Anonymous wrote:Op, I guess it depends on how much you have had to put up with. Lots of parents have spent their kids elementary school years insisting that their snowflakes are such special outliners that they can't possibly be educated in the same classroom as the ordinary 115 IQ kids (in certain FCPS areas) It's annoying ... and then guess what? Turns out their special snowflakes go to large State U with the other kids anyway!

Indeed. They spent all of their money on their outliners kids that they had to go to Big State U!

Op, I guess it depends on how much you have had to put up with. Lots of parents have spent their kids elementary school years insisting that their snowflakes are such special outliners that they can't possibly be educated in the same classroom as the ordinary 115 IQ kids (in certain FCPS areas) It's annoying ... and then guess what? Turns out their special snowflakes go to large State U with the other kids anyway!

Good question, si?ce there are over 4000 colleges and universities right Her? in the good ol' US of A!

Sorry I am coming late to this dance and have not read all 17 pages of posting. But the basic question is what exactly is a "average college" (I think i went to one since i didn't read the first 17 pages where this question may already be posted).

My DC, who attends the Blair math/science magnet, has an unweighted GPA of 4.0 and a weighted GPA of 4 point something (whatever the highest possible GPA is), because he has earned straight As throughout high school. He plays a musical instrument at a very high level and has won lots of competitions for his skill, in addition to playing with a regional (audition-in) orchestra. He has 400+ community service hours, and his PSAT scores are very close to perfect. I have no idea what his IQ is, but he is extremely intelligent, capable, and hard-working. He is truly gifted.

I can tell you right now that he will be attending an "average" college or university, because we cannot pay for a name-brand school. So, he will get a great merit aid package at an "average" school and go there, or attend UMD-CP (which I assume DCUM'ers and certainly OP consider "average").

Whatever college or university he chooses to attend will not diminish his many accomplishments, nor the way we feel about him. So I won't feel there is anything to "admit."

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Anonymous wrote:I'm convinced that OP and the others who agree with him are not actually parents.

I'm convinced the people who disagree with the OP are attempting to rationalize their average kids instead of, you know, acknowledging they merely did a so-so job grooming them.

I definitely did a so-so job "grooming" my kid. Of course, I never realized that was what I was supposed to be doing. I never intended to "groom" my children for anything, other than to be thoughtful, curious, kind, generous people who had the skills to support themselves and be productive members of society. If I had groomed for (and they had achieved) the Ivy League, but ended up as close-minded, self-centered young adult, I would have considered that a grave failure on my part. But I suspect close-minded and self-centered is a-okay with you. Apples don't fall too far from the tree.

+1

It never occurred to me that I should be "grooming" my kids. Who are, you know, their own individual people.

Anonymous wrote:My parents happily told anyone who asked that my sister and I went to SUNY Binghamton and Geneseo. I don't care about my kids going to Ivy schools. I care about them learning a lot and being successful and having fun.

DH and I are not braggy people.

Binghamton average? Ivy of the SUNY system!
Ugly as shit though!
- Fellow Colonial/Bearcat

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm convinced that OP and the others who agree with him are not actually parents.

I'm convinced the people who disagree with the OP are attempting to rationalize their average kids instead of, you know, acknowledging they merely did a so-so job grooming them.

I definitely did a so-so job "grooming" my kid. Of course, I never realized that was what I was supposed to be doing. I never intended to "groom" my children for anything, other than to be thoughtful, curious, kind, generous people who had the skills to support themselves and be productive members of society. If I had groomed for (and they had achieved) the Ivy League, but ended up as close-minded, self-centered young adult, I would have considered that a grave failure on my part. But I suspect close-minded and self-centered is a-okay with you. Apples don't fall too far from the tree.

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Yes, loving and supporting one's children is so embarrassing. Funny. I went to Harvard and I work with people who went to state schools as well as people who went to other Ivies. They're all smart and good at what we do. You find smart people everywhere. You find a higher proportion of them at higher ranked schools, sure, but so what. That tells you nothing about an individual who went to a non-top school. If my kids go to average schools and are happy and doing well and find something they like, are good at, and can support themselves with, you bet I'll be proud.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry for whoever paid Harvard's bill.

