relating her own experiences that she’s been “brainwashed” (lol) is exactly the kind of self-serving bullshit that I guess permits you to act like her mother did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Find a therapist to talk to so you can get peace about it. You cannot control whether or not the other woman is in your life or in your child’s life, because your child is still also your ex’s child.

I’m sure this is very painful and I’m sorry, but you have to learn to live with it. The more you are at peace with it, the better it will be for your child.

I hear you, but how do I make peace with someone who blew up our whole world for another woman?

Let karma take care of that. Chances are they will implode, and you need to make sure your hands are clean of it. Let your daughter figure it out on her own. Time is the great equalizer.

I'm pretty sure she's infertile so karma has already started

probably from std infections

lol I agree it usually comes back around. My sil was left after 30 years out of nowhere. The OW ended up dying and her ex did a few years after. Depression and drinking. He tried to get back with sil but she never talked to him after the divorce.

OP just keep her happily active, plus she knows what her dad is. Don't speak to the OW, she's nothing to your child. Instead talk to your ex explaining how your child wants visits but only with him - not the OW. Keep them both out of your life, and move on. Best for you and your child.

Her dad is her dad. Please don’t try and ruin his relationship with your daughter. My dad left my mom for another woman when I was 10. She fought tooth and nail to keep me away from my stepmom. It created so many problems, so much conflict that I just couldn’t deal with it. She was successful in keeping me away until I was 13, when they had my stepbrother and I wanted to have a relationship with him. When I went to my dads it was so peaceful, there was no pressure to trash my mom, no one was asking about what she did or said. When I would go back to my moms she’s be so angry at my dad, at me, at my stepmom, and my stepbrother.

20 years later I live across the country from both of them, but when I go home it’s to my dads. He might have left my mom, but he didn’t try and ruin people’s lives out of spite. I do visit my mom and she’s still resentful and angry. It’s so sad.

Yes your dad did try to ruin lives. He cheated on his family and left them. You can't even understand what that did to your mom and put all the blame on her. Your mom should get help to cope better, but really your dad is the only one to blame.

You should appreciate your mom for trying to give you a stable home which your dad tore apart. Sadly you're blaming the wrong person which feels like insult to injury to your mother. He was able to brainwash you sadly, and shouldn't have had more kids since he wasn't a good role model or father to begin with.

Damn, this is some advanced level gaslighting.

No, she shouldn’t appreciate that her mom let her own anger and resentment interfere with her relationship with her dad. In this case, dad was the one who provided a safe and peaceful home. No matter how angry and hurt you are at your ex-husband, it’s not an excuse to wound your child. “Breaking up the home” — that’s on him. But everything, absolutely everything that follows is on both of you. Being cheated on isn’t an excuse.

And telling a child who is frankly relating her own experiences that she’s been “brainwashed” (lol) is exactly the kind of self-serving bullshit that I guess permits you to act like her mother did.