Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

You are right, white folks birch about race in private. But I think a large part of the reason why is that we are constantly bombarded with messages by the PC police about how evil and racist whites are and anyone who dares to speak in our defense has his career immediately ruined. You bet that when we're alone we like to speak with
each other about what BS all of the racial witch hunts and victim-playing are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course I do as do most people with means/choices/money. Life shits on poor people and minorities so why would I want to be anywhere near them and get collateral damage. I am a 40 year old white guy and drive a S550 and when I get pulled over it is "sorry Mr XXXXX here is a warning and please be careful as there are other cops looking for ABC out today". When I got pulled over a couple of weeks ago in PG county driving out to Chesapeake beach to go fishing with a black coworker it was "do you have any drugs in the car would you mind if I search?"

Until African American and all under severed minority people find a way to pull their demographic away from being a perpetual punching bag, people like me who don't want to get hit with a stray punch or more importantly don't want their kids getting disproportionally policed and hanging with kids who gave up college dreams in middle school due to SES considerations will create little villages.

I get it, the whole it takes people like me to break down the systemic systems that keeps people being perpetual punching bags but I am not convinced that bucking the status quo which is designed to keep me and my family comfortable and in power would actually do anything but make room for another white or token minority family to hop aboard. Statistically my job is to put my family in the best position to accomplish their dreams and in upper class mostly white areas, schools and networks which are where tomorrows leaders come from. I am not quite enlightened enough to vote with my feet against my own self interests.

I do remain open to people on an individual basis without prejudging and don't discriminate which allows me to consider myself (not raciest) but I actually have no problem taking advantage of the White boys club that has provided me a pretty comfortable life and a high SES with only avg talents and work ethic at my disposal. I guess that is the part for Libs (like me) to reconcile that you can like all people AND the benefits of raciest systems....as long as it was others who had to do the dirty work.

At least you're honest but what bothers me is the way you're blaming the victim. Instead of the police behaving professionally and learning to treat people as individuals, you say it's black people's fault that the police abuse them as a group. Nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

You are right, white folks birch about race in private. But I think a large part of the reason why is that we are constantly bombarded with messages by the PC police about how evil and racist whites are and anyone who dares to speak in our defense has his career immediately ruined. You bet that when we're alone we like to speak with each other about what BS all of the racial witch hunts and victim-playing are.

Kinda like how when slaves were in private they liked to speak with each other about what BS all of the crap about them being inferior to justify beating and whipping and raping them was.

Anonymous wrote:

So where the other black people at that event, including the AA politician, treated the same way? Or were there no other AA people in attendance except for Melody?

My point is, how can you assert that her race is what caused her to be mistaken as the wait staff?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

You are right, white folks birch about race in private. But I think a large part of the reason why is that we are constantly bombarded with messages by the PC police about how evil and racist whites are and anyone who dares to speak in our defense has his career immediately ruined. You bet that when we're alone we like to speak with each other about what BS all of the racial witch hunts and victim-playing are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

You are right, white folks birch about race in private. But I think a large part of the reason why is that we are constantly bombarded with messages by the PC police about how evil and racist whites are and anyone who dares to speak in our defense has his career immediately ruined. You bet that when we're alone we like to speak with each other about what BS all of the racial witch hunts and victim-playing are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

You are right, white folks birch about race in private. But I think a large part of the reason why is that we are constantly bombarded with messages by the PC police about how evil and racist whites are and anyone who dares to speak in our defense has his career immediately ruined. You bet that when we're alone we like to speak with each other about what BS all of the racial witch hunts and victim-playing are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

White people talk and think about race more than African Americans...sorry the obsession is on your people not mine. Just listen to the Hulk Hogan tapes. were not obsessed. We dont have fraternity songs about lynching white people. We dont have white racial jokes to tell our friends. The fact that you people come up with these things when NO BLACKS are around show's u giving attention to race

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We have an AA couple + kids on our block in CC. I'm a white person, so I don't get it 100%, but I think I understand the concerns (fear of random stops by the locals cops, being a suburban pioneer, how will the other kids treat my kids, etc.), and I have no doubt that they are rational. But in honesty I don't think you would be treated significantly differently than other neighbors. (Its not like we're all hosting daily evening neighborhood BBQs and hosting swingers evenings.)

I'm the one who first posted doubts about CC. It's a whole host of things, not just how neighbors treat you. I'm not trying to be facetious or snarky, but you're right that you don't get it 100% - I"m not sure it's possible for you to know or think about all the ways discriminatory behavior can happen. One PP mentioned fear of her husband getting harassed for jogging through his own neighborhood. My husband and I went to a party at a friend's house and the caterer, thinking I was part of her staff, jumped on me for using the guest bathroom. It's these seemingly insignificant "oops" moments, some innocuous and some pretty harmful, that can add up. My main concern is unconscious bias from teachers and school administrators. Small things with big impact that are hard to talk about, harder to prove, but factor into decisions about where to live. Especially if I'm paying ballpark $1 million for a house.