Well part of it was a fellowship, but ok. And I'm doing very well, thanks. Are you an adult, or a teenager? Because I don't see how an adult could be so ignorant that you find people from state schools everywhere -- including Biglaw firms, right alongside ivy grads like me. Your desperation to feel superior is making you fact-resistant.

I made the sorry about Harvard's bill comment. I think maybe it was misinterpreted. I was trying to be tongue-in-cheek (hence the wink) and suggest that maybe this was evidence that it wasn't necessary to go to Harvard, as OP seems to think. But I certainly don't mean that you must have ended up in a lowly place. Your experience (and mine as well) clearly indicates that there is more than one path to success in life. Of course I know that you find people from state schools everywhere--I'm a public school grad myself, from kindergarten through grad school, working in the office next door to a Harvard alum. Maybe it's you, LOL.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Yes, loving and supporting one's children is so embarrassing. Funny. I went to Harvard and I work with people who went to state schools as well as people who went to other Ivies. They're all smart and good at what we do. You find smart people everywhere. You find a higher proportion of them at higher ranked schools, sure, but so what. That tells you nothing about an individual who went to a non-top school. If my kids go to average schools and are happy and doing well and find something they like, are good at, and can support themselves with, you bet I'll be proud.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry for whoever paid Harvard's bill.

Well part of it was a fellowship, but ok. And I'm doing very well, thanks. Are you an adult, or a teenager? Because I don't see how an adult could be so ignorant that you find people from state schools everywhere -- including Biglaw firms, right alongside ivy grads like me. Your desperation to feel superior is making you fact-resistant.

This is very true.

Anonymous wrote:Haven't read all 17 pgs but my answer is - bc it doesn't feel good to have to say my snowflake didn't get into an Ivy; rather it feels better and easier to stay "positive" and explain why JMU or Mason or wherever is better than an Ivy anyway due to finances, location, or whatever other reason that family latches onto.

It's not complicated - it's the human need to not admit defeat, failure or inadequacy.

+1. This and in addition to this -- bc their kids and other parents will HEAR them saying -- my kid is going to UMD bc no way was he going to make the cut for an ivy. Parenting now isn't how it was 20-40 yrs ago. If you don't treat and talk about your kid like a snowflake, OTHER parents think you are a HORRIBLE adult. In my heart of hearts -- I know my kid is going to an average school. I'm not suggesting that this dooms him to failure or says anything about his future net worth or happiness. But it does say that he didn't come close to making the cut for Wharton like his dad or Princeton like his mom or MIT like both his grandpas or Chicago/Caltech/Stanford like his cousins (lest everyone jump in and say college admissions is so much worse now - all his cousins were admitted 1-4 yrs before him and all are from DMV or Long Island competitive school districts). So while I am perfectly ok accepting "failure," I know that if I say it -- my adult friends, colleagues etc. -- will be SHOCKED that I DARE express that my son isn't the best and will feel sorry for my son -- when in reality there is nothing to feel sorry about, he's an average kid going to an average school, fully paid for by mom/dad, he'll enjoy college for 4 yrs, get a job, and move on with his life.

Anonymous wrote:I'm convinced that OP and the others who agree with him are not actually parents.

I'm convinced the people who disagree with the OP are attempting to rationalize their average kids instead of, you know, acknowledging they merely did a so-so job grooming them.

I hope it is a kid. If it is an adult who defines his or her self-worth based on a college diploma, that's really sad.

I'm convinced that OP and the others who agree with him are not actually parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, loving and supporting one's children is so embarrassing. Funny. I went to Harvard and I work with people who went to state schools as well as people who went to other Ivies. They're all smart and good at what we do. You find smart people everywhere. You find a higher proportion of them at higher ranked schools, sure, but so what. That tells you nothing about an individual who went to a non-top school. If my kids go to average schools and are happy and doing well and find something they like, are good at, and can support themselves with, you bet I'll be proud.

Sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry for whoever paid Harvard's bill.

Well part of it was a fellowship, but ok. And I'm doing very well, thanks. Are you an adult, or a teenager? Because I don't see how an adult could be so ignorant that you find people from state schools everywhere -- including Biglaw firms, right alongside ivy grads like me. Your desperation to feel superior is making you fact-resistant.