Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is, I know the woman who wrote this story - she definitely comes from money, attended private school and has an apartment almost certainly paid for by mommy and daddy.

It's an "as told to." The name attached is not the woman it is about

I know that - I think it’s funny that it was “told” to someone who embodies all of the things the storyteller hates/envies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is, I know the woman who wrote this story - she definitely comes from money, attended private school and has an apartment almost certainly paid for by mommy and daddy.

It's an "as told to." The name attached is not the woman it is about

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know what’s crazy? As a woman, she can solve most of her problems just by marrying “well” (someone she loves who happens to make a lot of money or at least a professional salary).

I wonder why she has not gotten serious about this route.

Are you joking? A person as bitter and angry as her will only attract the same (birds of a feather). No only she can fix her problems and it’s starts with attitude. In ten years she’ll be surrounded by cats and still blaming the world for her inability to be happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the point is that some people don't really understand who the world works until they've already made some bad choices. I feel like the people who are like "make better choices" are ignoring that if you don't know any better, that's actually not possible.

I feel a certain empathy for NYC publishing lady even though I made much more practical choices. I went to law school instead of getting an MFA (even though I very much wanted to major in English and try to make a career of writing/editing, I just knew I couldn't afford it). But I didn't do as well in law school as I hoped, graduated into a recession, never got a Big Law job or even an almost-Big Law job, and then struggled with work/life balance when I had a kid. I'm a lot better off than the woman who wrote that piece, but I still have a ton of debt, live in a tiny condo and can't afford to move, and feel a little stuck in a big city but lack professional options ins lower COL areas. And yes, I look at my "peers" who I went to school with who turned out to have a lot of resources I didn't have, including just a better understand and familiarity with this world I now live in, and family members who also understand it and could provide not just financial assistance but real guidance.

I wouldn't say I have class rage. But I do grow pretty disillusioned with people. I have no tolerance for listening to rich people complain, for starters. Happy to hang out, but if you want to whine about stuff I'm going to bow out. Rich people problems all sound dumb and entitled to me. I also feel like a lot of people take too much for granted. Help from family, the convenience of being able to throw money at problems, a sense of belonging in their industries, mentors, etc. Often it seems like they don't even recognize what an asset that stuff is. They want to be treated as though they 100% earned every bit of their wealth, but obviously luck and superior circumstances played a role. I know people who graduated well below me in my class but now probably make 10x my salary. It's not because they are smarter or worked harder.

Life is not fair. Everyone knows that. I do think it would be better for us all if we acknowledged it more often. I get weary of hearing wealthy people who got a leg up talk about the fairness of the system. It's not naive, it's manipulative.

I was one of those who was a LMC “Larla” from a small town. I guess I just don’t get how people could not “know better?” None of this is a secret. Doctors and lawyers and MBAs make more $$ than art history majors. People who make good grades in law school get better jobs than those who don’t. Once you’re out, biglaw job or not, you’ve got to prove yourself in the real world, and that involves hard work.

Life isn’t always fair. But it isn’t always unfair, either. It seems as though you take no responsibility for your own situation. Is it really so obvious that only “luck and superior circumstances” played a role in everyone else’s success? I don’t see how can you be so sure it’s “not because they are smarter or worked harder?” It seems to me you’re looking at a few fringe cases of people who were born privileged and using those to excuse your own lack of success.

I grow disillusioned with people who look at others who have worked their tail off to get where they are, only to be told that they were just “lucky.”

When I was in college, it seemed to me like people in publishing made at least as much as bank tellers or accountants, probably as much as journalists but didn't need to travel as much and had more regular hours, probably as much as desk workers in insurance or other medium professional people who don't have a higher degree. Better than waitresses and fast food workers. Doctors and lawyers made more but also needed money to go to school for another 3 to 10 years which I wouldn't have been able to afford just out of college (and wasn't organized enough to arrange while I was still trying to do all my classes and get good grades etc. I saw people applying to law school but I didn't understand how they knew what that schedule was or were making it work with all the other academics going on around them.)

I think a big part of the problem is what we've been hearing millennials complain about for a long time: The middle class is bottoming out and the jobs that you used to get that paid a living wage and benefits (never mind a pension like my dad made even though he never made more than $45K/year at that job) often don't exist anymore. Look at all the movies made about the publishing industry, especially 20 years ago, which make it look glamorous and, at a minimum give off the impression that while you might not make much when you start, you will at least make a living wage and ultimately with smarts and hard work will rise up to a position of some power and a more livable salary. Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction wore nice clothes and had nice things and was a book editor. Sandra Bullock in The Proposal had a ton of money from her book editing job. Don't get me started on the Devil Wears Prada. Anyway, these jobs used to be jobs you could live on, even support a family on. That they're not anymore says more about our government over the last several decades than it does about the people who vaguely trusted the system to keep operating as it had in the past and lose that bet pretty badly.

Anonymous wrote:For all the people who claim on the college and job sections of DCUM that college doesn’t matter - here’s why I think it does.

