Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Chasing cool is stupid. Those who are cool in high school generally aren't so awesome after. Better to teach your kids to pick genuine friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Just try having a "party" at your house without drinking.
No one (cool) will come.
Try it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Honestly, you are about as clueless as they come. Most teens would laugh at your advice.

The idea of prosecuting the criminal hosting parents is water under the bridge at this point. No reason for them to stop doing it. Any fine will be a drop in the bucket for them. Btw, *of course* they'll tell whatever you need to hear, just like 99% of the kids do. They're all much smarter than you are.

Not that poster, but it's directed at parents, not teens. ??

Of course.
And the kids will still laugh at your gullible self.

The question is why didn't the hosting parents
get charged with the crime they're guilty of??

Special connections, so the law isn't for them?

No charges have been imposed yet on anyone. These things take time to investigate.

I think you underestimate how effective parental involvement can be.

Parental involvement is in fact the only answer.
But only IF you have the guts to:
Just Say No... to parties.
If there's no alcohol, it's not a party.
It's really that simple, but the hardest thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Honestly, you are about as clueless as they come. Most teens would laugh at your advice.

The idea of prosecuting the criminal hosting parents is water under the bridge at this point. No reason for them to stop doing it. Any fine will be a drop in the bucket for them. Btw, *of course* they'll tell whatever you need to hear, just like 99% of the kids do. They're all much smarter than you are.

Not that poster, but it's directed at parents, not teens. ??

Of course.
And the kids will still laugh at your gullible self.

The question is why didn't the hosting parents
get charged with the crime they're guilty of??

Special connections, so the law isn't for them?

No charges have been imposed yet on anyone. These things take time to investigate.

I think you underestimate how effective parental involvement can be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Honestly, you are about as clueless as they come. Most teens would laugh at your advice.

The idea of prosecuting the criminal hosting parents is water under the bridge at this point. No reason for them to stop doing it. Any fine will be a drop in the bucket for them. Btw, *of course* they'll tell whatever you need to hear, just like 99% of the kids do. They're all much smarter than you are.

Not that poster, but it's directed at parents, not teens. ??

Of course.
And the kids will still laugh at your gullible self.

The question is why didn't the hosting parents
get charged with the crime they're guilty of??

Special connections, so the law isn't for them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Honestly, you are about as clueless as they come. Most teens would laugh at your advice.

The idea of prosecuting the criminal hosting parents is water under the bridge at this point. No reason for them to stop doing it. Any fine will be a drop in the bucket for them. Btw, *of course* they'll tell whatever you need to hear, just like 99% of the kids do. They're all much smarter than you are.

Not that poster, but it's directed at parents, not teens. ??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

I'm the PP who posted about buying a breathalyzer and having my DD call me to get picked up from time to time.

When she was in slightly earlier teens (say age 15 range) we would routinely call the parents of the party hosts and ask if they would a) be home b) be serving alcohol. You wouldn't believe the amount of times the party was "cancelled" after we did this. We also go a chilly reception a few times from asking this question.

Just ask. It puts people on notice that you are paying attention and its not ok with you. The behavior of parents buying alcohol for kids can only continue b/c they are under the impression other parents condone/ are ok with it.

When they start driving, from a practical matter, you have a little less control b/c the decisions of where to go on a given night may not be as within your control b/c you are not making the physical drop off, so this tactic is a little less in play. (I'm speaking from reality - I know there are parents of elementary schoolers on this thread who say that they will NEVER let this happen.)

How did it impact your daughter socially? I'm assuming they all stopped inviting her to things. I'm not saying that we shouldn't check, as parents, but I think the social fallout for the kids is real.

When she was in slightly earlier teens (say age 15 range) we would routinely call the parents of the party hosts and ask if they would a) be home b) be serving alcohol. You wouldn't believe the amount of times the party was "cancelled" after we did this. We also go a chilly reception a few times from asking this question.

