I'm sorry if this has been covered - but I can't read all 18 pages.

What I guess I don't understand are those that don't get how this could affect kids - bringing up sexual energy/effort vs. time with kids etc as if that's the argument.

Thing is - although my dad's affair didn't affect me personally - the fact that he could do something so shady to my mother is what changed the dynamic. To know that your parent's character is so terrible that they could do something like that to the other parent whom the child presumably loves just as much is very hurtful. And it does create questions - even as a adult - about how sincere your cheating parent was with you. Whether that is logical or not is beside the point - it's simply where your mind goes to when faced with the situation.

And again - just personally, knowing that my dad could do something so hurtful to someone that I love is hurtful to me. He should have asked for a divorce. Our relationship would have been much better (he's since passed) - and I don't think of him as fondly as I think I would have had the discretions not occurred.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

These events have nothing to do with her. The fact that she (claims to be) affected is so weird!

Rational or not, the children of cheating parent(s) often suffer severe negative emotions once they are confronted with their parent(s)' infidelity. Even as adult children. It makes them feel like their times of innocence were filled with lies. It puts strains on the relationship between the child and the parent.

I don't think it's the time component, but rather the dishonesty by the parent with the rest of the family - "If dad was lying about this, what else did he lie about?" etc.

It's absurd to expect parents to spend all their free time with their children. That's not healthy. But the dishonesty is likely way more damaging that spending one hour per week with an AP. A parent can still be super involved in their kid's life and still cheat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

These events have nothing to do with her. The fact that she (claims to be) affected is so weird!

Again, who are you to say what should affect her? It clearly did. You are going to dictate what people should feel?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.

Sexual energy is not the same energy that you'd use toward your children... I hope. You can chew gum and walk at the same time.

Wrong. Every moment you are having sex you could be spending time with your kids. So you are depriving them when you have sex, although depending who you bump genitals with will factor on whether your absentee parenting will be a negative or big negative. Follow along with the logic please.

Wrong. Normal married adults spend plenty of time having sex. (And if not with one another, then elsewhere). Regardless, this does NOT impact the relationship with kids! You are sounding like an asexual weirdo.

Every moment you are having sex you could be spending time with your kids.

Nope. Nor is it the case that every moment I’m having sex I could be doing chores. No sex does lead to less interest in those things though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

These events have nothing to do with her. The fact that she (claims to be) affected is so weird!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.

So you dad told you who he is, and is not, having sex with? Otherwise how exactly did he lie to you?
As to putting energy elsewhere: his romantic sexual energy has NOTHING to do with his children, and your mom did not want this energy, therefore nobody in the family was cheated of anything.
Again, it's YOU who has some weird issue here, confusing an adult's sexual behavior with their child relations. These are totally unrelated (excluding incestuous pedophiles).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.

Sexual energy is not the same energy that you'd use toward your children... I hope. You can chew gum and walk at the same time.

Wrong. Every moment you are having sex you could be spending time with your kids. So you are depriving them when you have sex, although depending who you bump genitals with will factor on whether your absentee parenting will be a negative or big negative. Follow along with the logic please.

^I don’t know about BPD (maybe it’s true?) but you are still blaming the daughter? Who are you to blame her about feeling a certain way to a situation? Are you now going to dictate that to others? Who made you the god of all feelings?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

it's very typical of people with BPD to tell the person they wrong that there is something wrong with the person and their feeling are because of them instead of what as done to them.

It's textbook.

WTF? you're making a diagnosis of BPD based upon a sentence typed on an anonymous message board. You should get yourself checked out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.

Sexual energy is not the same energy that you'd use toward your children... I hope. You can chew gum and walk at the same time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

it's very typical of people with BPD to tell the person they wrong that there is something wrong with the person and their feeling are because of them instead of what as done to them.

It's textbook.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

Are you blaming her as opposed to the dad who did this? Who are you to tell her how certain events affected her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.

You are a sociopath. It has nothing to do with sex life, it's about lies and putting energy somewhere other than your children... you could have used the time and energy on your kids, but you didn't.

You will never understand since you are too f'd in the head.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 teens amd I am a serial cheater. I demand discretion and have never been caught. I won’t get caught as I am ultra careful and leave no evidence whatsoever. How do I not think about my kids? Simple. That is not part of their lives.

My dad was like you. Found out later in life. Only so long you can hide it. It destroyed my relationship with both my parents, especially my dad. I no longer trust him and think any of the good in my childhood was a shame.

There is something very wrong that you would be so heavily invested in your father's sex life and I suspect you struggle with relationships in general.