I grew up solidly middle class in the Midwest - my dad worked in a factory and my mom was a public school teacher. I was a small town valedictorian from a rural county where no one was very rich or very poor. I went to an elite school on a hefty Keri. scholarship and pursued a lucrative major (engineering). I knew money was the ticket out of my hometown so I literally picked the highest paid undergraduate major despite not knowing any adults who were engineers. Once at college, I dated guys from well off families and learned a lot about how the world works and how the rich get richer. This helped me make a lot of the “good choices” people in this thread talk about. I didn’t make all the good choices I could have - grad school was never on my radar. I was actually surprised my junior and senior year to find out peers had been preparing for and applying to grad school. I went to a prestigious consulting company and my long term relationships with those wealthier guys had taught me how to fit in and climb the corporate ladder. Thanks to my professional success, I married into a family that does things like pay for their kids’ college, weddings, down payments, and vacations.

So the moral of the story is - it’s not where you go to college, it’s who else goes to that college. If you are a first generation college student, the life lessons from well off peers can steer you towards the “good decisions” that kids from middle and lower class families don’t even know about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, she needs to get over it. Life isn’t fair and I can relate to the envy felt towards those with financial freedom to explore life and pursue passions. I grew up poor. I made decisions that would stack odds in my favor to help me not be poor as an adult. I had jobs starting at 11 and worked up through grad school. I don’t feel rage towards those with more. I focus on myself. I have no patience for this nonsense.

Yup. I grew up middle class, I worked hard to get where I am. I also learned DH's dad has a lot of money. That helps. It's nice to have vacation homes to stay at, contributions to 529s, that sort of thing. We pay all of our own bills though.

Anonymous wrote:1 problem is that she chose publishing, which everyone knows is poorly paid.,

2nd problem is that she did not or is not factoring in money when choosing a spouse. Not saying you should marry only for money but there's no reason why it shouldn't be a consideration if you are being realistic and practical about what you want for your life.

If you yourself are poorly paid and you know for sure that you want to buy a place in a VHCOL area and have children, then you NEED to consider finances as a factor when choosing a mate. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is, I know the woman who wrote this story - she definitely comes from money, attended private school and has an apartment almost certainly paid for by mommy and daddy.

Anonymous wrote:I still feel rage for my now grown children. One was kicked off the crew team at a regatta, supposedly because parents didn't feel "safe" with him being coxswain at the meet. (the skull had capsized once when they hit a log in practice, not unusual). In truth, another influential parent wanted their son to be coxswain.
My daughter was eliminated from DI team just before their trip to national trials, because wealthier family had joined the team late.
A friend's child was asked to leave scout troop because wealthy SAHMs didn't have room in mini van for her son.
All of these are cases of wealthy, entitled families basically ambushing a child who had participated fully because their friends wanted a spot. The crushing impact on self confidence and esteem was pretty awful to see. I'm still angry at myself for not being more insistent on their behalf, but not sure what I could have done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the point is that some people don't really understand who the world works until they've already made some bad choices. I feel like the people who are like "make better choices" are ignoring that if you don't know any better, that's actually not possible.

I feel a certain empathy for NYC publishing lady even though I made much more practical choices. I went to law school instead of getting an MFA (even though I very much wanted to major in English and try to make a career of writing/editing, I just knew I couldn't afford it). But I didn't do as well in law school as I hoped, graduated into a recession, never got a Big Law job or even an almost-Big Law job, and then struggled with work/life balance when I had a kid. I'm a lot better off than the woman who wrote that piece, but I still have a ton of debt, live in a tiny condo and can't afford to move, and feel a little stuck in a big city but lack professional options ins lower COL areas. And yes, I look at my "peers" who I went to school with who turned out to have a lot of resources I didn't have, including just a better understand and familiarity with this world I now live in, and family members who also understand it and could provide not just financial assistance but real guidance.

I wouldn't say I have class rage. But I do grow pretty disillusioned with people. I have no tolerance for listening to rich people complain, for starters. Happy to hang out, but if you want to whine about stuff I'm going to bow out. Rich people problems all sound dumb and entitled to me. I also feel like a lot of people take too much for granted. Help from family, the convenience of being able to throw money at problems, a sense of belonging in their industries, mentors, etc. Often it seems like they don't even recognize what an asset that stuff is. They want to be treated as though they 100% earned every bit of their wealth, but obviously luck and superior circumstances played a role. I know people who graduated well below me in my class but now probably make 10x my salary. It's not because they are smarter or worked harder.

Life is not fair. Everyone knows that. I do think it would be better for us all if we acknowledged it more often. I get weary of hearing wealthy people who got a leg up talk about the fairness of the system. It's not naive, it's manipulative.

I was one of those who was a LMC “Larla” from a small town. I guess I just don’t get how people could not “know better?” None of this is a secret. Doctors and lawyers and MBAs make more $$ than art history majors. People who make good grades in law school get better jobs than those who don’t. Once you’re out, biglaw job or not, you’ve got to prove yourself in the real world, and that involves hard work.

Life isn’t always fair. But it isn’t always unfair, either. It seems as though you take no responsibility for your own situation. Is it really so obvious that only “luck and superior circumstances” played a role in everyone else’s success? I don’t see how can you be so sure it’s “not because they are smarter or worked harder?” It seems to me you’re looking at a few fringe cases of people who were born privileged and using those to excuse your own lack of success.

I grow disillusioned with people who look at others who have worked their tail off to get where they are, only to be told that they were just “lucky.”

Anonymous wrote:You know what’s crazy? As a woman, she can solve most of her problems just by marrying “well” (someone she loves who happens to make a lot of money or at least a professional salary).

I wonder why she has not gotten serious about this route.