I just wanted to respond to this part, because most of the "cancelled" young HS parties..14/15/16 year olds, from our experience, were because the kids were teased on social media for having a "dry" party, or the party get announce on social media and it get "cancelled" for fear it will be too big and people will show up that were not invited... But usually a small group of good friends still get together and post nothing to Instagram, to combat the teasing and the party getting to big.

Also, some kids plan to bring alcohol and drugs to the "dry" party, the word gets around, and the host get annoyed and cancels it.

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Honestly, you are about as clueless as they come. Most teens would laugh at your advice.

The idea of prosecuting the criminal hosting parents is water under the bridge at this point. No reason for them to stop doing it. Any fine will be a drop in the bucket for them. Btw, *of course* they'll tell whatever you need to hear, just like 99% of the kids do. They're all much smarter than you are.

Anonymous wrote:

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

I'm the PP who posted about buying a breathalyzer and having my DD call me to get picked up from time to time.

When she was in slightly earlier teens (say age 15 range) we would routinely call the parents of the party hosts and ask if they would a) be home b) be serving alcohol. You wouldn't believe the amount of times the party was "cancelled" after we did this. We also go a chilly reception a few times from asking this question.

Just ask. It puts people on notice that you are paying attention and its not ok with you. The behavior of parents buying alcohol for kids can only continue b/c they are under the impression other parents condone/ are ok with it.

When they start driving, from a practical matter, you have a little less control b/c the decisions of where to go on a given night may not be as within your control b/c you are not making the physical drop off, so this tactic is a little less in play. (I'm speaking from reality - I know there are parents of elementary schoolers on this thread who say that they will NEVER let this happen.)

This thread can go back and forth, but the best thing anyone posting can do is to refocus on parenting one's own teen and keeping abreast of not only who their friends are, but who exactly are the parents of their friends. Too many of you would never, ever think to call a parent and ask directly if there will be liquor or beer allowed at the party (really should ask "served" or gathering? By junior or senior year in high school, it does not take that much for one to learn who"the party parents" are.

This was the result of poor decision making by all of the teens, BUT also very, very poor decision making by the parents who bought or allowed the drinking at their home. These parents should be prosecuted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These kids were liked, loved and well treated by many. They had hoards of friends and stable families. They knew right from wrong. The point is that kids make bad decisions. How do we let them grow up and help guide them to be strong, competent decision makers?

I don't think you can be a competent decision maker when you're drunk.

I don't think adults serving you alcohol until you are shit-faced are competent decision makers either.

I don't think parents who ignore alcohol citations and still let you drive are competent decision makers.

Before your kid leaves for the evening, please ask...

Where are you going?
Who's driving?
Are they going to drink?
Call me if they drink. I don't care what time it is. I'll come get you.

This probably wasn't the first time the kids drove drunk, only the first time some of them ended up dead. We'll be reading about another horrific crash in a few years and people saying they were good kids, good parents. True, but you still end up with dead kids unless you hammer home the message not to drive drunk or get into a car with someone who was drinking.

I'll go ahead and say the obvious:
Your kid is NOT a competent decision maker once he gets to his next party, and gets a drink.

When you tell your kid it's ok to "party," you should first give him the biggest hug, 'cause it may very well be your LAST hug.

There's NOTHING safe about your kid going to a party.

A party isn't a party without alcohol. The "good" kids said this.
You should believe it, before it's too late.

Anonymous wrote:This goes on everywhere, not just at Wooten. It was going on when I was a kid. It will be going on when are kids have kids.

It went on when I was a kid and there were a couple of fatalities when I was in h.s. I think the culture has to become one of more responsibility on kids, their parents, their friends, and coaches. Who commits drunk driving accidents has changed over the last several years has changed. It's not the drunk businessman who would tie won on before leaving work. Now it's the teenager.

Don't know any of the kids involved, but my heart just aches for all of the boys in the accident and the families and friends.

As the parent of a recent graduate this hit me hard. I don't condone or allow drinking and haven't seen any evidence of it, but my gut tells me it might be going on and I feel like it could have happened to my kid. You really never know what goes on when they walk out that door.

.

This goes on everywhere, not just at Wooten. It was going on when I was a kid. It will be going on when are kids have kids.