OMG how did u handle that? that reminded me of that crazy story Melody Hobson Princeton Grad and Billionaire George Lucas wife told about hosting a fundraiser for a black politician and showing up only to be taken to the back room by a "manager" and questioned why she wasn't in the proper attire for the event. Women thought Melody was there as part of the wait staff

She is not just his wife
She is President of a Capital Management company, author, and TV personality

Never heard of her, so had to look her up--she's amazing! Apparently she inspired Sheryl Sandberg to write Lean In. Thanks, DCUM!

http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/03/mellody-hobson-ariel-investments-fighting-stereotype

So where the other black people at that event, including the AA politician, treated the same way? Or were there no other AA people in attendance except for Melody?

My point is, how can you assert that her race is what caused her to be mistaken as the wait staff?

How can you assert that it was not. It is amazing to me that plenty of folks can come on here and write about their experiences, or IRL tell someone about their experience and for the most part it is taken for face value that the person writing/speaking has an accurate assessment of the situation that they were, you know, actually in! However, when a POC tries to say they were in situation that was racist/offensive/insensitive, their perspective is picked apart 500 ways to Sunday.
It.Is.Tiresome

I see that logical reasoning is not one of your strengths. Rational people typically examine the evidence and come to a rational conclusion. For a rational person to conclude that race was the cause of something, they would either have direct evidence, or exclusionary evidence. In this case, if other AA people were not treated as the wait staff, then it would pretty clearly eliminate her race as a cause.

I know that thinking in a logical and rational manner takes some effort, it may even be tiresome, but you really should try it some time.

Oh, you are right because of course the person must have time to to discriminate against every dang POC in the room in order to prove discrimination.
And a sexist must do something sexist against every woman he meets, etc.
I truly detest deliberate stupidity

Strawman. That's not my position at all. I'll make it simple: the one making the claim has the burden of proof. So it's not up to me to assert that she was not mistaken as the wait staff due to her race, it's up to you to prove that she was. Stating two facts does not mean they have a causal relationship, no matter how much you want them to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

How about you not entering a thread clearly marked "race" if you don't want to hear what posters have to say?

I'm trying to explain to the poster that one reason people may take her race into account is that she is constantly bitching about race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the PPs above who posted about choosing a diverse neighborhood and school.

The experiences of Hobson and the other PP are awful and humiliating. As a white person, I can sympathize. But I also see it as my duty to take action, and one important way to do that is through the choices I make as a parent. Thinking about the white people who made those mistakes, it is my fervent hope that because of where and how they've been raised, my white children will not bring that kind of unconscious bias into their adulthood.

PP, we all have unconscious biases. We're human, and that's the way our brains are wired--for efficiency. When we look at an individual with a certain set of characteristics, we rapidly attach labels to them based on the limited data we have. We may associated certain traits with those labels, "good," "bad," "scary," "safe," etc., based on our experiences.

As an illustration, a colleague of mind took a test of unconscious bias called the racial Stroop while we were in grad school. She was disappointed to learn that the test revealed that she seemed to prefer white faces to those of her own ethnic group. No one is immune.

I'm not exactly sure what to do about this, but I think the one of the keys is just being aware of this human tendency, so that it doesn't unduly govern our behavior when we're interacting with others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's the frustrating thing about 21st-century discrimination. Educated people will not call you the "n" word or display other overt signs of racism. Instead, it's the very ambiguity and the subtlety of these interactions that can be frustrating. At least with overt displays, you know where you stand. With less overt displays, in isolation they are harder to prove, and perhaps easy to dismiss as a one-off. You may tell yourself you're being paranoid. But it's the accumulation of these sorts of interactions--being mistaken for staff, etc.--that happen on a regular basis that may convince the recipient that race/ethnicity was the determining factor in their unfair or differential treatment.

How about you stop fixating on race and stop worrying what other people think about you? I think that white folks get annoyed with AAs because 90% of what they talk about is race. At some point you need to just buckle down, study, and work hard. The milking of "discrimination!" for all it's worth needs to stop.

How about you not entering a thread clearly marked "race" if you don't want to hear what posters have to say?

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of the PPs above who posted about choosing a diverse neighborhood and school.

The experiences of Hobson and the other PP are awful and humiliating. As a white person, I can sympathize. But I also see it as my duty to take action, and one important way to do that is through the choices I make as a parent. Thinking about the white people who made those mistakes, it is my fervent hope that because of where and how they've been raised, my white children will not bring that kind of unconscious bias into their adulthood.